What my Heart Desires

Chapter 4

I start to fidget in Roman’s arms after letting what I said sink in a little. They are so quiet, so still, that I’m not sure what is going on in their heads right now. I know I just dropped a bomb onto their laps. If they only knew that there was way more to the story.

I felt Roman go utterly still when I told them about what happened after I died, I haven’t risked a look at Drex yet. I’m afraid if I look into his cold gray eyes, it will be my undoing. I would rather take my own life than risk the repercussions of such a decision.

Roman makes a choking sound. Like he is trying to speak but he can’t get the words out. He buries his head into my hair and takes deep breathes. I can tell this is hard for him. It was hard on all of us. Roman has always been more open with his emotions than Drex.

Drex keeps his emotions firmly hidden. It took me a long time to get him to trust me, to let me in. He was so attentive. I’d wake up to a new bouquet of flowers in our chambers every day because I once told him how I believed that flowers can brighten up any room. Drex was always a step ahead, very observant, surprisingly affectionate, and eternally devoted. It’s what makes him a great leader. When I died, I fear that part of him died with me.

I can feel his eyes drilling into me. I put up my barriers and lock away my emotions. When I am confident that Drex wouldn’t see through my mask, I look up. It was like looking into a mirror. The same mask was reflected on his face. It made me want to break down and cry.

These last two years without them have been absolutely excruciating. Mates were not made to be apart for long. True mates are literally the other half of your soul and they were mine.

We get the urge to be close to our mates. When we are apart, it makes us agitated, we feel hollow without our other half. Because I have two mates the pain and numbness were amplified.

It took months of meditation, dedication, and motivation to put together walls to keep it all at bay. I pushed it all deep down to the point where I don’t know if I’ll be able to live through the experience of opening that particular box.

Drex keeps his cold, blank stare on me. Searching my expression for what, I’m not completely sure. “Where is Debra?”

“Dead.”

Drex’s eyes go wide for a split second, I had surprised him. “When did she die? How?” He was at a loss for words. I don’t blame him, Debra was his most fierce warrior. That’s why she was assigned to me.

“She gave her life for mine.” I state with a deadly calm. A shimmer of sadness tries to creep up, but I push it back down. She was like a big sister to me, these last few months without her guidance have been hard. “It happened about 9 months ago.”

I uncurl myself from Roman’s lap. Surprised that he let me but that just shows me how much I’ve shocked him. I take a few steps then turn abruptly back to face them. I can see that Roman is already up out of the chair like he’s going to follow me. Drex hadn’t moved but his eyes track my every movement.

“It’s been a long day. I’m assuming that I’ll be here a while so please point me to my room so I can take a shower? I also need to call my boss to let him know, my assignment will be delayed in its delivery.”

“Down the hall, two doors on your left.” Drex says calmly.

I give Roman a stern eye, “I’m showering alone.” With that I turn and head towards my room. I find it easily enough. The door opens into a grand master bedroom with a King-sized bed, and all of its furnishings. A gorgeous chandelier hangs above the couch and coffee table. Why it was needed is beyond me, but it is very beautiful. The patio doors are to the right of the bed. There is another door to the left of the bed, which I’m guessing is the master bathroom.

Looking around I notice a few more things. Cloths are littered here and there. Roman’s and Drex’s. I can tell because they have very different taste in clothing which I’m sure has not changed much from what I saw them wearing tonight.

Drex likes his expensive suits and name brand clothing. I have yet to see him in a pair of jeans. I’m sure the sight is just drool worthy.

Roman likes his casual jeans and t-shirt combo. Though they are mostly black and skin tight. Almost giving off a bad boy vibe, if you know what I mean.

It’s interesting to see. I wonder if they have been sharing a room since I’ve been gone? I know that before me they were extremely close, like brothers. But to my knowledge they always had their own suites. Intriguing.

Saving that little tidbit to think over later, I head towards the master bathroom. I can hear their conversation get slightly heated back where I left them before locking the door.

After my death I found that I woke up with a few perks. Heightened hearing, better eyesight, I’m a little faster, and stronger. It has come in handy these past two years. I’ll keep these little secrets to myself for a little longer before divulging them to the guys. I’ve shocked them enough for one day.

I strip out of my ankle boots, dark skinny jeans, red halter and my underwear with relief. I turn the water on as hot as it can go. The hot water works on my tight muscles and it gives a delicious burn to help ease the ache of being so close but so far from my mates.

I lean against the wall of the 3-person walk-in shower, trying to regain my composure a little. After having a brief pity party, I began to wash away the day. I use their shampoo and body wash.

I’m so caught up in enjoying the relaxing sensation of being around their scents that I don’t notice the door opening before it’s too late.

“You know I locked it for a reason?” I say, already knowing that it was Roman who walked in. Drex won’t invade my space unless it’s an emergency. I told them I wanted to be alone and he’d respect that.

I get no response right away. My eyes are closed as I wash my hair so I can’t see him. I just feel his presence. The door to the shower opens and I feel the cool air against my skin before he closes it. I remain calm, relaxed. I figured he would interrupt me. I was just hoping I’d have a little more time.

I finish rinsing my hair and turn around and stop dead. There is a first time for everything but damn, I was completely caught off guard. It wasn’t Roman who joined me in the shower, it was Drex. In all his naked glory.

“Wwhaat are you...” I stammer.

Next thing I know, my back is against the shower wall and I’m caged in. His arms are on either side of my face. Drex leans in so close our noses almost touch.

He stares into my eyes. Searching, pleading. There are so many different emotions staring back at me right now, my breath catches. Love, sorrow, confusion, desperation, anger, hurt, passion, longing and hunger.

I press myself back so I’m flush with the wall. Trying to get away even though there is no where else to go. I’m not ready. I’m not ready for his questions, I’m not ready to answer them and I’m certainly not ready to deal with our mate bond, with either of them.

He doesn’t move. He is breathing fast and I can see the muscles on his arms flex like he is holding himself back from reaching for me. I don’t move. This is uncharted territory.

Drex’s eyes narrow, like he has come to some unheard decision. He steps closer so that his muscular thigh is snug between my legs and our chests touch.

My breath hitches in my throat. There is no hiding the want, the desire in my eyes. It doesn’t help that my traitorous body has already given me away. His nose flares, picking up on my desire. His hands slide down until he gets to mine. He laces his fingers with mine and slowly bring them back up until they are above my head.

Without any warning his lips crash onto mine, devouring me. I moan in the bliss of having his mouth against mine. It’s been so long. I let him dominate me and take control. Happily giving in.

*I'm sorry for the late entry. I had a family emergency. I'll try to get another chapter added this week. Thank you for reading!"