The Search

Chapter 2

I'm in love, I'm in love, I finally found someone who'd love me for who I'm, well not who I'm she doesn't know I'm a little, we've been trying something else, I got to the club more and more often, we get to play together there, I was too worried about telling my family about her, they wouldn't get it.

"Ashlynn, wanna play?" Kiara asks me, I shake my head no, I don't want to go little, I'm fighting my little side, I'm trying my best to avoid slipping.

"No, I'm not feeling little," I tell her, she leaves me be whenever I tell her that I'm not feeling little to join her in her games.

"But you can colour even if you're not little," she says, but colouring would make me slip.

"No, I don't feel like it," I tell her hoping she'd get lost but she doesn't, she keeps on whining about playing alone.

"Come on Ashlynn, you never home anymore, and you never play with me!" she whines, there's no leaving without playing with Kiara, I don't want her to get upset and cry either, I'm not evil, I really like her.

"Fine, one page," I say, deciding to colour with her, I'm happy today, I won't see Amber today either.

We went to Kiara's room, it's hers and Jacob's she got some colouring books for us, along with her crayons, we both sat on the floor and began to colour, I was so happy that I drew hearts over the page, used pretty light colours. And then I slipped, I completely slipped for the first time in a couple of solid months, ever since I and Amber got together, ever since I fell in love.

"Kiki wook, pwetty hearts," I say showing off my colouring and drawings.

"Pretty," Kiara says with a big smile, now that I'm feeling little, I didn't mind telling her everything.

"Kiki, I think I'm in love," I whisper to her, I trust her, she's my bestie.

"In love? Me too, but me love daddy, and you?" she asks me making me giggle, I know she would keep my secret.

"Her name is Amber," I whisper to her, waiting for her reaction, she's in straight relation with her daddy while I'm more on the bi side.

"She's your mommy?" Kiara asks raising a brow at me, for us littles, a lover would be our dom, would be our cg, they'd be our mommies and daddies, but I'm hiding my little side from Amber.

"Nu, she doesn't know I'm a little," I say with a frown, I want to tell her, but that's not what she wants, she wants a submissive, not a little.

"Why not? Why not tell her?" Kiara asks, but it's complicated, so complicated it got my head spinning and little space slipping off, I groaned and stood off the ground, I don't wanna talk anymore.

"Ashlynn?" she calls me but I decided to ignore her and get back to my room.

"I got...I got something to do," I say leaving her room, feeling broken, maybe I should just tell Amber what I'm, but I'm still afraid of her reaction, maybe I should think this through.

I sat in my bed, trying to take a nap, naps usually help me when I'm feeling a drop between the two spaces, I closed my eyes trying to stop thinking, if I don't think I won't feel this lonely right?

But my room isn't my room anymore, ever since Jordy got married and left, I moved into Kiara's old room, a room with only one bed instead of the room with two beds for me and Jordy, now I sleep alone, now I don't have anyone to slip in their bed when feeling lonely, I'm too old and big to go to my mother's bed or Keiran, god help Keiran, he's such an old guy with no mate, how does he live with the emptiness, at twenty-five, the void in my soul is killing me.

I had to force myself to relax, don't think, I'll be with Amber soon, and then everything would be better, she might not be my mate, but she's the one I'm falling in love with, she's here and she fills the pain, I love her, I tell myself over and over again, I do, don't I?

I slept and had some dreams, bad dreams, nightmares, I've been having them again when I was younger, I always ran to sleep in Jordy's bed or mom's even Keiran's bed wasn't a bad option.

I woke up in fear, I was trembling, sweaty with the after effect of the dream, I needed someone to hold me, someone to tell me it was all okay, and the only person I could think about right now was Amber. I got my phone and called her, but she doesn't live in the same town as me, she got to work in the daytime, but I hoped she'd have some time to answer her phone.

"Hello," she says answering the phone.

"A...Amber," I say although I'm supposed to call her mistress or something else out of respect, but I wasn't feeling like it right now.

"Yes, Ashlynn?" she answers me, her voice was monotone, I couldn't read her over the phone.

"I...I had a nightmare," I say on the verge of tears now, is it time to tell her I'm little? It feels like it.

"A nightmare?" she repeats after me, yes a nightmare!

"Mhm, I'm scared," I confess, feeling little, I'm telling her things now.

"Where are you Ashlynn?" she asks me.

"Home, in my bed," I tell her, looking around the room, but I hate being here alone.

"It's scary in here," I add, her voice was still the same monotone voice, it didn't change.

