The Return of the Luna Duchess

14 Things are Changing Now

"Mommy...Mommy..."

I snap open my eyes with a gasp and I find myself breathing heavily. It's like I ran a marathon that left me breathless and now I'm panting like there's no tomorrow. It also feels like it when I notice that I was also sweating buckets.

Everything is dark but it wasn't as dark as I remembered it to be.

I can see that I am back in my room with a familiar view of the ceiling.

From the corner of my eye, the view from the window outside tells me that it's still nighttime. However, I can see hints of pink and orange in the sky which could only mean that morning is on the horizon, literally and metaphorically.

For some reason, I felt a little relieved at that.

"Mommy?"

Turning my head to where the voice came from, Keenan's concerned face comes into view.

He is lying on his side of the bed and is facing me, his blue eyes wide with surprise and worry.

How can I forget that ever since we made that promise to each other about me wanting to become a better mother to them, along with the fact that we're keeping Kieran's Awakening a secret, both of my boys started sleeping in my room?

Keenan sleeps on the bed with me and Kieran's in the crib just beside us.

"What is it, sweetie?" I ask him.

Despite the dimness of the room, I can see the outline of his arm reach out towards me and I feel his small palm on my cheek, his fingers smoothing over my skin gingerly and softly, as if scared that his touch might hurt me.

"You were crying, Mommy..." he whispers.

I was?

Blinking against the darkness, I lift my hand up and touch my other cheek. And indeed, my fingers came out wet.

I WAS crying...but why?

"Did you have a bad dream, Mommy? Is that why you are crying?"

Come to think of it, I do remember dreaming about something but, for the life of me, I can't remember what it was all about.

"Hmm..." I pretend to ponder. "I'd like to think so, baby."

Keenan's eyes, which are only noticeable because his blue eyes seem to glow, widen in the dark.

"But Mommy is a grown-up!" he gasps, his blue eyes wide and his expression is filled with disbelief as if the very notion of me having a nightmare is ludicrous.

In that instant, the heaviness and the anxiety I'd been feeling all but faded away.

I chuckle and reach up to pat Keenan's cheek. "Yes, Mommy is a grown-up. But Mommy is also like you who dreams too." I tap the tip of his nose with a finger. "And that also means Mommy can have good dreams and bad dreams too."

If I thought that Keenan's eyes can't get any bigger, I was proven wrong when he did just that.

"You must have a really bad dream for you to even cry while you were sleeping, Mommy. What did you dream about?" He pauses and seemed to think about what he said before he shakes his head. "No, I don't that it's rude to ask that but I want to know."

He suddenly puts his hands up before him and made tiny fists, his face scowling in anger.

I am surprised at the sudden action but I am not alarmed. I'm glad though, that never did I even think of him looking so angry and assumed it was aimed at me this time.

"I want to know because if ever those bad dreams come back again, I will know and I will kick their butts and protect you, Mommy," he tells me eagerly.

I can't help but laugh at that cute declaration.

And when Keenan's expression grows even more upset, his anger clearly directed at me now, my mirth only grew and I giggled even harder.

"Mommy! Why are you laughing?!" Keenan demands, pouting. "If you are laughing because you think I can't protect you from the bad dreams, then I want to tell you that my swordsmanship instructor told me that I am one of his best students! He even said that I was better than those kids that got sent to the Palace!"

The reminder of the Early Awakeners, and the fact that Kieran had already Awakened himself, is like a bucket of cold water that alerted me awake.

A reminder that my reality right now is not all cupcakes and rainbows.

I still have to be on my guard if I want to ensure a happy future for my boys. And that requires Keenan to have no, nada, and zero interactions with Olga as well as keep the fact of Kieran's Awakening hidden from the King.

Coming down from the temporary Cloud Nine of spending a sweet early morning with my Keenan, I wipe the tears of joy that gathered from the corner of my eyes and I shake my head at him.

"No, no, baby, you misunderstood me. I wasn't laughing at you because you can't protect me. I am just happy to see that you are such a sweet and very cute boy."

I press my lips together to stop myself from laughing even further when that statement earned a look of disbelief and disgust on Keenan's face.

"Eww, no! Men like me are not cute! We are strong and capable and reliable and handsome!"

He puffs out his chest and I didn't miss him emphasizing the word 'men'.

"Haha, that you are, baby. That you are."

He pouts even further at my agreement. "I am not a baby anymore, Mommy. Kieran is the baby. Not me."

"But...you are my baby, Keenan," I whisper to him, giving him a small smile.

I see his eyes go misty despite the dimness of the room. Without another word, I open my arms toward him.

I feel my heart swell gratefully in my chest when Keenan didn't hesitate to shuffle across the bed and snuggle in my arms. Well, he whimpered a bit but that's mostly because he doesn't want to lose in our verbal battle but can't help wanting to be hugged.

Sighing contentedly, I pull Keenan close and bask in the sensation of his tiny body in my arms.

I can't recall how many times I lie awake at night and imagine a scene like this to happen back then. All those lonely nights trying to imagine hugging my sons and failing to do so...

It was unbearable.

I still don't know if it was a dream that let me peek into the future or something that really happened and I just regressed, but I know one thing.

Everything that is happening to me right now is a miracle and a blessing. Whether it was a dream or a regression, I don't care. I will consider this as my present and my now.

Also, I know I said that I will take my time with Keenan.

However, it's been almost three days since he came into my room in the middle of the night and I am happy to see that it didn't take a very long time for Keenan to warm up to me.

In fact, I'm surprised that after that promise we made to each other in keeping Kieran's Awakening a secret, he became a clingy and affectionate little boy.

It was as if he had been waiting for this moment to happen and won't even care about the past as long as he can enjoy the now with me. It's like he didn't even hold a grudge against me for ignoring his existence for five years.

