All The Pretty Wolves book one / The Truth Within Me Series

Chapter 0ne Nikki Whenever we are children, we believe that our parents will love us and protect us, and that's how it should be. We don't understand when they don't care for us or when they don't defend us. When they're the ones hurting us, I know I always felt like I did something wrong. But to be honest, I never knew what I did or why I was never loved or even why my mom would always abandon me or why she repeatedly beat me. All my childhood, I asked myself why and what can I do to make it better. Well, you know what? I never got the f*****g answers I need, even though I am two for two on the mom s**t. I set up from another nightmare. I'm struggling so hard to breathe. My body is covered in sweat, and the trembling will not stop. In my mind, I know it is a panic attack, and I have to remember to breathe, but that's very hard to do when your body does not want to cooperate with what your mind is telling you to do. I lay on my side, holding my chest; it hurts so much it feels like my heart will jump right out. I think I am going to die, but if not, I wish for it just to make the pain stop. My eyes are blurry from the tears running down my face and the lack of oxygen to my brain; as hard as I try, I can't move past this one. I am trying to focus on breathing in and breathing out. But it just is not working for me tonight. I lay there all alone in my cold bed for what feels like hours before I can breathe again. I Look over at my clock sitting on the bedside table; it says 4 am. I know I can't go back to sleep, so I get up and take a shower. My clothes are sticking to me from all the sweating I did as I peel off my camisole; the dame thing gets Tangled in my hair. All the tossing and turning I did has my hair all knotted up and messily falling out of place. I finally get the shirt untangled and take it off and get in the hot shower. As I am standing under the water, my body relaxes a little. I attempt not to think about that god awful dream again, but that only lasts for about 5 minutes before my mind wonders again. I am chained to a wall in some f*****g cell when I feel a sharp, cold knife run across my skin. The blood in my veins freeze and my breathing stops as that knife runs along my body. I can't see who it is, but I know they're taking my flesh with each pass that sets me on fire; it feels like hot lava is being poured on me. The wet sound of my skin as it hits the floor makes me gag. I try to scream, but nothing comes out. I soon realize that they have sewn my mouth shut as I run my tong across the inside of my lips. Shaking my head to clear it from all the s**t running through it. I turn the water off and get out of the shower.  Once I am done, I go back to my room. I know I have to leave my room soon, but anna is already mad as hell and being a b***h, and It's like 5:30 in the f*****g morning. I can feel my heart picking up and my muscle tensing up just think about it. I look at Rose's and my dad's pictures, kissing each one before I put them up, so Anna doesn't discover them and take them away from me. Those pictures are all I have left of my dad and Rose. We never found out what happened to her. I still think she alive, but I don't dare talk about it to anyone. Hell, I never even talk at all, and I don't even know if I can anymore. The last time I talked was 2years ago. We were here for about three months when Anna got mad because dinner was not ready yet, and I yelled at her, I am almost done. Anna did not like that, and proud bleach down my throat how I am still alive. I have no f*****g idea, and yes, I call the b***h anna now; she is not my mother or even a mom to me anyway, so it doesn't matter. Anyway, back to anna being a b***h, I have to get up and clean the house and cook breakfast for a lot of people today because anna is having a remembrance for my dad and Rose. Still, I have to leave at seven before anyone gets here, so yay for me, happy birthday. As I am cooking, I hear someone knocking on the door. I run to answer it as a woman f*****g walks in the house like she owns the dame thing. She so pretty she has long white-blond hair and golden eyes and is covered in tattoos, from her neck down. She stops in front of me and grabs me in a hug. Why are you huge me, and who are you? I am your mother, and my name is Lisa. Uh, No, you are not; my mom is out back, so who are you? Nikki, I am your mother; there is so much I have to tell you, but I need you to trust me. Ok, say I believe you, which I don't, but why are you here and why did you leave me? I ask the entire time my eyes are about to pop out of my head, but all I can do is hug myself to keep from running out the door. Nikki, I know you have a lot of questions, but I was hoping you could go to town right now. No way I am not doing that. I have to finish my work first. Look, I need you to go for me, please, and you will not get in trouble for going. Are you sure? Hay, what a minute, how am I talking to you saying nothing out loud? It's called mind linking, and it's a lot to explain, but I will ok. Now here is my credit card; get everything on this list, and whatever you want, it doesn't matter. What if I want a Hurley like yours? I sarcastically ask her. Yes, oh, I all most forgot to give you your birthday present, she says as she pulls a small box out of her bag and hands it to me. It's a stunning shiny silver color with a big pink bow on top. Well, go on, open it, girl, I don't have all day. Oh, ok, sorry, I say with my head down. Don't apologize to me; sweet baby, do you hear me? You did nothing wrong.  I rip into the paper and the box in the next instant to find a pink touch screen cell phone and a new wallet. When I open it, I find my new driver's license and a credit card with some cash. Thank you for this so much, but I can't pay for the phone bill or the card. I don't have a job yet. I tell Lisa. I link the credit card to your trust found, so there is no bill attached, and as for the phone, that's what the credit card is for, she says. Thank you so much, Lisa, I begin to say, but she interrupts me by saying. No, ma'am, please do not call me Lisa. I am your mother, call me, mom, please. Ok, mom, but the id says I am 21 that ok? Yes, sweet girl, now off with you hurry. Oh, go turn the stove off. I smell something burning. Oh s**t, I say, running around the corner to the kitchen. Sure enough, I burned the food well, dame. For once, I say, oh well, my mom said I could leave, so I am going to trust her. On my way out, my mom says, hey Nikki, go upstairs and get anything you can't live without, ok. Because you are not coming back to this house, do you understand me? Hay mom, what about Rose Anna would not help me look for her? Can you because I am anxious to find her, and no one will tell me anything about her. I know you're worried, Nikki, but I know where Rose is, and she is safe, but I can not tell you anything about her right now. Why not? If you know, then why can't you tell me. Nikki, we don't have time for this now. I promise we will talk after you get the hell out of this house. I want to be defiant to her, but I know I have to get out while I can. I feel like everyone in my life is keeping s**t from me all the f*****g time. Ok, I say as I run up the stairs to my room and get my pictures and bear dad bought me the day he died. Also, the bracelet Rose got me. I hate that I have to leave everything I have behind, but it will be better in the long run. As I look around my room, I can't help but see all the members my life has been like in the last 16 years as I see the pieces of black cloth on my dresser I got from Rose's closet after her, and my dad despaired so I could have something that has her scent on it so when I got free I could look for her myself. I want to take everything, but I get a few more things and put them in my backpack. I look back one more time before I walk out the door and never look back at this life again.