The Return of the Luna Duchess

08 Behind this Child's Mind

In the dead of the night, when the whole household is asleep and not a sound--not even a peep or a creak is made, save from the long and even breathing of those who are sleeping.

Amidst the silence, someone lies awake after pretending to be.

All of a sudden, his eyes pop open, the blue orbs seem to glow in the dark as he takes in his surroundings.

The ceiling has a different design and there are no stars that glow there unlike in his room. The chandelier is also a lot bigger and has more decorations in them, more sparkly gems.

And most importantly, the bed he's on feels a little bigger than normal. A little firm but it was okay.

Plus...it smells like flowers in here.

Like the white poppies he always admires in his mother's garden. A garden he knows his mother cares for and nurtures more than she does him and his brother.

Her children. Her own flesh and blood.

Keenan wondered how and why his mother chose to care for some plants when he and Kieran are there?

He has always pondered on the question as to why that was the case.

As for himself, he doesn't mind much that his mother almost never paid any attention to him since he's used to it while he was growing up.

However, he wants it to be different for his little brother.

Although, well...to be honest, he doesn't want to admit it out loud, but a tiny sprout of hope and yearning still lurks in the deepest darkest corners of his heart.

A hope and yearning that somehow, someday, he too will be on the receiving end of his mother's care and nurturing attention the same way she gives her flowers whenever she goes to her garden.

Even though he said that he doesn't mind, he actually feels jealous of the flowers, and...there were times when he wanted to tear through her gardens just to get her attention. He thought he won't care if she scolded him for destroying her gardens as long as she notices him.

But...he didn't let his surges get the better of him.

Not because he's a nice person. He knows he's not. Especially when he still wants to destroy that garden.

The reason why he didn't go and trample the garden like he wanted to was the possibility that his mother would still not care whether he ruins anything she owns or not.

And...he doesn't want to know if that is the case or not. He just can't risk it.

He had devised plan after plan as to how he can effectively take his mother's attention and have her notice him. However, almost every plan he managed to come up with give him plenty of possibilities where his mother can easily just ignore him still.

And he doesn't want that.

But maybe it was fate or it was a sign from the heavens that he managed to find that book about how breastfeeding can make a baby happier when they grow.

Of course, he knows that whatever was stated in the book was not true. Not only does the information there lack evidence but most are just regurgitated and paraphrased versions of myths and old wives' tales.

He was about to set it aside and ask the librarian to have it resold when an idea hit him.

No matter if the book was full of poppycock. The important thing is that he can use that faulty information to his advantage.

And that's where he devised a plan.

To finally take one huge risk and give his all in this one last attempt to appeal to his mother. He thought he will lessen the chances of getting ignored and get better results this way.

Surely, with Kieran with him, it will boost his odds of getting a reaction from their mother, right?

That way, he will finally know what the deal was with this stubborn yearning inside of him that tells him he has to be near his mother. Not only that but if everything goes well, he will be able to secure a brighter and happier childhood for his brother while growing up.

However...

He blinks up at the unfamiliar ceiling and turns on his side. He ended up facing his little brother. As he watches his sibling sleep peacefully for so long for the first time.

Keenan wasn't kidding when he told his mother that he was amazed.

Normally, whenever Kieran sleeps at night, he usually wakes up at certain intervals to cry and fuss until Keenan comes to pat him to sleep again.

This time though, Kieran is still fast asleep since his mother had held him for what seemed hours ago.

Keenan tilts his head so he can listen to the sounds made in the entire estate.

When he hears nothing but the usual sleeping noises the people made inside the estate, most especially ensuring him that his mother is now fast asleep as well, he slowly and gently reaches out to poke Kieran's cheek.

Such a small move usually wakes his little brother up but not this time. And it puts his mind and heart at ease that his brother gets some much-needed sleep now.

When he decided to go on with his plan and seek Kieran's help in trying to get their mother's attention, he suddenly got cold feet and hesitated when they arrived in her room.

He suddenly felt guilty and even though he told Kieran what he was planning--somehow knowing his brother was also on board with his plan without Kieran telling him or anything like that--he was having second thoughts.

And that was when his mother woke up. Keenan was prepared for the worst but he was caught off-guard when she did the unthinkable.

She called him 'Sweetie'.

And he thought that that was the end of it. But then, after that, he received surprise after surprise that he didn't know what or how to even react.

What happened just now was beyond his expectations. Wait, no. What happened just now didn't even exist in the list of expectations in his head.

Saying that what his mother did caught him off-guard was an understatement.

Did that really happen though? Or was he just having some kind of fever dream? Because why would his mother, someone who had never bothered to even check up on him for five years, suddenly act so affectionate?

