Devotion

10

I wanted him to calm down. I wanted him to talk to me. "James, you love me. That's what this is. Just like I love you." I stood up and put my hands on both sides of his face. "You're not addicted to me. You're not."

"Yes I am!"

"No, you're not!" I let go of his face. I wasn't sure if I was screaming because I was upset, or because I thought it was true.

"You have no idea what runs through my head when we're apart. When I thought you were leaving me," his voice cracked. "You have no idea how much I need you."

"Then tell me. James..."

He took a step forward, sandwiching me between him and the kitchen counter. "I'm addicted to your lips on mine. I'm addicted to how you taste." He grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me hard.

I was done fighting him. He had heard what I needed to say. And now? Now he was hurting. Now I needed to make him feel better. If he needed this, then I'd give it to him. We could talk later. I grabbed the front of his t-shirt, pulling him closer to me. Our kisses weren't usually like this. I was used to slow, passionate kisses. This was urgent and raw and...emotional. He was kissing me like he didn't need air. Just me.

He grabbed my thighs and wrapped my legs around his waist, pushing my back against the counter.

I tilted my head away from his. "That's not addiction, James. That's love. I feel it too."

"No." His voice sounded pained. "I'm addicted to the smell of that perfume you put behind your ears." He kissed the side my neck. "And the smell of your shampoo." He kissed my neck again. "The softness of your skin." He put his hand on the side of my neck, rubbing his thumb against my jaw line. "The sight of your face, your beauty. I'm addicted to the curves of your body." His hand slid down to my left breast. "I'm addicted to the goosebumps you get when I turn you on." He tighten his other hand on my thigh.

A small moan escaped my lips.

"And that. That sexy little noise you make when you want me inside of you. I'm addicted to that noise. I could live in moments like this. Where I have you in my arms. I need this. Whenever I'm not with you, I crave these moments. It's all I think about. You're all that I think about."

"That's love."

"Not when you're sick. Not for me."

"Don't say that."

"I'm an addict."

"No. You were an addict. You're good. We're good."

"It doesn't go away. I just found something healthier. For me. Not for you. You deserve better than this."

"Stop. Nothing is better than this. This is love. What we have is love." I put my hand on the left side of his chest. "You're labeling this wrong."

"No I'm not. I'm addicted to the way you make me feel. I'm addicted to you, Penny." He pushed the hem of my dress up, trailing his fingers against my skin.

"No, James. That's love. That's just love. I feel the same as you. I do. James, it's okay. We're okay."

He grabbed my hips and pulled my thong hard, ripping the lacy fabric in his hands. "I need you all the time."

Holy s**t. I could feel his erection pressed against me. It was so hard to focus on his words when I was so incredibly turned on. "I need you the same way you need me. Don't you see that?"

"But it's just like you said. You didn't need saving, Penny. I did." He thrust into me hard.

Fuck. My fingertips dug into his back. "I thought I lost you," I moaned.

"I thought I lost you," he said back as he thrust even deeper inside of me.

"You'll never lose me." This was love. This was our love. And to me, it was the best kind of love possible.

He pushed my dress up and I lifted my arms up so he could pull it the rest of the way off. He made short work of my bra. As soon as his hands touched my breasts he moaned into my mouth.

"I'm addicted to every inch of your body, baby. Every f*****g inch." He slammed into me hard. My back was digging into the edge of the granite counter top.

I knew he was exhausted and upset. But he was also wrong. He was just plain wrong. This was not unrequited love, it never had been. He wasn't addicted to me. He was in love with me.

I grabbed a fistful of his hair to pull his mouth off mine. "I love your smile. And your laugh. Whenever I smell your body wash or cologne I get turned on." I felt the same as him. And it wasn't a sickness. It was love.

"Penny."

"I love having your arms wrapped around me. And the way you absentmindedly run your fingers through your hair. I love the color of your eyes and the way that they're always on me. And I love this," I said as I tightened my legs around him. "I crave this too. I miss you when we're apart. I love every inch of you too. Love, James. Not addiction. It's love. I love you."

"Penny."

"So how about you stop f*****g me and make love to me because that's what we have."

"Baby, I'm so sorry." He pulled my face against his chest. "I'm so sorry." He held me like that for a moment. My hair was wet, so maybe I imagined it, but it felt like his tears were falling on the top of my head. I hadn't been wrong. I hadn't imagined it. We had grown together. What we had was real.

"Make love to me, James," I whispered against his chest.

"I always make love to you. Always, Penny." He grabbed my hips firmly and walked over to the master bedroom. He kicked the door open with his foot.

"Not here, James. Not in Rob's bed."

"It's our bed. Remember?" He threw me down onto it.

"Of course I remember." I looked up into his eyes. There was something there that I had never seen before. They almost looked stormy. Like something was brewing in his mind and it couldn't be stopped. I watched him pull off his t-shirt.

"We've always been wrong. You were my student for Christ's sake. We were never supposed to happen."

"But we did happen. Because despite what you think, we've always been right."

Something crossed over his face and he climbed on top of me on the bed. His strong hands pushed my thighs apart as the tip of his c**k pressed against me. "We were always wrong, Penny. But it's always felt so f*****g right." He pressed into me slowly this time, gently, lovingly. "And that's what's so terrifying," he whispered.

I barely heard him say it. But I definitely heard it. He was finally opening up to me. It felt like he was finally ready to share his heart completely. I let myself get lost in the moment. I let myself get lost in him.