The Return of the Luna Duchess

05 Awakening States

I feel the chill crawl up and down my spine and the blood drain from my face when I recalled the memory.

Of course. I remember now.

This was the time when the maids had played a prank on me and gave me spoiled food underneath my soup, contaminating the rest of my food in the end.

Despite being the Duchess, the treatment I've been receiving from the staff and people here in the duchy was--and still is--more or less abominable.

Most probably because other than I was--and am--a new face in the estate, they are all aware of the fact that my husband and I don't share a relationship.

It was a relationship where the staff won't fear any punishment if ever and whenever they try to mess with the Duchess because the Duke didn't and doesn't care.

And as if that's not enough, the other fact that I am a Luna, a Werewolf shifter, who is defective in their eyes.

I may be a Luna just like that however, I am one of those few who has an unknown Awakening time.

What is an Awakening time? And why does it matter if my Awakening State is unknown?

Well, being a part of the Werewolf or Wolf Shifter race, we have two States to go through in life.

And that's our Unawakened State and our Awakened State.

Every pup born from the Luna Kingdom or is a Wolf Shifter is born in their Unawakened State.

This means they will look like Humans, a race that is considered to be the most inferior yet indispensable to the Three Kingdoms(Luna, Bloodborne, and Arcana). Along with the appearance, the pups will be as strong as a Human as well.

In other words, they'll be weak and vulnerable against other Shifters and older pups.

However, that vulnerability doesn't last long.

Once the pup grows up, they become stronger and will hit their growth spurt, making them stronger as well as mature and grow faster than Humans.

When that happens, it will only be a matter of time before the pup's Awakened State is determined.

Long ago, no one knows how to calculate a cub or a Wolf Shifter's Awakened State.

According to the books of the Northern Wolves, a renowned sub-type of Wolves that live in the Northern area of the Luna Kingdom, Wolf Shifters usually just let Nature takes its course. Nature decides when is the right time for a pup to undergo their Awakened State and they go with the flow.

It's how Wolf Shifter should live.

However, advanced magic and greed for power and status happened. Thanks to that, the usual way of life that the Shifters are experiencing slowly faded into the background.

Such a change brought both good and bad results for the Shifters' way of life.

Advanced magic, developed by the people of Arcana as a sign of friendship and partnership, made it possible for the people in the Luna Kingdom to figure out when the pup's Awakened State would be happening.

Normally, knowing a pup's Awakened State is not bad and the experience is usually equivalent to the parents wanting to see whether their baby is a boy or a girl.

Unfortunately, I also mentioned greed for power and status.

Yes, one might wonder why I even mentioned those in the first place but it was necessary information.

Why?

Well, that's because a lot of Shifters in the Luna Kingdom became greedy for power and status as the years passed by.

The Luna Kingdom nurturing that greed didn't help matters. Thanks to that, the Shifters also grew more arrogant by the day.

Therefore, whenever a resident of the Luna Kingdom had a pup, whether the pup is born from a young couple, an old couple, noble or poor, they will always want to find out when their pup will come into their Awakened State.

And those pups who will have their Awakening early are considered to be the biggest boon a family can receive.

The earlier the Awakening State, the more and the higher the prestige the family of the pup will receive.

This is due to the palace's order that they will give special privileges to those families who have pups that are early Awakeners.

Even if they are from a poor family, the pup will be given special treatment, sent to a special school to train and hone their abilities, and the family will live as a noble despite not having a title.

Not that there's a problem with the palace rewarding those families with pups who Awaken early.

Pups who have an early Awakened State were and are always considered a blessing to a family. Especially since, for the past couple of years, the birth rates in the Luna Kingdom have been declining for some reason.

If a pup is Awakened early, this means they will be able to fend for themselves without much interference from their parents. They will be able to live a more stable life when they grow up independently and don't get to suffer through the Separation Anxiety phase.

As is how the Wolf Shifter life should be as per the Northern Wolves decree.

Unfortunately, because of the palace order, that sacred and natural way of living for the Shifters has been further shoved into the background.

