Finding Rayna

 "I am so Dead. Mom is going to kill me. I should be home already. Damn it," I thought to myself. That teacher doesn't understand how my life is total hell at home. She did not know that I was hiding bruises or that I was a maid to those who should be my family.  After school, a teacher wanted to speak with me about a homework assignment that I had not turned in. I am freaking out. It wasn't because the teacher wished to talk to me, but how my mother would react to me arriving home late. Getting home from school a few minutes later than usual wouldn't frazzle most kids. Yet, it has my nerves on edge. When I open the door, I find my mom standing in front of the door, pissed off, and waiting on me. I tremble, knowing that I am going to hear my mom yell and belittle me. "You are late, Rayna Lynn. Where the hell have you been? Who were you out screwing around with?" “It's not like that. My teacher Mrs. Shannon needed to speak to me after school. I had forgotten to turn in an assignment, and she wanted to ensure that I would complete it. So I came right home afterward. I swear, I did." I say with an anxious voice. "You stupid b***h. You can't ever do anything right. You always make excuses; nothing is ever your fault. You are worthless and will never amount to anything. Gosh, you are such a stupid, worthless w***e. How did I end up with a daughter like you? Get your ass in the kitchen and get dinner started; once dinner is over, you can clean the mess up," "Okay, I am on it," I say as I run into the kitchen and start dinner. Our kitchen is an enormous room, white with stainless steel appliances. A few feet away from the stove is an island that I place ingredients on for the Chili I make. On the other side of the kitchen is the dining room table that is pure oak; it can seat eight to ten people. I soon had all the ingredients mixed, the ground beef browned and added to the Chili. Beau, my brother, and Travis, his best friend, walked in as it was simmering. "Hey there, cunt, dinner smells great; get Travis and me a drink. Make it quick; we don't have all damn day," I must not have moved as fast as he thought I should because Beau yells, "Go, damn it. I said we don't have all damn day to sit here and waste. My God, Travis, now do you see why we call her worthless? It's like Rayna has no clue what her ass needs to be doing. She can't do anything right. It's no wonder she doesn't have any friends. Who would want to be friends with someone who is that ugly and worthless?" Beau says, laughing. "I sure wouldn't. Rayna is a w***e? Who knows how many guys have banged that cunt of hers," Travis said as he stared at me, making my skin crawl, winking at me, making me feel uncomfortable. I have never had s*x before, so how they get that I am a w***e or slut is beyond me. I don't have time to make friends. I don't have any time to put into a friendship. Every time I made a friend in the past, I couldn’t do anything with them, and finally, they would find someone that could. I spent my time cooking, cleaning, and doing the things that my family didn’t want to do. I am a maid to them. If they want something and don't want to get up, they yell for me, and I must get it or risk being yelled at or hit. As I went to the refrigerator, mulling over whether I should throw the two bottles of water at them, I grabbed the water bottles. I decided against pitching it at them and handed the water to the boys. I turn to finish dinner. With my back turned to the boys, I stirred the Chili, ensuring it was not sticking, when I heard the front door open and shut. My heart sank; my dad’s home. He scares me more than anyone I have ever met; my nerves kicked in once again. Dad is the one that is the worst, especially if dinner isn't on the table. At this point, dinner isn't on the table, and I have yet to set it, "Well s**t, I am so f*****g dead." I thought with my heart racing. My father is a tall, muscular man; he does a lot of damage when he hits me. I wish I could fade into nothingness. Instead, I am stuck here. Dad walks into the kitchen and says, "Hi," to Beau, and Travis then turns to look at me. His face turns to pure hatred. "Rayna, why isn't dinner on the table, you lazy b***h? How often have I told you that my food better be on the table when I get home? Why do you never listen to me, you w***e?” Dad yells as he walks over punches me in the face and stomach. I bend over, holding my midsection, gasping for air. He then hits me again in the gut, making me fall to my knees on the floor. He then kicks me a few times in the ribs and says, "You, worthless w***e, get the f**k off the floor and set the f*****g table for dinner. Then go to your room. You are fat; you don't need any food," With dinner done and the table set, I run-up to my room as quickly as possible. It wasn’t swift. My ribs are hurting and it hurts to move too fast or take deep breaths. Once in my bedroom, I do as much homework as possible. My room has the bare minimum of furniture. There is a twin bed on one wall and a dresser on another. I give the household a couple of hours to eat; that way, I am out of their way and don't have to worry about getting hit again. Then I head down to clean the kitchen. As I was washing the dishes, my dad came in punched me in the ribs as he walked by me to get to the refrigerator. I go to wipe off the stove and get slapped in my face. "Why are you taking so long to clean this up, you slut? Clean this up faster, then clean the living room, and get your fat ass to bed, you stupid b***h," He growls. After I finished in the kitchen, I headed into the living room, walking around, organizing and cleaning whatever was needed before heading back upstairs to finish my homework. As I put my books in my backpack before going to bed, Beau came into my room. "Hey, w***e make sure you are up in time to have breakfast done for us, so we are not running late in the morning. You understand me, b***h?" He says before he slams my door shut, not waiting for my reply. "What a prick," I thought as I grabbed my night attire and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. I turn on the water; that way, it could heat up a little. I take a glance in the mirror. I have long, dirty blond hair and bright green eyes. I thought I was pretty, but my family always tells me I am ugly. So I must be. *** It is now about 11:30 p.m., and I hear my bedroom door open. Thinking my father wanted me to do something or another for him, I didn't bother to turn to see who opened my door. I felt someone climb into my bed and grab me by the waist and flip me over. I scream. Looking to see who it is. "What in the hell, Travis? Get out of my room, you ass," I say. He slaps me and forces my hands above my head. I cry for help. I fought and yelled, but no one came to help me. Eventually, he tells me if I don't stop fighting him, he will kill