This is what you’re doing to me

Her choked out cries, mixed with the petrifying sound of her gargled screams. “Justtt leave me a-alonee”. The muffled words boom, through the speakers of the car. Mum’s foot clamps down, hard onto the accelerator, forcing the car to jolt forward with speed. “Nike, where are you? What road are you on?” mum speaks, slow and clear. Her heroic mode, set into gear.  It’s a race against time, to save the innocent from the evil. “I-I don’t know” her words are still muffled, by the uncontrollable cries for help. “Just breathe. Where is he?” mum’s trying her best, to hold it all together. Silence creeps in, Nike doesn’t answer. Are we too late? “Nike? Are you still there?” there’s only the slightest hint of panic, present in her voice. But there’s no time to panic, no not this time. “Yes, he’s at my window, yelling at me” she whimpers, sobbing. A sigh of relief escapes from mum’s lips. No, we aren’t too late. “Do you know where you are yet?” mum breathes, calmly. There is a slight pause before his violently, aggressive voice, echoes through the phone, into the speakers of the car. “LISTEN YOU CUNT, WE ARE NEAR MARIO’S HOUSE!” violent and angry. “You’re going to get it Jake. How dare you do this to a woman? Is this what you want? To put fear in your girlfriend? You’re scaring everybody” she growls back, at the phones speaker.  It is now clear, she is well and truly, furious. But how could she not be? Seeing what type of monster her own son has become. The car shoots forward, as we hit Mario’s street. 1 mile down the road, Jake comes into view. His tall, slim, muscly figure, towering over the window of the cars drivers’ seat. In that second, mum’s foot rams down harder, onto the accelerator pedal, as if she’s aiming to hit him. I clutch onto the handle of the passenger door, and brace myself for what’s about to happen.  My eyes are clamped tightly shut, my hand, gripping the handle with as much force as I can manage. I’m swallowed by fear. The fear of everything. I cannot bear the thought of losing him, him who I love so dearly. Yet, that would be impossible. How can you lose something that wasn’t even yours to begin with? He is not the same young, innocent boy I once knew. no he is not, because that innocent little boy  died many years ago. It’s this monster who resembles the little boy I once knew. At the very last second, the car rebounds to a stop. Mum has slammed onto the brake at the very last minute. Not a second is wasted, as she instantly, flies out of her seat. I stay silent, frozen in place.  His aggressive yelling, has picked up again. Glancing out of the passenger window, mum has pushed herself between the two. “Jake stop this. You’re 20 years old. Grow up!” she demands, with her hands outstretched, as if she is trying to shield Nike from his violent outburst. “She started this dog” he spits with rage, beginning to pace back and forth furiously. Stopping directly in front of Nike’s car, he bends down, to pick something up. He arises, holding a purple mother energy drink can. Mum can see his actions before he even commits to them. “Jake, stop it. You need to control your anger”. She’s now trailing behind him slowly. In a sudden instant, up comes his arm, holding the can, as he savagely hurls it at the windscreen of Nike’s car. A massive splatter of dark, purple liquid, drips down the glass, the can falls to the rocky ground.  “I CAN’T” he snaps, turning towards mum, his face now just inches from hers. A loud, frightened sound escapes from Nike’s lips, as she begins to sob uncontrollably again. “SHUT THE f**k UP!” Jake screams at the top of his lungs, leaning past mum towards Nike. Mum is still position in-between the two. “I’ve literally got to go to my Nan because she is f*****g dying of cancer and this is what you’re doing to me!” she bawls, her eyes gushing with tears. Nobody deserves this. “Nike, I think it’s best you go” mum coaches, nodding towards her. The engine of her car roars to life. “Jake, get in the car” mum instructs, pointing towards our car. As Jake’s hand touches  the door handle, he turns to face Nike one more time. “Are we done or what?” he badgers. “I don’t know because you won’t listen to me” she breathes, tired. “Just get in the car” mum urges. As, the back door slams shut, Nike’s car speeds off into the distance. That wasn’t the first time something like that has happened. Something so petrifying, so cruel. No, not the first time. Ever since the age of 6, I watched my brother grow, grow into this violent monster he has become. By the age of 12, I witnessed things I didn’t understand. Things that made no sense to someone so young and so innocent. At a young age, abuse can often be mistaken by love. As a child, growing up, I had no idea what love truly was or how it truly felt, but I was almost certain it wasn’t supposed to feel the way it did to me. It felt confusing, I’d constantly question my own self-worth, that’s not what love is. Love is supposed to be something beautiful, something special, not something that makes you feel useless or unwanted. Bit by bit things slowly escalated.  'How did I get here? At some point I fell, but when?’. Let me take you back, back to where it all started. There is a path that had led me to where I am now. A dark miserable path.