There is no problem for the palace to reward families with pups with an early Awakened State.

For one, the problem lies with them rewarding those families for the wrong reasons.

I know, as the Duchess--rotten as I may be, I am still doing my job, that the Luna Kingdom aims to create an army full of soldiers who have an early Awakened State.

And two, other than giving those families an overly generous reward, they are also being spoiled rotten by sending them financial maintenance. And that's given to them every month in return for handing over their pup to the palace and giving them 'temporary' custody of the child.

Blinded by the prestige and greed for power and status, especially from those families who are on the poorer side of the Kingdom--where most early Awakeners are born, Wolf Shifters begin to 'make' more pups and hoped they'll be early Awakeners as well.

And if a pup is a late Awakener...then, they are considered weak and a disgrace to the family.

It's even worse if the family already had an early Awakener in their household, the late Awakener will be subjected to ruthless insults and merciless comparison to their sibling.

I know that given my past behavior, I have no right to judge such a family.

However, I also have a reason why I acted that way. I did that because I care for my family and I wanted to protect them.

The family who is copying me doesn't have that kind of motivation fueling their actions. Therefore, I think I may have some right to judge that what they're doing is not right.

Granted that pups who have Awakened early are stronger than those who did so late, but that's only because they get to train earlier than those who Awakened later.

Depending on how many years the early Awakeners have been training themselves, that's how much advantage they have against the late Awakeners.

But that's not all.

Apparently, there is an early Awakener, a late Awakener, and this so-called stunted Awakener.

Stunted Awakeners are neither early nor they are late Awakeners.

For some reason, just a couple years ago, after the Luna Kingdom started categorizing early and late Awakeners in pups and started fighting over the reward the palace has been giving out, it's been found that the estimated time of Awakening for some pups has become unknown.

Again, with the help of the people from Arcana, they studied and figured out the cause of such a new phenomenon.

Not long after that, they managed to figure it out. Though, not all of it.

That's because the cause of stunted Awakening is unknown.

What they do know is that pups with stunted Awakening either awaken really, really late in their life. The longest time recorded is when a pup reached their twentieth birthday before the Awakening.

Or...stunted Awakeners who got past their twentieth birthday and still haven't Awakened means...they're doomed to live like Humans for the rest of their lives.

And I'm one of those in the past who had stunted Awakening.

And now that I am past my twentieth birthday, nearing thirty and with already two kids, it doesn't take a genius to put two and two together to figure out that I am going to live the rest of my life as a Human.

And as mentioned before, Shifters here in the Luna Kingdom never fail to show their disdain towards Humans.

Unlike the other two Kingdoms, the Luna Kingdom is slowly but surely the one starting to put up their noses against, not only to the Humans, but against the other races as well.

Yes, even the people from Arcana, a Kingdom that has been a long-time ally of the Wolf Shifters. On the other hand, the relationship between the Bloodborne Kingdom and the Luna Kingdom had always been shaky.

And I have always worried that the current King, bastard that he is, might be stupid enough to wage a war against them using the early Awakeners that they have been amassing for the past years.

The arrogant bastard just knows nothing about slowing down and being content. But it shows that he is not content with being greedy by himself but also wants his subjects to join his club.

Thanks to that, Shifters are now arrogant against all races. More importantly, Shifters have a really, really low opinion of Humans.

The bottomline, based on the information I just mentioned, is that despite being a Duchess with a bad attitude, I am also one of those unlucky few who is a stunted Awakener.

A foreigner and unwanted Duchess that is more Human than Wolf.

What could possibly be more attractive to pick on in this estate other than me?

Since I'm the only one who knew why I am acting so wretched, I don't blame the staff entirely for being mean to me.

From their perspective, I am just a haughty outsider who uses the title of a Duchess to lord and order them around as well as insult and criticize whatever it is that they do.

However, that's all I ever did.

I never lifted a hand and struck them. Never. Not once.

They can resent me all they want but truthfully, food poisoning me like that is out of the line. Way out of the line.

As my youngest son's cries penetrate my senses again, I am reminded that I am in my room. That I went back in time or I dreamt of the future. And that my sons are currently in the room with me.

