Blossom

05

 Z A R A H P O V “Hey, my soon to be wife,” Ayan smirked, taking a seat next to me. Honestly, it was too early to be dealing with this man. I did not want to see him right now because I don’t have the strength to fight him or talk to him. I just wanted to be alone. 

“What do you want, Ayan” I roll my eyes in irritation.

“What? Can’t I say hi to my soon to be wife,” he said.

“Not now, Ayan,” Mariam snapped.

“What wrong? Jealous?” he sniggered.

“Why would I be jealous?” she released a deep breath, not believing this man. His ego is more significant than his brain. No wonder the lack common sense. 

“Your sister is getting married before you,” he ran his hand through his hair.

“Shut up, Ayan. Just leave!”

“Jeez, okay! I am leaving but be ready because my parents and I are coming over to your house today,” he reminded me. 

“Why? For what reason?” I asked.

“Coming to see you and finalize the engagement,” he said in a duh tone.

“What?! I thought it was on Wednesday” I looked at him uncertainly.

“Didn’t your mother tell you? We moved the date to today. My parent couldn’t wait for me to get married. I don’t want them to be disappointed. Be ready,” he ordered her. 

“Who do you think you are, ordering around my sister like that?” Mariam stood up from her seat.

“I am her soon to be husband,” he answered.

“Why you-”

“Mariam no. Leave it,” I muttered.

“Are you out of your mind?” hissed Mariam.

“No, but I don’t want mom to be disappointed in me. She wants me to do this. Didn’t you see how happy she heard that they would return? After such a long time, she has that smile on her face again, and I don’t want to be the person that ruins her smile,” I answered.

“Zarah, you do realize that this is a huge step for you. Marriage! Freakin marriage! It’s for the rest of your life,” she snapped at me. 

“Just leave it, Mariam,” I barked back, walking away.

I didn’t mean to snap at her. I was just frustrated with everything. I walked to the library. The quietest place that I loved. When I’m frustrated or sad about anything, I will go there. I walked into the library and sat down on the sidewall.

I take a deep breath. I want to shout, have a tantrum, and beat my hands on the ground like a toddler. I want to vent, let it out, but I don’t want to say words I don’t mean, be hurtful. 

I took out my classwork and started to work on it. I didn’t know how long I was there. I checked my watch and quickly got up, seeing that I only had 3 minutes to get to class, and my class was on the 5th floor. I have to go all the way to the 5th floor on the 1st floor. Groaning, I packed up my stuff.

I ran out of the library and through the hallway. On the way, I slammed into a wall. Closing my eyes, I was ready for the impact, but it never came. I slowly opened my eyes to stare back right into a dark chocolate brown eyes. I couldn’t help but feel the tingle that ran through my body. Reality hit me again. I stood up and moved back, reading astaghfirullah multiple times. Mumbling a sorry, I started to head towards my class.

“Excuse me?” Mr. Stalker called.

I didn’t dare to turn around and look back at him. I was timid in front of males. My heart pounded as I felt him moved towards me. I gripped my dress that I was wearing tightly.

“You dropped this,” he said, handing me the notebook.

Turning around, I grabbed it, “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he smiled.

Not wasting any more time, I spun around and ran away from him. I can feel him watching me run away.

~ ~ ~My day has been going very well so far. I waited for Mariam outside of the University. Guilt was eating me alive for snapping at her like that. The guilt sat not on my chest but inside my brain. What I had done, I could not undo. Only in my silent prayers could I speak my heart to Allah and beg for forgiveness.

I watch her walk out the double door, coming towards me with a bright smile. I looked down in shame. She was smiling even after I snapped at her. I am such a horrible sister. My heart was troubled. As soon as Mariam was close to me, I pulled Mariam into a tight hug.

“Hey! Now don’t cry like a baby. It’s okay. Sometimes people snap. There is nothing wrong with that,” Mariam patted my back.

“I am so sorry, Mariam, for snapping at you. I didn’t mean to. I was just frustrated with everything that was going on,” I admitted to her. 

“It’s alright. We can talk about it when we get home,” Mariam smiled. 

“Okay. Thank you. I am sorry again,” I apologized once more. 

Looking at her shirt, Mariam teased, “look what you did to my new pair of a shirt. You ruined it with your salty tear.”

“Tears are supposed to be salty,” I smacked Mariam’s arm playfully.

“You mean you’re too salty,” Mariam laughed out loud. 

“Shut up,” I said, couldn’t help myself from smiling

“Come on, Wahid Bhai is waiting for us in the parking lot-,” Mariam said, dragging my hand.

“Good evening, ladies,” a voice cut her off.

“Good morning,” We turned around. My eyes widened. It was the same cop from earlier.