me. So, I stopped fighting. He pulls my pants and panties off me while still holding my hands above my head. He then pulls his shorts and boxers off himself and rams into me. Just like that, I was now what my family always called me, a w***e and a slut. Yet, I survived getting r***d where I should have been the safest in my bedroom, in my home. My life couldn't get much worse; than it is right now. I am lying in my bed, crying, not only because I have survived the r**e, but I got r***d in my home, in my bed, by my brother's best friend. I screamed and fought, but my family never came to my aid. What type of parents wouldn’t come running if their child is screaming for help? Parents that should have never been parents at all, that's who. What in the hell did I ever do to deserve this type of life? Am I that bad of a person? I really must be worthless. *** A month later, my period was late. I had been vomiting; my breasts were sore, and certain aromas made me gag. I knew I needed to take a pregnancy test, but I didn't want to. My cycles are usually like clockwork. I don't have a lot of money, but I have some. So I gathered money I found in the washer while doing the laundry and went to school. At lunch, I left, went to the pharmacy, and bought a few pregnancy tests. Leaving the pharmacy, I stopped at a McDonald's. I ordered a soda. I sat down, taking a deep breath. "Well, the only thing I can do is take the test," I mumble to myself as I stand up and head to the bathroom. I read the directions on the box. Then I pee on the stick and set the timer on my flip phone for three minutes. I wait. I paced back and forth, back and forth, in the tiny restroom as my heart raced. Was I expecting? What happens if I am? When the timer goes off, I look at the test and start crying. It’s positive. "Holy crap, I am having a baby. There is a life growing inside me. What are mom and dad going to say when they find out? s**t, they will most likely throw me out," I thought. Knowing I didn't want my child to grow up in my parent's house and have the life I have lived. I knew I had to come up with a plan to leave town. I need to make sure that my parents and brother never find out where I am. The first step is to see a doctor, to make sure that my child and I are as healthy as possible. I google doctors that see pregnant women. I found a Doctor, called and made an appointment. The following day, I sat in a room waiting for the doctor to come in. Finally, the doctor opens the door. "Hi, Rayna. I am Dr. Carson. What brings you here today?" A lady in her late sixties asks me. I told her that my period had not shown up yet, that I had taken a few pregnancy tests that came back positive. After the doctor gave me another pregnancy test, it confirmed my pregnancy. I ended up leaving the doctor's office with information about pregnancy and some prenatal vitamin samples. As I was heading to my car, a nurse stopped me. "Honey, I noticed you are a little jittery, and you are nervous. Are you safe at your house?" I thought about my answer. Should I tell this nurse the truth? I knew I had to if I wanted to keep my baby safe. I told her, "No, not at all; I need to get out of Idaho. I need to get away from my family and the father of this baby." I then told her about the abuse I had suffered at the hands of my family. I even told her about the r**e. The nurse told me to wait a few minutes that she would be right back. I have no clue why I had opened myself so much to this lady, a lady I didn't even know, but I am glad I did. She came back a few minutes later and gave me some cash. She told me to take care of myself and my baby. This stranger had done more for me in a few minutes than my family had ever done. I was thankful to her for that. I went home, went upstairs, and packed up my things. I put them in my car. I made dinner for the last time in this house, and I set the table. I then sat down and waited for my mother. When my mom walked into the house, I said, "Mom, I have something to tell you.” I say, looking her in the eyes. She nods her head, so I continue, “A month ago, when Travis stayed the night with Beau, Travis came into my room when I was trying to sleep. H….he r***d me. He got me pregnant." I was in tears. I hoped that she would act like a mother who loves her child and wouldn’t be mad at me, but him My hope was dashed. "You w***e, how could you let that happen? Get out of my house now! Don't you dare ever come back here, you slut?” She yells. "But mom, I was…," I started before Beau and Travis interrupted me, "You heard her get out, you piece of crap," Beau said. "You know what, f**k you, Beau. I will leave, but first, you, worthless motherfuckers, will listen to me,” I say as I square my shoulders. “I am sick of the f*****g way you all treat me. A month ago, I lay in my bed in my room, falling asleep when someone came in and r***d me. That r**e resulted in a child growing in me,” looking Beau in the eyes then glancing at Travis. “I knew that I would get thrown out of this hellhole. I planned for just that. My bags are in my car. Don’t come looking for me. If I see any of you again, I will turn you into the police. That includes you, Travis. I will press charges on you for r****g me. This child deserves better than you as a father, better than you all, hell I deserve better than the treatment I have received here. Now, screw you all," I turned, opened the front door, stepped out, and slammed it shut on my way to my car. As I got in my car, I saw Beau and Travis fighting on the front porch. I didn't care that they were quarreling. Although I did hear Beau say something like, "You son of a b***h, you r***d my baby sister. How could you? I thought you were my best friend," Why would he care? He treated me like trash, just like our parents. All I knew was I had to get out of here before my dad pulled in. So, I shut my car door just as my father pulled in the drive. "Where the hell do you think you are going? Get your ass in the house, you little b***h!" he screeches at me. I don’t know what came over me in the last few minutes, but I liked it. I seemed to have grown more confident in myself or maybe it is the fact that I was leaving this abuse behind. "Screw you, Cain. You sorry excuse of a man and father. I hate you. You are not and never have been a father to me. I have no family here in Idaho," I say as I pull out of the drive. A big smile spreads on my face. Peace comes over me. A peace that I have never, ever felt before. I am not sure where I will go or where I will end up. But, I know that I won't be a punching bag anymore, nor will I allow myself to be treated like that again. I will make a better life for my child and myself. My child will be cared for and loved. My child will know that I love them more than anything else in this world. I am free. I am finally free from the living hell I have been living.