I look at their pitiful faces, Kieran's face is red from crying while Keenan's face seems to be devoid of all color. He looks so scared and looks more like a deer in the headlights than the wolf pup that he is.

I remember in my dream or past life that I was wallowing in pain from my food poisoning. I was irritable and I never wanted anyone to disturb me back then.

Not to mention that I just received a letter from Father on that day, asking for money when I don't have any more personal funds until my next allowance from the Head butler arrives.

It's no secret now how my Father treated me and used me for his own greed and selfish gain ever since my Mother passed away.

Thanks to that, I already sold a lot of my clothes and jewelry, so I have something to send to him and shut him up for a moment or two. Whenever that happens, this gives me some space to myself.

And unfortunately for me, I have no more funds.

I don't want to use my husband's money to give to my bastard of a Father.

I am a liability to him for being the one who was just forced on him to marry as well as being a stunted Awakener and I don't want to add any more burden to him than I already am.

Therefore, I make it a point that even though I am fulfilling my role as the Detestable Duchess, I am still doing my duties as a Duchess seriously. I thought it was the least I can do to make up for all the trouble I am causing to the duchy's reputation.

And because of that, I was using my own funds, coming from my own share of the wealth as the Duchess, to send to my Father and keep him quiet.

I never even thought about not sending him any money because of my fear of him...

Well, now that I know that he was just bluffing and he really can't do anything to me or my children without my saying so, I am NOT going to give him a cent.

Not anymore.

Anyway, that is the now.

In the past, when the fear still has a strong and unbreakable clutch over me, I was filled with pain, worry, and anger at my situation that...I took it out on my children.

Resulting in a situation where I almost did the unthinkable.

But now, that is going to change.

Especially when I am feeling no pain in my stomach right now nor am I feeling the panic and fear in the corners of my heart anymore.

Not that I'm going to repeat the same mistake that I did even if I still am feeling those sensations.

Taking a deep, calming, and fortifying breath, I give my eldest a small smile and offer my arms up to him.

He takes a small step back, his wary eyes jumping between my smiling face down to my offered arms.

"Give me your brother," I tell him, my voice still hoarse but I kept it soft and low.

"W-what are you going to do to him?" Keenan asks a little shakily.

I brush away the twinge in my heart at the question. I know that he's wary of me and that he's very doubtful despite the fact that he came to me for a reason.

I never treated him well before and I know that me acting so differently right now is a little--well, no--it's more than a little shocking for him. However, I am not going to keep on dismissing his existence in my life anymore and keep on cowering.

I will change right here, right now. And I'll just come up with some excuse later on.

"Didn't you come here to my room so I can feed your brother? And the reason why he's crying right now is because he's hungry, right?"

Keenan looks down on his brother and back up at my face.

Probably thinking that he doesn't have any other choice or that he was here for that and there's no other reason for him to back off, he steps forward and gently hands his crying brother over.

"I just..." Keenan starts as the baby is safely in my arms and stalled my attempt to look at my youngest for the first time.

"I just," he repeats with a shaky voice and swallows audibly before he starts to twiddle his fingers and shifts in place, averting his gaze from me. "I read in a book in Daddy's library that Mommies should feed the babies themselves so the babies will grow up happily."

And my heart broke yet again for this sad and lonely little boy of mine.

He brought his younger brother to me even though he knows that Kieran is well fed by the duchy's staff. He is wary of me and isn't sure as to what I'll do once I see him in my room--since I never let him inside of my room before--yet he bravely faced me so I can feed his brother.

Not because Kieran is being starved but...he read in a book that a Mother feeding a baby means that it will make the baby grow happily.

He took Kieran to me in hopes that his younger sibling will grow up happier than him.

Oh...Keenan...

With teary eyes, I purse my lips and reached forward. I safely move the strangely quiet Kieran a little ways to my left and with my right arm, I loop it around Keenan, and pulled him to me.

I ignore his surprised squeak and letting go of my urges, I let myself do what I've always wanted to do.

I hugged him.