Becoming

Night Out

After a couple hours of sleep, I get showered and ready to go out dancing. My light brown hair falls down past my shoulders and my blue eyes have small bags under them but the mascara helps a bit. adding the finishing touch of a deep purple lip stain I double check my appearance. I look good, like a catch that no one seems to want. My bright pink "Proud sister of a U.S. Marine" cut off tank top is fitted snugly against my body showing the pudge of my stomach and the thickness of my arms. I'm a chef so I eat the food I make, but not a lot of it, I've just always had bigger upper arms and a roundness to my belly that never goes away no matter how much I diet or workout or how many sports I do. I've always been extremely athletic, but those soft features that I hate about myself never go away. Sighing I look from my C cup, wishing they were bigger, down to my thick thighs and long legs for only being 5'2 they're decently long. I have on cut off shorts and cowboy boots with a little flag strap that makes its way around the ankle of the boot. Saying by to Jasmine, my all white beautiful guinea, I make my way out to my 2008 dark blue Toyota Corolla.

It's been hours since we've been here and I'm feeling amazing. The amount of guys that want to dance with me always seems to amaze me. I am a really good dancer, so when people see me dance with the guys I normally dance with they want a turn too. I am making my way off the dance floor when Honkytonk comes on. My best friend Ariel starts dancing up and down and drags me to the dancefloor for the line dance that makes all the guys want to talk to us. Ariel is a beautiful little blonde with blue eyes, shes shorter than me which is saying something, she's stick skinny with tiny t**s and a big butt, but she always walks around like she is the most important person in the room. To me, she is, with her love and friendship I've been able to make friends in this college town that I don't fit into because I'm not mormon. I attend Utah Valley State College and attend the Culinary Arts program, I'm also on the competition team and I love every bit of it. My best friend is always supporting my new ventures and lends an ear when I need to talk about how disappointed in me my parents are, but tonight I have to tell her I'm pregnant because I need her to hug me and tell me everything is okay. Just then Shelley comes over to dance with us, and I know I'm straight, but the things Shelley does to my insides makes me question that. With her long black hair and brown eyes, long legs and her ass makes me want to rub myself against her while wrapping my arm around her waist to feel her warmth between her legs while she moans my name. I know college can make people do weird things, and I know my curiosity is only because I've been so sheltered my whole life.

"Hey babe!" Shelley says to me as she hugs me, and I want to kiss her plump soft pink lips when she holds me like this, but she's married and I'm not gay.

"Hey girl! Wanna dance with us and show all these boys how we do?" I ask while pulling away, shaking my head trying to get the thoughts of her naked body out of my head.

"Hell ya!" She shouts and the three of us dance the rest of the night away laughing and dancing and catching up.

Heading home after midnight I decide to tell my best friend what's going on in my life, driving down I-15 from Salt lake city back to Orem is about a 45 minute drive and I know I'm gonna need most of it to talk to her about everything.

"Wanna stop at In N' Out on the way home, a strawberry milkshake sounds so good!" Ariel says and I laugh because I'm already getting over to the exit so we can stop at the little burger joint we always stop at on our way home after dancing in Salt Lake on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

"Duh b***h, I'm already heading there!" Trying to make my voice sound like I'm excited for the rest of our night, even though I'm starting to panic again.

"Well... sometimes we stop at Del Taco, so I wanted to see what you were up for." She paused looking at me, observing everything about me. "What's wrong, you've been quiet and I can tell you're thinking and I wanna know what it is. You never are quiet, you talk more than me and I talk way too much!" She laughs a little trying to ease my discomfort.

"I'm pregnant"

"What? How? When did you find out? Are you okay? Who do I need to beat up?" Again, with the rapid fire questions. I laugh and take a minute to decide which question to answer first.

"Ya, I found out last night and you don't have to beat anyone up, I ju-" She quickly cut me off.

"The f**k I don't have to beat someone up, you aren't dating anyone except that dumbass Charlie and he won't commit to you and I know you haven't had s*x with him. Honestly, he'd probably make you his girlfriend if you'd put out for him already!" It stings and she knows, because she immediately apologizes. "I'm sorry Lee, I didn't mean it like that. You know how stupid boys are and that's all I was trying to say."

"I know, I just don't know what to do. My whole life my mom told me to stay a virgin till I got married because boys don't want a w***e for a wife, but then when I first got cheated on she said it's cause I wouldn't put out and guys only want one thing. So how do I keep a man if they don't want a w***e but also in the same f*****g breath want a woman who will put out on the first date?" I ask sounding exasperated because we have had this conversation about 100 times, and Ariel never cuts me off even though she knows what my mother has said.

"Boys are stupid, you don't want a boy anyway!" I start panicking thinking about how I could be so stupid and let her see my desire for Shelley, it's just a crush because it's a phase, nothing more than that. Besides I'm pregnant now so no boy or girl will want me, but I like boys, not girls. I don't like girls because it's a sin and I know I'm a sinner, but not in that way. I say these things in my head trying to convince myself that it's true. Ariel continues, unaware of my panic, "You want a man, one who will take care of you and this baby you are now carrying and one who will protect you from your parents and the rest of the world that is constantly beating you down. You are a ray of f*****g sunshine and you never stop shining, so you need a MAN who will keep the clouds away." she states like it's ever going to happen for me. "You know I'm here and will help you raise this baby, who is the dad anyway?"

"Jerome."

"WHAT THE f**k!" She is looking pissed now, I told her about what happened with him and she wanted to kick his ass. I can, I just don't care enough. I have been so depressed that I just don't care what happens to me. I won't kill myself, my dad did when I was 10 and I can't leave my mom and siblings cause I know the hurt I'd cause.

"I know, but it's fine. He's meeting me at the Pig Pit tomorrow and Harold will be there." I reply, she hasn't met Harold, but she knows he looks out for me.

"He better not let that f*****g asshole touch you!" We both laugh and pull into the drive through with 10 minutes before they close. I hate doing this because it makes me feel bad, but seeing how many cars are here and still there are a few cars pulling in behind me, I don't feel as bad. After getting our food, we finish the drive to Ariel's house.

"Bye Bestie! I'll see you tomorrow for Latin dancing right?" She asks looking like I might say no because now I'm pregnant. Honestly, besides baking, dancing is the only other place I truly feel at peace.

"Obviously! I'll pick you up around 9:30?"

"Okay, text me when you get home safe!" She shouts as she makes her way to the door of her parents apartment, where she still lives.

"OF COURSE! LOVE YOU!"

"LOVE YOU TOO b***h!"

After getting home I send Ariel a text letting her know I made it safe and sound, strip my clothes and climb into bed for a restless sleep scared of what tomorrow will bring.