The Immortal King

10: The Pain Isn't Real

My chest heaved uncontrollably as I ran to Juliet’s room. It felt like my ribs were constricting and I clenched my chest. 

Sebastien had not even rejected me fully, but the mere thought of it becoming a reality quite literally crushed me. 

Juliet was immediately at my side cooing and attempting to calm me, but nothing worked.  

Last night continued to play in conjunction to my half rejection, “I should’ve done better” 

My voice broke as I continued to hyperventilate, “I knew he was going to be upset, I should’ve just listened-”  

Memories of my mother telling me to behave and do as I was told began to also appear. If I couldn’t do it for Sebastien, I could’ve at least done it for her sake. 

He was right, I wasn’t thinking about anyone, but myself. I never think of anyone, but Liz. 

It’s always me running. It’s always me leaving the consequences for someone else to carry. 

“Its always me-”, Juliet watched as I went on. I could only imagine her shock, as she has never seen me like this.  

Hell, I’ve never seen myself like this. I probably looked pathetic. 

“Julie, it hurts so bad”, I managed to choke out as my hand squeezed my chest in pain. In addition to my emotions, my body seemed to be betraying me. It was becoming less of my own the more I dove into everything wrong with me. 

Juliet shh-ed me as she placed her hand on my chest, “Liz” 

She called as she towered over me, “Liz, listen to my voice. The pain isn’t real” 

Suddenly, my heart was no longer threatened by my ribs and I didn’t physically feel like I was drowning.  

My tear stained eyes met with Juliet’s as she led me to her bed. Though the physical pain was gone, my mind still continued to torture me with my own memories. 

Juliet led me to her bed and wrapped her arms around me. She then proceeded to run her fingers through my hair and soothe me to sleep. 

*** 

I awoke later in the day with Juliet no longer by my side. I assumed she had work to take care of so I didn’t think much of her absence.  

I groaned in pain towards my sore muscles. Most of the scene that I’d just gone through was due to The Attachment. My body’s reaction towards hurting Sebastien almost literally killed me and that was only stage 1 of the process.  

Thoughts about the process caused me to analyze the conversation we held in his office. 

He said he was going to reject me after The Convergence, but what would that mean?  If we become one and then he rejected me, what would happen? 

My thoughts continued to wander deeper into the idea of being rejected.  

Would he really reject me? Would he really do that to me? Us? 

The term Us brought bile to my throat. It amazed me how I went from hating him to enjoying his company in such a short period of time. I’d come to realize that Sebastien wasn’t a bad person. Most of the things he did or said were a reaction to people disappointing him or a product of his beast. 

I looked around the small room and stood as my stomach began to grumble. I then began my journey to the kitchen to get something to eat.  

On my way, I could hear the maids whispering towards one another and avoiding eye contact with me. I kept my head held high as if none of it phased me. They were always whispering about me, but it was different this time. This time around, they were whispering about my weakest moment and not my most resilience.  

When I finally made it to the kitchen, I opened the fridge to find leftovers from the dinner that I’d ruined.  

I glared at the Killer Kale Pasta as it felt like everything was existing to remind me of my demise. Midway on my walk towards the microwave, I realized that the pasta had raw meat in it and I gagged. 

I’d almost forgotten how he ate. 

I returned to the fridge and frowned at every meal containing raw meat except the salad. 

“Looking for something?”, I turned my head to see Josie at the kitchen’s entrance. 

I nodded my head, “Yeah. I’m pretty hungry” 

Josie wiped her hands with her handkerchief and shooed me away from the fridge. 

“Usually, we cook your food from scratch- as you don’t need bloody meals”, Josie began as she pulled out the ingredients to fix me up something.  

I guessed that she saw me eyeing the Killer Kale. 

Before taking my seat, I shook my head and attempted to help her, “Josie, I know you have a lot to do today. You don’t have to-” 

Again, I was shooed away. With little fight, I took my seat at the table and watched as Josie finished collecting the food items.  

“So....”, she began as the oven turned on its own to pre-heat, “How are you feeling?” 

I fiddled with my fingers and shrugged. Though there’s been a lot of thinking from the time I woke up to now, there seemed to be a shortage of words to express said thoughts. 

Josie‘s hand raised as the knife levitated to slice the vegetables. She then raised her head towards me and sighed. The sigh was filled with pity and the feeling of embarrassment began to overtake me. Along with the embarrassment, came the broken record that were my thoughts.  

Tears welled in my eyes as my fingers grew red with the harsh fiddling and my jaw clenched. 

It was happening again. My temples felt like they were closing in.  

“Josie?”, I breathed as my eyes fell to the ground, “Do you think-?” 

I attempted to catch the tears, “-Do you think he’d actually do it?” 

Josie came around the counter and embraced me. Her hold was tight and reassuring. 

It reminded me of my mother’s. 

“Oh sweetheart,” Josie rubbed my back and brought her hand to my head bringing almost instant relief to my pounding head, “Everything is going to be okay” 

My breathing leveled as she continued to soothe me, “The pain isn’t real” 

The pain isn’t real. 

When I felt settled enough, Josie went back to her station.  

My brows furrowed, “Josie, what does that mean?” 

My eyes followed her as she put the platter into the oven to cook. She then went to the dishwasher where she brought out a container to hold the food when it was done baking. 

At the same time that this occurred, a plate, spoon, and fork levitated to where I was seated. 

When she was done, Josie washed her hands. As she did this, she spoke. 

“The pain that you’re feeling is not real Luna”, She grabbed her handkerchief to wipe off her hands and took a seat next to me. 

“Right now, you’re in The Attachment stage and the pain is only going to get worse”, Josie began. 

“I know, but Josie the pain that I’m feeling is very real-” 

Josie continued, “Luna, the pain is your mind playing tricks on you. The idea of causing Alpha pain leads to your body trying to punish you for it” 

Josie grabbed my hand and placed her hand on my shoulder, “Luna, it is very important that you don’t succumb to your body’s failure and remind yourself that none of this pain is real or-” 

“-Or what?”, I sent out a weak laugh in an attempt to lighten the mental load, “I’ll die?” 

I was expecting her to laugh with me, but Josie’s face didn’t move.  

There was a long pause and my eyes widened as I snatched my hand away from hers, the clouds re-surfacing in my mind, “I can f*****g die?” 

Josie got up and nervously clasped her fingers together. I guess my reaction to my potential demise was one that she wasn’t expecting.  

“Luna, please calm-”, Her hands attempted to grab me, but I backed away. 

“-I’m sure you’ve known that the process could be dangerous-” 

“-Yeah, but I’ve never heard of anyone dying before. I thought you just get past it and move on-”, My voice cracked in disbelief. Too many consequences were coming out of this one scenario. 

When Josie got ahold of me, her hands radiated what felt like a heat that calmed me. She then led me back to my seat.  

“For most girls, the process is a breeze, but you’re a Hybrid’s mate. That means that all your feelings will come tenfold and to a degree your body may not be able to handle”, Josie continued, “As you hurt mentally, it can feel like your body is attacking you physically. This can cause your body to go into shock which leads to a coma and only the possibility of death”  

Josie emphasized the “possibility” and I was rendered speechless.  

Josie grabbed my chin and made me face her, “Luna, you’re going to have to fight a little harder than everyone else during this stage and whenever you’re going through pains, it is important to always remind yourself that-” 

“The pain is not real”, We spoke in unison as the timer dinged on the oven. 

After a few minutes, the oven opened on its own and my food levitated to my prepared dining set. Josie caressed my face and brought me into a final embrace before getting ready to go back to her duties. 

I whispered a weak thank you.