Dirty Girl

Jordan dropped her backpack by the door of her resort room and let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. The space was simple, understated, yet inviting—the perfect reflection of her. A soft white duvet covered the queen-sized bed, and at the foot of it lay a hand towel folded into the shape of an elephant. Resting delicately on the elephant’s belly was a heart-shaped box of chocolates. She couldn’t help but wonder—was the chocolate a standard welcome gift for all guests, or a nod to the fast-approaching Valentine’s Day? The intoxicating scent of salt drifted in from the ocean, pulling her attention back to the moment. She stepped onto the balcony, taking in the magnificent view of the palm-lined beach. Leaning slightly over the railing, she drew in a deep breath and tried to remember the last time she had done something just for herself. She chuckled as a vivid memory surfaced—being 21, moving out of her parents’ house to live in residence at Sault College. That year, she had felt truly free. Days were spent working on art projects with impossibly tight deadlines, and evenings were filled with laughter as she volunteered as a Girl Guide leader. The girls called her Firefly, their giggles echoing through the church basement as they ran toward her. Still smiling, she turned back to the room, reminiscing about a life that felt like forever ago. As she unpacked, she thought about how much she had loved volunteering and wondered if she would ever get to experience that joy again. Since becoming a single mom at 24, her son Caleb had been her only priority. Time for drawing, volunteering, or even quiet moments to herself had become nonexistent. She loved being a mother with all her heart, but raising a child with ADHD alone wasn’t easy. Still, she had promised herself the day Caleb was born that he would never feel like he was missing anything. She would love him enough for ten parents, not just one. Every vacation, every holiday, every decision—she had built her life around him. And she wouldn’t change a thing. Well, almost nothing. Deep down, she had always wished she’d fallen in love with a man who adored both her and her son. A man who was playful yet strong, funny yet brave. A man with integrity. But even if such a man existed, he didn’t stand a chance. Jordan had made a promise: no man would enter her life while she was raising Caleb. After college, she had started her career as a graphic artist and bought a cozy two-bedroom bungalow. She loved her life, but she wanted more. And so, as unfashionable as it might have been, she prayed for a man. A man she could shower with love and devotion. A man who made her feel complete and worthy. That very day, she met Caleb’s father. He was charming, handsome, undeniably brilliant. The moment she laid eyes on him, her heart jumped. The attraction was instant, undeniable. Their romance was a whirlwind, and soon they were married. Not long after, she was pregnant. And that was when everything changed. The charming man she had fallen for turned angry and violent. He started using drugs, sinking deeper into addiction. After one particularly horrific night, he packed his things and disappeared—no goodbye, no forwarding address, no money. Any cash he had would have gone straight to his habit, anyway. Her heart was shattered, but in some ways, she was relieved. A year passed with no contact. When the courts finally granted her a divorce, she left the hearing and walked straight to Blissful Bowls, her favorite café, at the suggestion of her best friend, Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn knew she was overwhelmed. How could she not be? The man who had once promised her forever hadn’t even bothered to show up for the hearing. Jordan painfully recalled a moment, months before, when she had been driving Caleb to Kindermusik and spotted her estranged husband staggering down the street. His clothes were tattered, his face unshaven. He was barely recognizable. No—this was not the man she had fallen in love with. This was a shell of a human being, consumed by addiction. She had followed at a distance, watching as he turned up a broken, weed-choked walkway. The yard was littered with garbage. He didn’t even need to turn the doorknob—the door hung crooked on its hinges. He simply pushed it open and disappeared inside. Jordan had stared for a long time before rummaging in her purse for a pen and a crumpled envelope. Flattening it against the steering wheel, she scribbled down the address: 338 Crown Boulevard. Just a few blocks from her and Caleb. That afternoon, as Caleb napped, she had picked up the phone and called the sheriff. Within days, the divorce papers were served. At the café, Kaitlyn hugged Jordan tightly before motioning for her to sit. A waitress placed two steaming mugs of emerald-green ceramic in front of them. Jordan took a sip—Cinnamon Pu’erh, her favorite. She sighed, staring into the dark liquid. “How did it all go so wrong?” She caught sight of her wedding ring and absently twirled it. “I asked for a great man, and that very day I met a man who couldn’t even be bothered to show up for his own divorce.” She shook her head, tears welling up. “I thought God had answered my prayers. How could I have been so wrong?” Kaitlyn reached across the table, taking Jordan’s hands in hers. “Don’t you see?” she said gently. “God did give you a great man that day. He gave you Caleb.” Jordan held her breath, letting the words sink in. Kaitlyn was right. Caleb was her gift. He was the one she was meant to be devoted to, the one she was meant to shower with love. She glanced down at her ring, a simple gold band twisted into a delicate heart, capped with a tiny yet beautiful diamond. “What do I do with this now?” she asked. Kaitlyn smiled. “You love that ring, and you get to decide what it symbolizes.” Jordan looked up, a slow smile spreading across her face. “You’re right.” Kaitlyn giggled. “I always am.” Jordan rolled her eyes, laughing. “I’m going to keep wearing this ring. But now, every time I look at it, I’ll remind myself that my heart belongs to my little boy. He’s all I need.” “Him and Cinnamon Pu’erh tea,” Kaitlyn teased. They both laughed. Jordan sat back, feeling lighter, as if a weight had been lifted. For the first time in a long time, she felt truly complete.