Was he following us? What if he is stalking us like a creep? What if he was one of those kidnappers, just like in the w*****d books. 

He will kidnap me, and then you know what, we will fall in love and have kids. Come on, Zarah. Don’t be stupid now. The books can never become a reality; they are just imaginations from the authors. But I wish it did!

Mariam nudged my hand, giving me a wink. Ignoring her, I looked at the cop. I so badly wanted to yell at him, but I wasn’t going to.

“May I help you?” I asked, calming my temper. 

“I was just stopping by to say hi. Do you guys need a ride?” he smiled.

“No, thank you. Someone is already here to pick us up,” I answered with a tight smile.

“Oh, okay,” Mr. Stacker’s voice went down after hearing my answer. 

“Thank you tho,” Mariam grinned.

I thought I saw something click in his eyes—something like a disappointment. Yet I brushed it off. Turning back around, I started to walk toward my cousin’s car. Mariam ran up to her sister, wiggled her eyebrows.

“He is totally into you, girl!” winked Mariam, pushing my shoulder playfully. 

“Mariam, not now. If you haven’t forgotten, Ayan’s parents are coming today to finalize the engagement date,” I said, getting in the car.

“But you can always cancel it,” Mariam reminded. 

“No! I am not going to do that. It will only hurt mom,” I shook my head. 

“Not going to do what?” Asked Wahid bhai. 

“Nothing,” I mumbled. 

“Oh, so now you are hiding secrets too,” Wahid bhai joked. 

“There is no secret to hide,” I spoke in a soft voice.

“Something bad must be going on then, huh?” bhai asked, driving out the parking lot.

“Marriage,” Mariam finally spoke out loud. 

“What!!? When?! To whom?” Wahid looked at Mariam in shocked

“To this jerk name Ayan in our University. They are coming today to finalize the engagement date,” answered Mariam.

“Zarah tell me one thing and be honest please,” he begged, before looking through the rear mirror, “are you happy with this, Zarah?” 

“I- I don’t know. I am just so confused and frustrated. Mom is thrilled with this proposal; I have never seen her happy after our father’s death. I am happy if my mother is,” I answered, giving him a small smile.

“As long as you are happy with this proposal, then go ahead, but if you do not, then don’t go with the proposal,” he suggested.

Getting out of the car, I turned to Wahid bhai, “thank you for giving us a ride. Please come inside. Mom will be happy to see you.”

“Not right now. I have to do back to work; I am a busy person now,” he declined.

“Okay. Come to our house sometime. It will make mom very pleased. Please! Please,” I pleaded, camping my hands together. 

“I will,” he smiled, driving away.

I was fortunate to have a cousin like that. He was always like that towards us, like he wanted to protect us from anything. I always wanted an older brother, and Wahid bhai was one. I walked into the house, but I smiled banished from my face. Everything neatly tucked and perfect. I almost forgot about today’s event. I watch her mom hum in the kitchen and cooking a fantastic dish.

"Assalam-o-Alaikum," I greeted.

“Walaikum salam. How was your University?” she asked.

“It was fine, Alhamdulillah. When were you going to tell me that they are coming today?” I looked at her mother with sadness filled my eyes.

“How-how, do you know that?” she gasped.

“Ayan told me today at University. He sure was happy,” I mumbled, washing my hand.

“I just got a call today after you left for University. I was going to tell you, but it must have slipped out my mind due to me happy that my daughter is getting married to a fine family,” she smiled.

“But mother. This is too early. They came yesterday and today too. Don’t you think this is going to fast?” I said, chopping the onions for her.

“I didn’t think that. I was just so excited. I am sorry. If you want I can call them and tell them to come another day,” she suggested, grabbing the chopped onions and pepper

“No need for that mother. Since you already told them okay, then there is no point in telling them not to come,” I shrugged my shoulder.

“Honey, I am-”

“Mom, I am exhausted right now. I want to sleep. Please don’t wake me up until they come,” I smiled sadly before walking away.

I didn’t want to mean to cut mom off in between speaking, but I just couldn’t handle it. I ran up to my room. Shutting the door, I slid down against it. I stopped in front of the mirror. The tears flowed unchecked down my cheeks and dripped from my chin. I was too sad to cry out or wail, I just stood there as still as a statue while the magnitude of my loss swept over me.

Walking up to my window, I watched the other children laugh and play from the corner of the playground. How could they be happy when I felt so sad. Part of me wanted them to feel my pain too so that I wouldn’t be so lonely with it, but part of me was glad they couldn’t, it was private.

My eyes suddenly swam with tears, and I hurried to scrub them from my face. I knew cracks would lead to sympathy, and sympathy would lead to more damages. Going back to my bed, I took a nap. Letting the darkness consume me and my life.