"You don't like being alone?" she asks me, I did mention that before to her, the fact that I don't enjoy being alone.

"Nu, nut at all, alone is scawy," I confess again.

"Ashlynn, do you have anything to tell me?" she asks her voice finally changing, she sounded interested this time.

"Mhm, me coloured a pretty, I added hearts," I say, I did that today.

"Ashlynn, do you feel different?" she asks me, I didn't feel different.

"I feel little," I explain to her, that's how I feel right now.

"Little, I see," she says, not saying anything else.

"Amber," I say trying to get her to talk.

"Shouldn't it be mommy?" she asks me, making my heart skip a beat, mommy?

"Would you be...?" I ask not finishing the question.

"Now say it," she orders me.

"Mommy," I saw with a blush.

Chapter 4

-Changes.

Ashlynn POV.

"I want you to move in," she tells me, I agreed with that, I want to move in with her, I'd love to be with her and not alone the whole time, but I also had to inform my family about moving out. I was afraid of their reaction, what if they don't allow me to go, I'm a strong dominant wolf, as I'm an adult, but I'm worried about the two alpha reactions.

"I live with my family," I tell her, I do live with my family right now, I wasn't ready to move out.

"You are a big girl, well you are practically a little girl and submissive, but that still counts as big girl you should be able to move in with me," she says, I wanted to roll my eyes at her, but she only knows the little side of me, the one that likes to start new adventures and tried to submit to her, she never met the big Ashlynn or my dominant side.

"I don't know if I should do this yet, isn't it too early?" I ask her, we've only known each other for a couple of months now, she's not the one that was created for me, she's not my mate, but she's not that bad either, I do love her, don't I?

"Come on Ashlynn, why are you refusing to move in with me?" she says but I shake my head no, I wasn't refusing.

"I'm not ready," I say it's the truth.

"Ready? I'll take good care of you, don't you know that?" she asks me, her face going into a pout shape, I didn't want her to be mad or sad.

"It's not that," I say but she started to tear up, her eyes filling with tears.

"But I want you, Ashlynn, why won't you move in with me? We'd have a slumber party every day, we'd have so much fun," she says, tears going down her face, but she tries to wipe them off.

"Hey, don't cry...don't cry," I beg her, trying to get her to stop.

"Then you'd move in with me?" she asks me, I was about to say no, but she was still crying, I didn't want her to cry.

"You will!" she says all excited, jumping to hug me this time, I hugged her back, didn't have the heart to say no to her, I can stay with her for a little while.

"Fine, but I can't stay for long," I explain to her, I'll have to get back home at some point.

"Okay, we'll get to my place tonight?" she asks me, I just nod my head yes to her, I have to talk to my family first.

"Yes, but I need to talk to my family first," I explain to her, she nods her head yes, just excited, we spent the rest of our date just talking, excited about me moving in with her, about being a little full time with her as my mommy.

We each left back to our place, I went home, I had to have a talk with my mom if she says yes, then it's all good, I hope she'd agree, I knocked on her door, her office door, she's always busy with her work. Being an alpha is a big job, plus she needs to keep up with her human job, she owns a small company that most of the pack works in.

"Hey mama," I say with a smile, walking inside her office.

"Ash, wait until I tell you to come in," she says, making me giggle.

"I'm in now!" I answer her taking a seat on one of the chairs in front of her.

"You need something, sweetie? I'm kind of busy," she says, but I need her.

"I...I want to go stay with one of my friends for a while," I inform her.

"Friend? Who are you staying with?" she asks me.

"You don't know her," I say, blushing, only Kiara knows about me and Amber, no one in my family knows what I'm.

"And who would that be?" she ask giving me her full attention now, looking at me with a raised brow.

"Just a friend from uni, I'm just telling you, I'll keep in touch," I say trying to slip out of her office, maybe if I don't give her much time to interrogate me, she won't be able to say no.

"Ashlynn, for real," mom says as I made it out of her office.

"I'll call you," I promise leaving and going toward my room, I got my things ready, and packed most of my things.

Before I left the house, I went on the search for Kiara, looking all over the house for her, but I didn't find her, I felt the need to cry, I want to say bye to my bestie, but she was not here, I messaged her but she texted back telling me that she's out with my stupid brother, stupid brother!

I left the house, got in my car, starting the drive toward Amber's place, she's in the town next to us, the one that doesn't have any pack in it, I'm safe to stay there, it's just neutral ground, everyone can stay in here.