Crashing and Burning

BAGGAGE

After a long ride back to the city Ally finally reached her assigned spot at the parking lot of the apartment complex where she´d moved almost two years ago with her roommate Jo. She sighed, turned the engine off and exited the small vehicle.

She made her way to the door, holding a duffel bag containing her clothes from last night. She´d taken a shower at the motel, but she definitely would be taking another one right now, she just wanted to get rid of the filthy stench of lust and cigarettes.

Silence greeted her as she opened the door. Jo was in another one of her trips. Being loaded and carefree she often went traveling to which ever exotic country caught her attention. So, Ally was used to being on her own for extended periods of time. Not that she complained, Jo was great and spending girly time together was always a blast. But she was also thankful for having this me-time alone, specially now that she didn´t want to explain her whereabouts or feel judged.

She closed the door and went directly for the washing machine. She unzipped the duffel bag, poured the contents in there and started it. Then she put some detergent and fabric softener in the corresponding dispensers and closed the lid promptly. Walking to the bathroom next, where she treated herself with a long hot shower

She picked some shorts and a tank top and settled into her flip-flops before heading to the fridge and grabbing herself a beer. She plopped on the couch and turned the TV on, lighting a cigarette. Indistinct chatter filled the room, soon turning into white noise as she spaced immerse in her own memories:

Almost two years had passed since she came to this big city, fresh out of college and filled with hopes and dreams. She´d landed a small job as an assistant, s***h receptionist, s***h slave in a developing software firm and she´d moved right away. Luck had her meeting Jo, who was looking for a roommate and  everything fell into place.

Around that time she´d been ecstatic, she was in need of a fresh start having recently broken up after a four-year relationship with Ralph, her deadbeat of an ex-boyfriend whom she met too young in life to really care until it was too late. s*x was great to be fair, him being several years older than her. And it was actually one of the reasons she stuck around for so long waiting for him to do something with his life.

But when one day she realized the guy was no longer in his twenties but in his thirties, he still lived with his parents and had never showed any interest in studying or even getting a job and keeping it for more than a few months, she dumped him and didn´t look back.

Four months later she was graduated and struggling to adapt and survive in this wild new city. It was scary but it felt great and she thought life couldn´t be better when she soon met Marvin, a medical intern who seemed everything she´d ever wanted. With his tall broad figure, his good manners, smooth talk and interesting vibe he had her head over heels in no time.

The first time they were together Ally hadn´t been touched for months so it hurt considerably, but she endured it and eventually even enjoyed it. In the beginning they would not leave his bed for days in a row and she was excited. He was romantic, smart and funny!

She even took him home a couple times to meet her parents and they were absolutely in love with him.

But time passed and months later she found herself doing more and more things she wasn´t enjoying that much but kept doing anyway as she tried to convince herself that she was doing it for Them… for The Relationship. So eventually she regularly cleaned his messy room and did the dishes so he could focus on his studies, she brought him food whenever he complained about being stomped with work and took his laundry to her apartment, then returned it all clean and folded up.

She wanted to be helpful but now she knew that maybe that was just the beginning of the end. He started to see her more as his caretaker, maybe even a mother-like figure, and eight months into the relationship he stopped touching her.

At first, she thought he was just stressed, after all he had awful schedules. But after three months passed and not even her best tactics would get her some action. She started realizing that maybe his desire was not there anymore and a very torturous grief period started.

Of course, her first reaction was to deny it

-She should be imagining things… it surely was nothing.

She stayed that way for a while silently suffering and roaming over every little thing.

Then she was angered. Was the bastard cheating on her? That sure was the explanation, how come that he could spend months and not feel horny, how could she be so naive… for god´s sake she´d seen Grey´s Anatomy, doctors are lustful functional psychopaths of course.

And for a couple weeks she was a bundle of nerves and jealousy until she calmed herself a little and started to bargain. Surely, she could make an effort, she should try harder and entice him to remember the good times, right? So, obviously, she had to go and dig into the wound ´till the bone.

She started wearing sexy outfits which stayed on, revealing lingerie which she had to show him herself and just got an “I´m tired” for an answer and finally she sat with him and explained to him that she thought she was a very s****l person, that she had needs and that his attitude was making her feel unwanted… ugly even.

He did apologize and told her he was sorry he´d made her feel that way, but when she reached to touch him, he also said:

- Ally, I am really tired of telling you that I am tired.

That sent her to depression.