A family of her own

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Maddie’s pov

I loved spending time with Jaylah. She was a special little girl. I have been helping Marcus out by watching her after school. He was working so hard. Seeing him with Jaylah melted my heart. He was such a good father. It makes me wish I had a man like him.

I have to keep reminding myself that this isn’t my family. I will never have a family. I know I could always adopt but, on my salary, I could never afford that. So, my dreams of motherhood is gone. I don’t even know how to tell my dad or anyone else.

People keep asking me when I was going to have children. I kept calm even though I felt like I was dying inside. I would just tell them it wasn’t the right time for me right now. Even though all I want is to be a mother. It’s getting harder to be around the kids at preschool.

So much so that I had to put my two weeks’ notice in. I told my boss I was dealing with health issues, and she was okay with me leaving. She told me I could have my job back any time. Right now, I just needed to figure out what to do next. Find a new career one that didn’t involve me always being around children reminding me of my biggest failure.

Was I going to adopt? No, because I don’t even have a job anymore and my savings wasn’t enough. I guess maybe I should find a guy first. Every time I thought about a father figure I thought of Marcus. He is everything I want in a man. Yet he isn’t available.

He is a widower, and I doubt he will ever get over the death of his wife. I can tell he still loves her very much. I would never want to replace her. I would just love to be a part of both his and Jaylah’s life. I knew I was in trouble. I have only known Marcus a short time, but I was already falling for him.

I already loved Jaylah as if she was my own. I mean it’s hard not to. She was an amazing little girl. Maybe I should stop spending so much time with her. I don’t want to get too attached.

I couldn’t deal with it if she was suddenly taken from my life. I wish I could break down that break wall Marcus has around his heart. Then I would have everything I could ever want. I just don’t think that will ever happen. He avoids me as if I have the plague. Even Jaylah noticed and asked if her daddy was mad at me for some reason.

I need to talk to him and tell him I am no longer Jaylah’s teacher and I wasn’t so sure it was the best idea for me to continue watching her. I didn’t want her to be out of my life, but I was getting way to attached and it wasn’t healthy. I was thinking of her as a daughter and not a student that I was caring for. I just can’t handle another heartbreak, so I needed to let her go now. I just needed to get Marcus to talk to me, so I could tell him. Maybe I should just call him and let him know. That way I could avoid seeing the hurt in Jaylah’s eyes. I just need to figure out my life right now. I needed to do what is best for me for a change.