Crushes

They say teenage love is a spark but mine felt more like a slow burn, steady , stupid and impossible to shake off. Trust me, I've tried to stop crushing on my best friend, it was pointless but it just wouldn't go. I didn't even know when it began I just knew one day he was James, the next minute, I'm noticing cool details about his eyes that kept pulling me in. We grew up too fast, I knew the girls he liked before, we played in the rain and did mischievous things children of 12 did but then , love snuck up on me, holding me it it's annoying grasps and that's how I found myself here... pining over my best friend. I knew nothing good would come out from this. This, whatever it is, a crush or something else is annoying, aching and impossible to shake off. Painful? It is painful and that's what brought us here. Me staring at the mirror, thinking up words I'd say to James to hurt him just half as much as he hurt me . I've been over this countless times, I practice a speech I'd never get to tell him and still forgive him the moment he smiles my way. It's funny that the love that was meant to actually make you guys inseparable, created bridges in my relationship with James. The moment I knew I was panting at the mere sight of him, I drew away from him, citing lame excuses for why I missed our book club or why I failed to show up to watch movies like we always do. Years after, I still love him even more, and he? He has no idea the thoughts that accompany me to bed each night. I like to think myself a poet sometimes... " Katherine, won't you come down for breakfast? you're already late for school!!!" Mom hollered from downstairs. Right... I was no poet but an average student that's already late for school. "What are you still doing in there?" " I'm coming mom! I just need to adjust my hair " I answered, then quickly brushed my hair. I took the stairs two at a time. "You are already late, I packed your food, find the time to eat at school. You're already growing thin" mom said pinching my cheeks. "Thanks Mom,you are the best but I'm not taking it" I said opening the flask to take a sandwich. " Don't tell me you'll starve yourself just because your classmates thinks it's uncool to bring a lunch basket to school?" Mom asked . We've been over this countless times but I don't know why mom wouldn't understand. She's not the one who's being laughed out because she's bigger than the other girls. "Yep. mom, all teenagers do it. I'll stop by the store after school. I love you!!!" I called out already halfway through the door. You don't expect me to tell mom that James doesn't bring lunch to school anymore, he eats at the Cafe. She'll think something is wrong or call his house. that'll be so embarrassing. Look , you already missed the school bus mom shouted, I turned. and true , the bus was already ahead, s**t, I'm very late. I practically ran after the bus shouting after it. The problem with someone that doesn't talk because she has no one to talk to is this... when she finally finds one who would listen to her, even a stranger, she talks and talks and has no control of the things she spills and those she doesn't. That's what happened when a car stopped and offered to drop me off at school since he was heading the same way as the Community's highschool. I know I can be stupid most times, careless more times than I can count. it's was stupid to accept a ride from a stranger you barely knew, but I guess desperate times calls for desperate measures. I entered the back seat without thinking, I saw a young man already seated there. he couldn't be much older than me. Strikingly handsome and cool. He was on a dress shirt that had the first few buttons undone. he looked rough like an unmade bed after s*x. " You should have some water" He offered. His voice was like drums, loud but you just wouldn't stop hearing the bangs. "You play drums?" "huh?" I didn't know I voiced that out. I collected the water from him, gulping it down to avoid answering. Do I have to always make a fool of myself? I concentrated on the bottle with an intensity that could shoot flames from my eyes. The car smelled like him, like sweat, but not in an offensive way. He smelled the way men smelled after a day's job I stole a glance at him while we drove in silence. the 15 minutes ride to school was taking longer than expected. His smile was loop sided "Are you sure?" I nodded , maybe too eagerly "it's 7: 40. That means you're.. "I'm late" I finished for him He chuckled " well what made a smart looking girl late for school?" he asked as though he was way older than me. " I was preparing my speech" I managed to say "what's your speech about?" " There's this guy that pissed me off; and he's my friend and it so happens that i like him, so I prepared a speech, ready to lash out at him". I glanced to make sure the driver wasn't listening to our conversation.. He was concentrated on the road. satisfied, I am returned my attention to my host. " Wow! I can say you're the only girl who does that" " Well I wouldn't want to stutter when I face him , besides he doesn't know I like him. I wouldn't want to say hurtful things. there was a stretch of silence. he didn't say anything, neither did I. " but I don't think you need a speech though. You should just say what you feel, that way your words would be genuine. we can just hope it gets to him" he finally broke the silence " But I wouldn't want to be short of words... " It's okay, I think you'll do just fine " " I wouldn't want to hurt someone consciously, thinking about it, I don't think it's necessary I confront him. I got angry over a totally useless reason." I muttered but I know he did hear me. I didn't notice when the car stopped. " I got to go... thank you for the ride, you saved me" I got down and faced the school. I sighed heavily... what awaits me now?