A True Love Affair

      "Chase?" A shrill female voice shrieked into his ear.         "Hum?" Chase responded as he tried to catch his bearings. Chase was having a wondrous daydream about two blondes and a red mustang. Both had been big chested and completely naked.         "Did you fax the paperwork I left on your desk" Sometimes Chase wondered how his father could tolerate such a shrew of a woman. She was heavy set with a big mole on her nose. She looked like one of those hags from those old which movies.         Chase decided not to call her out on her overly lost voice. It was listening to nails being clawed down a blackboard. Unpleasant and inhumane, to say the least. "Humm" Chase began as he looked down at his desk to see the file sitting beneath his hand. "Yes?" Chase replied about as unconvincing as a child saying he didn't steal a candy bar when he was holding it right in his hand.         "Then why did Mr. Jefferies just ring me to ask where the paperwork was." The shrew replied in a distasteful tone. "He is due in a meeting in twenty minutes and is in dire need of that file" she continued to speak her stretching voice getting louder the longer she spoke. "This is an important case, don't make me have a word with your father" she threatened to expect him to jump at the mere him of running to my father.       Chase sat squarely in his seat and looked the shrew in the face and spoke in a to iant tone "I faxed it when I saw it on my desk, if he doesn't have it then I don't know why. Maybe the fax machine isn't working. Again! I will send it again." The shrew backed away from his desk, baffled at the tone he had taken with her like it was completely out of character.        "I will be telling your father about this" she huffed as she exited his office, allowing the door to slam behind him.          Chase snickered as he watched her waddle down the hallway and noticed she had a piece of toilet paper stuck to her shoe. Chase couldn't hold in his laughter any longer. The entire scene was something out of demented comedy show, one you shouldn't watch but you just could help yourself.        He notices she had stopped walking and looked up to see her turn her head to look back at him, steps from her father's door. Chase pondered for a second whether he should tell herr shoe had picked a up straggler. Or to allow her to storm into his father's office and make a scene only to have him point it out to her.        Chase thought about it for a couple of seconds before deciding that it was best to come from him. His father didn't have the heart. Plus this would just rattle her rocker even more.        Chase stood from his desk and pointed down at her feet all while mouthing that she had toilet paper on her shoe. The shrew yelled "speak up boy" across the office. That woman had no filter and no regard for anyone else. Aggravated Chase opened his door and yelled in the same tone she just had "You have s**t wipes on your shoe."        She looked down at her shoe and in a huff, she bent over causing her ass to bump into my father's prized vase. Sending it cascading to the floor in a loud crash. Chase cringed as he began to back away into his office. Only to my interrupted mid escape by his father coughing beside him.        "What are you doing?" His father asked his mouth in a thin line as he made a cross over his heart.         Chase veered his head to the right causing him to collide with the doorframe itself. He felt as if he had just partaken in an elk another fight to dispute who would get the first choice of the yearly fauns waiting to be mounted. "Ow," Chase replied as he rubbed his forehead.          "I was just informing" Chase paused as the shrew was attempting to pick up the vase pieces, hoping my father would not notice. For the life of him, he could remember his name. He had heard it enough times to know it, but as always called her by the screw.         "Mrs. McDonald" his father replied as he filled in the blank.         "Yes, Mrs. McDonald" Chase repeated his father's words trying to be smooth about the situation. Chase cursed the shrew in his mind, now he would have the old McDonald song in his head for the rest of the day. "That she had toilet paper on her shoe"         "I believe your exact words with s**t wipes, son!" His father stated with annoyance laced in his voice.         "I don't believe that I used the term 's**t paper'" Chase spoke in an adverse term, hoping to distract his father. Chase looked over at a man wearing a UPS uniform and nodded towards the man. "Did you hear me use the term 's**t paper'?" Chase asked while using air quotes to emphasize the phrase under attack.        The man looked between him and his father and shook his head. "s**t paper was what I heard, but don't take an old man's word for it" he responded in annoyance as he attempted to signal his father toward him to sign for the packages so he could get back to his deliveries.        Chase used the opportunity to distract his father in an attempt to spare him from a lecture about the nature of conducting business in the office. "Uhmm, Dad the man looks like he's in a hurry to get out of here" Chase spoke as he pointed to the delivery man who held his metal clipboard toward his father when he turned to face him.        "He's not the only one" Chase muttered under his breath hoping his father hadn't heard him. His father looked between the delivery man and himself and shook his head.        "I'm not done with you, son" he replied before returning to the UPS delivery guy.          Chase hurried into his office to retrieve the file from his earlier showdown with the shrew. Or should he say, Mrs. McDonald? As chase made his way past his father he caught the ass end of their current conversation.         "You know I have a brother and his son is much like yours, he enrolled him in the military. Straightened him right out. That boy was never the same, no more lip if you know what I mean?" The UPS man said. Chase cringed at the idea of being surrounded by men in the middle of combat with no woman nearby.        If the man wanted him straight the prospect of a sausage fest would straighten him out. "No, but thanks for the suggestion. He's a little too old for that know" his father replied. "Where were you about 10 years about when he was just finishing high school" his father laughed at his own joke as he bid the man a good day.         Real funny, Chase thought to himself. If his father had forced the issue ten years ago he never would have made it to home base with Sue Tremor that summer. He could have died a virgin that year. Now, that would have been a bummer.         Chase could hear his father having a deep and infinite conversation with her. Instead of eavesdropping Chase decided to distract himself with the faxing of old case files to the number on the sticky note, all while singing "Old McDonald had a farm, eh ie eh ie o' and on that farm he had a cow eh ie eh ie o'."       Just then his father tapped him on the shoulder. "Real funny, son." Chase looked at his father with confusion written across his face. "Once you're done here, I think you need to step into my office" his father spoke before heading there.         Great, Chase thought to himself, he was in for it again.