As much as I appreciate this surprising result, I feel a little bad. If he doesn't want to punish me for all the wrong I did to him, then I give it my all and not only do my best but do better than my best.

Because if I don't, then I don't think I deserve this sweet, sweet boy.

Maybe I should take a page off my son's book and apply it to my life as well. However, the thought of doing something like that with my father is making me feel sick to my stomach.

Yeah, no...maybe not. I'll just leave that kind of thing to the kids.

"What was your bad dream about, Mommy?" Keenan's question snaps me out of my thoughts. "You never told me and I want to know."

Looking down just in time to see Keenan tip his face up, our eyes meet and I open my mouth to answer him only to close it again and frown. I rack my brain, trying to recall what that nightmare was about but try as I might, I can't remember anymore.

"I...I don't remember, baby," I tell him.

He's silent for a moment and I worry if he thinks I'm lying. Just when I was about to think of something to prove that I really didn't remember what I dreamt about, Keenan nods his head

"It's okay, Mommy. I know how you feel. Sometimes, I dream something too and when I wake up, I don't remember my dreams anymore."

He reaches up and pats my cheek. "And I think that's a good thing that you don't remember, Mommy. You don't have something scary or sad to remember and make you cry again."

My heart melts for this small boy that was in my stomach, slowly growing for the past nine months before he was born. I really regret letting my fear get in the way of meeting and taking care of this wonderful child.

And what's more, he's my child.

My baby. No one else's. And most especially not Olga's.

We stayed in bed hugging each other for who knows how long when I hear a soft knock on my door.

"Pardon me for disturbing you so early in the morning, Your Ladyship." I hear the Head butler's slightly muffled voice from outside the room. "However, I would like to inquire as to what you and the Young Master Keenan would like to have for breakfast today."

Frowning, I lift my head off my pillow for a moment and stared outside my window.

The small hints of orange and pink in the sky, signifying that the dawn was just breaking, already disappeared. In its stead is a refreshing sky blue with a splash of gold from the rays of the sun that are slowly peeking inside the room.

Huh...I didn't know that Keenan and I were chatting for so long that it was already early in the morning.

I turn my attention back to Keenan. "So, what do you want to have for breakfast, sweetie?"

He groans and snuggles deeper into my arms. "I don't wanna."

I shake my head at him, smiling. "And why, pray tell, don't you want to have breakfast? Are you planning to starve yourself to death, huh? Well, that is not happening on my watch, Little Mister."

"Nooooooo," he groans again. "It's just...if we have breakfast, that means that it's already daytime."

"Yeah, uh-huh. Tell me something I don't know, baby."

"Well," he looks up at me and puffed up his face. "If we go eat breakfast, it means it's daytime. And this is not any ordinary daytime!"

"Oh? What's the difference between this daytime against the other daytimes?" I humor him.

"This is the daytime where I resume my swordsmanship lessons..." he grumbles under his breath as he looks away, still looking so sour as if someone had peed in his porridge.

"But I thought you love your swordsmanship lesson," I ask with a frown, growing concerned about this behavior of his.

The Keenan I knew in the past became one of the best sword masters, not because it was a prerequisite for him but because he really has a passion for the activity.

At least that's what I recall from the small footnotes I peeked into while I was putting away the Head butler's reports of Keenan's progress in his studies.

Yes, despite me putting them away and out of my sight, I burned those few comments and notes on the reports in my heart. Feeling the pride that I wasn't supposed to feel, internally crushing it down before I can let myself get carried and put my sons in danger.

Well, things are definitely going to change now. And I'm glad that I don't have to hide how proud I am to have an Early Awakener and a talented, genius swords master.

But that's not the time for me to think about that for now.

Especially when someone who's supposed to love swordsmanship is now implying that they'd rather not engage in any swordsmanship lessons right now.

"Is there something wrong with your lessons, Keenan? Is it your instructor? Do you want to change the place where you are training?" I ask, a little worried.

"No, no. It's not that, Mommy!" he says, shaking his head vigorously from side to side. "It's just..." he looks away again and I see his face turn a little on the pink side.

Is he... embarrassed? Aww, how cute! I wonder what he's being so shy about.

"What is it, baby? You can tell me. I promise I won't laugh," I urge gently.

He gives me a glance but still averted his gaze when he answered. "It's just...I want to be with you and Kieran more. I want...more days like this, where we're all together. Day and night."

It's so early in the morning, heck the day hadn't even started moments ago and Keenan just keeps on melting my heart with his sweet wistful wishes.

"Oh, baby," I reach out, catching his chin with my thumb and forefinger and gently tipping his face back to mine. "If you are worried that things won't be like this when you come back, don't be. How about we move your training area, hmm?"

He tilts his head curiously at that, scrunching his face a little with confusion along the way.

"But, Mommy, there's nothing wrong with my current training area."

"Well, how about...." I pretend to think. "You use the training room that your Dad uses?"

He blinks, surprised. I can see a shimmer of excitement in his eyes and I knew that it was something he'd like.

I recalled that my husband had given his training area to Keenan when he was eight and I knew that Keenan always spent his time there.

Why do I know that when I am supposed to be the mother who ignored her children?

Well, I was the one who managed the transfer of the training area from my husband to Keenan. And I was also the one who refurbished the whole area to make it fit for a growing boy like Keenan.

"Daddy's training area?" The confusion on Keenan's face resurfaced yet again. "Why?"

"Well," I give him a sly smile and kissed the top of his head. "Let's just say that I have a great view of that place from my office."

Keenan looks at me blankly for a moment. And when his eyes widen, I knew what I said had sunk in.

As fast as lightning, he scrambles out of bed and was already out the door to tell the Head butler what he wanted for breakfast.

And I laughed.