Becoming

It's almost midnight as I stare at the little plus sign on the white and blue stick. What the hell have I done? Who is the father? When was the last time I got my period? Questions start swirling through my mind as I begin to panic. Mom and dad are gonna be so disappointed! I immediately pick up the phone to call George, it rings and rings and rings until finally I hear the automated message pick up. "Please leave your message after the tone." Beeeeeeeep. "Hey Georgie, it's me. Your sister and I really need to talk to you, it's super important and I'm really freaking out. I don't know what to do, I know you're somewhere over seas doing what you do best, but I really need my brother right now." I take a deep breath preparing myself, deciding if leaving this information over voicemail is really something I should do. George is a Marine and currently deployed fighting to keep our country and others safe, do I really want to worry him with this information? "I'm pregant... I love you bro, please call me when you get this and stay safe." Quickly ending the call, I curl into a ball with my my guinea pig and cry myself to sleep. The next morning I know I need to make arrangements to go home for the weekend so I can tell my parents, but first I need to figure out who the dad is. The guy I've been seeing, who refuses to make me his girlfriend no matter how many hints I drop, hasn't had s*x with me so it definitely isn't him. I look at the three pregnancy tests I've taken and put them in a Ziploc bag after getting ready for work and head out the door. The drive to work goes by in such a blur I don't know how fast I was going, or what route I even took to get here. Looking up at the small locally owned restaurant, I take a deep breath and head inside. This is where I feel at my best, my safest place in the world is in a kitchen. I know what you're thinking about the stereotypical woman thinking she belongs in a kitchen, but for me ever since I was about five I've known I wanted to be a baker and open my own bakery someday. For now, I'm in college trying to make ends meet and honing my skills so that I can become the baker I always dreamed I would be. Setting to work getting everything ready for the restaurant to open goes by fairly quickly, I'm drinking my coffee and jamming out to the old school country music on my Ipod as I mix the cornbread batter getting ready to go in the oven when my boss, the general manager, walks in. "Good morning Aleesha, how is everything looking? Did the meat delivery and truck already get here?" Harold asks. "Ya, I got it all done and put up." I say distractedly as a wave of nausea and dizziness hits me again. "You alright? Still looks like you aren't feeling good, did you ever go to the doctor?" "No, you know I can't waste time and money doing stupid s**t like going to the doctor." I reply half laughing, but in my head I know I need to since I have several pregnancy tests confirming my worst fear as a single 20 year old. "I just gotta run pee really quick." Quickly turning and running to my purse, I slip another pregnancy test in my pocket. Peeing on the 4th stick it comes back the same as all the others. Coming out of the bathroom Harold looks at me with a cautious gaze. I give him a smile and get back to work. "You aren't getting rid of me, so might as well make yourself useful and start taking the chairs off the tables." Harold barks out a laugh and makes some offhand comment about me being lucky I'm sexy. I've worked with Harold at two other restaurants before this one. He's a great boss and a great chef, I love learning from him and even though he makes weird s****l comments all the time, I know its his way of messing with me. I know him and his wife really well, I go over to their house every Sunday to hang out with his wife while we crochet and watch M.A.S.H., we mainly end up talking and snacking on everything we can while Harold takes their two kids out to have some fun so we can have uninterrupted girl time. He is like a father/big brother to me and I know he would never do anything to actually make me uncomfortable. A few hours after opening, I excuse myself for third time since my morning crew arrived. I take the seventh pregnancy test revealing the same result. Finding a level of confidence I don't actually feel I make my way out to the kitchen and tell Harold I need to talk to him in the walk in. He follows me into the walk in and the burst of cold has me wrapping my jacket tighter around me, trying to shield me from the cold and the dissapointed look I know that's coming. "What's up kiddo? You're starting to freak me out." Harold says, looking me up and down like I'm about to tell him I just found out I have cancer and have a week to live. I pull the bag of the seven, yes seven, pregnancy tests I've taken since last night. Why I took so many in less than 24 hours, I have no idea, but I did and they all have the same result. Not a single one of those little sticks wanted to give me the slightest hope that the others could be wrong. Slowly Harold reaches out and takes the bag from me, then suddenly realizing what these are he hands them back to me with a shocked expression on his face. "Ew, you peed on these!" He half shouts making me laugh a little. Seeing me laugh a little, he grins and then immediately sighs. I don't want to look at him and see my friend, mentor, basically family look at me like I've let him down. "Do you know who the dad is? How are you feeling? Is this why you've been so sick? Do you want to keep it, you know there's options. I know you don't want to abort it, but you can always put it up for adoption." He starts rapid firing questions, much the same as I did last night in my head. "NO!" I shout a little louder than I expected to. Finally I look up and see the sadness for me, but not a single hint of dissapointment in his features. I sigh, "I don't know who the dad is, but based off my calculations, I've only had s*x with one guy in any time frame that makes sense based off my last period and when my symptoms started. I think I'm about five weeks along and it's the guy that took me on a date and then I woke up in his apartment naked with him on top of me. As for adoption, I can't do that. My dad put up his first kid for adoption 'cause he was only 17 and I know how much he hates himself for doing that." "Okay, well we can figure it out, do you want to tell the potential dad?" "Not really, everything about him makes me feel uneasy, like he reminds me of my biological dad and I don't want that kind of man in mine or my kids life." I sigh again, knowing I'm too nice for this world. "But... I know I'd hate myself if I don't give my kid the opportunity to meet their dad, because I was stupid and got r***d by some stupid guy on a first date." Harold looks at me and knows I've made up my mind, even though he hates the idea of what I went through. I've been through it before and he knows that, he wants so badly to protect me from this world, but I always end up in some stupid shitty situation, and he is always there to make fun of it and lighten my mood while picking up the pieces and helping keep me glued together. "Okay, you can ask him to meet you here and I'll be here so the little fucker won't think to try anything stupid. Your dad really needs to get you that gun he's been talking about." And with that we walk out of the walk in and get back to work. Sending a quick text to Jerome, I finish my duties and head home for the day. It's Thursday so I have a couple hours before I go out line dancing with my friends.