Blinking again, he lifts his head a little from his pillow and surveyed the room.

Yes, it seems he's still inside her room, alright. It looks like the place is real.

He reaches down and pinched his arm and winced when he felt pain.

Yep. So he wasn't just dreaming that his mother had offered for him to sleep in her room with Kieran.

And...he was relieved, to be honest.

He sighs and lets his head fall back onto his pillow. His mother's pillow.

He still can't believe that braving against the nerves and the hesitations he had, he managed to come into her room with Kieran and played the 'I'm innocent, I'm just a kid who knew nothing' card.

Blinking in the darkness, his eyes roam around the place once more. He's actually been here plenty of times before.

He knows it's bad but he can't help but sneak inside her room sometimes. This is so he won't be able to forget what she looks like.

Why did he do that when it was painfully obvious that his mother was avoiding him and doesn't want anything to do with him?

Well...he also doesn't know.

But come to think of it...maybe there is this one thing that might be the reason...

Keenan doesn't know if it was real or not but...sometimes, he'll dream about something.

It shouldn't be so surprising since kids his age dream all the time and read in books that, just like other kids out there, dreams are a normal and a natural part of life.

Most of his dreams are random, ranging from the mundane to some that are a little more action-packed than others. Still, no matter how different one dream is from the next, they all have one thing in common.

And that is the fact that he forgets them as soon as he wakes up.

Well, he doesn't really forget everything. Keenan remembers the gist and the point of his dreams, but the details? They are all lost on him.

And as mentioned, his dreams are all different. Not one is the same.

However, one dream in particular always returns to him. He dreams about it often and unlike the rest of his dreams, he never forgets about it when he wakes up.

For example, if he ever tries to recall one, he can only remember foggy bits and pieces of it. On the other hand, if he tries to remember that one recurring dream of his, it's as clear as day.

It's so clear and it's so vivid, if he didn't know it was a dream, he would have thought something like that happened for real.

Closing his eyes, he tried to recall the dream again.

He remembers the first time he dreamt of that dream. And it always starts on a bright and warm morning.

Like a spectator on the side, he can see that a woman was standing in the middle of a big room. One that looks unfamiliar to him but he knows that it was a part of the duchy--and he thought it probably still is.

In contrast to the unfamiliarity of the room, he knows the woman standing in the room without a doubt.

It was his mother.

Her hair was straight, smooth, and silky black. The same hair that he sees on Kieran, save for it curling on the ends.

However, he can't see her blue eyes because her eyes are closed, all the while hugging something to her chest. She was holding whatever it was so close to her as if it was the most important and precious thing to her. Like it was her lifeline and that letting go of it would cost her her life.

And before the curiosity and the jealousy get the best of him, he watches his mother pulling away.

To his surprise, he saw that she was hugging a baby.

He thought the baby was Kieran at first, but his view changed, allowing him to get a closer look, his eyes widened to see that the baby wasn't sporting the same black hair as her but silver hair. The same hair he sees on his head in the mirror.

Seeing those big blue eyes on the baby only cemented the fact that it was not Kieran, but him.

The one thing he can never forget about in that dream was seeing his mother cry as she holds the baby close to her again before planting a kiss on the baby's head.

And the dream ends.

He mentioned before that he didn't mind his mother ignoring and neglecting him. He had tried in the past to try and get her to notice him before and they all failed until he noticed that he started seeing less and less of his mother.

He knew then that she was avoiding him.

Just when he decided to give up trying to appeal to her and started to get used to being without her, that's when he started dreaming that particular dream.

And that made him frustrated because it made him feel. It made him want that kind of affection from his mother. And what's worse, the dream made him realize that he was lying to himself when he said he didn't mind her neglect.

In truth, he minded so much to the point where he tried to devise plan after plan just to get her attention.

And now that he has it--

He suddenly flinches and automatically remained still when he feels the bed shift and his mother move from her side. He feels her arm drape over his chest and felt her pulling him closer to her and Kieran.

The movement jostled his little brother but it only made Kieran yawn and smack his lips before falling back into deep sleep again.

Glued beside Kieran with his mother's arm around him, he relaxed and settled down, not wanting to move a lot and wake his family.

Well, now that he and Kieran have her attention and more, Keenan fears just how long will this last until she neglects them again.

Despite the worry and anxiety, the thought had made him feel, the arm around him gave some sort of security and he found himself falling fast asleep.

Before he heads down to dreamland once again, he vowed that he'll find a way for her to not leave and neglect them again.

Because he knows, deep down in his heart, that no one can fill the maternal presence in their life other than their mother.

For his and his brother's happiness, one way or another, there has to be a way.