Belonging Season

Chapter 1

PRIMSON’s POV

I grew up believing that love is all about rainbow and unicorns, that love is supposed to be both happy and exciting but after that unfaithful day, I know love is just a stupid idea.

An excuse.

Unkind.

A joke.

And men are stupid, asshvle and full of shvt.

They are just a waste of time.

“Primson, ano bang nangyayari sa’yong bata ka?”

I stared at my ceiling trying to fix my blurry gaze before turning my attention at the door where my Mom stood. Her eyes throwing daggers at me, arms crossed and eyebrow arched. Isinubsob ko ang mukha sa unan saka tinakpan ang aking tainga.

This is not going to be good, for sure.

“Where in the hell have you been this time?” She questioned me as if I am a criminal that did something wrong. Rinig ko ang tunog ng suot nyang heels sa bawat paghalik nito sa sahig.

Marahas nyang inagaw ang unan sa akin at ibinato iyon sa gilid na mabilis ko ring kinuha.

“You’ve been out since last week, no calls or even text! Plano mo ba kaming patayin ng daddy mo sa pag-aalala ha?!"

I mustered up my strength to sit up, “I am home now, Mom, so please? Can you leave and please lock the doors?” I said, eyes closed while motioning her to leave saka hinila ang kumot mo hanggang sa tuluyan nitong matakpan ang akin mukha.

I've been out of town since last week without them knowing at pakiramdam ko ay iyon ang pinakamahabang bakasyon na naranasan ko after so many years.

The least I wanted now is her voice echoing inside my room while I am trying to rest but instead of doing what I asked, she pull down my covers saka ako mahinang hinampas sa aking likuran dahilan para mabilis akong mapangiwi.

Gusto ko sanang magreklamo pero ang nagsusuntukang mga kilay nya ay awtomatikong nagpatigil sa akin.

"What is your plan about Peter ha?" Striktang tanong nya and for a moment, pakiramdam ko ay tinakasan ako ng hininga habang inaalala ang mukha ni Peter.

Nang makabawi ay agad akong tumikhim saka nakikiusap ang mga matang tumingala sa kanya. "Mom, please. Let's talk about it some other time. For now, let me rest ha?" Pakiusap ko saka muling ibinagsak ang sarili sa kama.

"No!" Bigla ay sigaw nya. Marahas nitong inagaw ang kumot na itinabing ko sa aking katawan saka iyon hinayaan sa sahig. “Isang taon ka naming hinayaan sa gusto mo, Primson, and maybe that was my mistake dahil akala ko, you’ll eventually get tired but look at you now! You look ragged! This has to stop now, Primson! This has to stop!”

"Dad!" I called him to rescue me. Pakiramdam ko ay matatanggal na ang tainga ko sa patuloy na panenermon ni Mommy.

She's trying to make me remember that moment I felt so stupid. That moment I've been meaning to forget.

"You've been like this since that day and it wasn't your fault, Primson! Stop doing this to yourself, please, dahil—"

"Dad, can you get mom out of my room? She's shouting again!" Sinadya kong putulin ang sasabihin nya at saka muling itinabing sa aking katawan ang kumot. Ramdam ko ang pamumuo ng laway sa aking lalamunan at mamasa ng aking mga mata habang isa-isang bumabalik sa ala-ala ko ang mga bagay na akala ko ay matagal ko nang nakalimutan and it is my mom's fault for making me feel this way again.

I am fine. For a year I told myself I am fine pero ngayon ay kinukwestiyon ko nanaman tuloy kung talagang naging okay nga ba ako sa loob ng isang taon na dumaan.

Higpit ang pagkakagawak ko sa kumot nang maramdaman ko ang paggalaw nito. "Tumayo ka riyan!" She shouted at the top of her lungs.

I don't know where my Mom gets her energy today. Usually naman ay hindi sya ganito and will just let me go kapag hindi ko sya sinagot or alam nyang nahiga na ako.

"Primson Micaela Madrid!" May pagbabantang tawag nya.

I heaved a deep sign, "just fifteen minutes left, Mom. Give me fifteen minutes. Please," halos mangiyak-ngiyak na pakiusap ko. Gusto ko talagang matulog. I miss my bed. Isa pa, pakiramdam ko ay may isang libong tao ngayon sa ulo ko at pinagpipyestahan ang bungo ko. My head is fvcking throbbing!

"I am cutting your credits cards right—"

Napabalikwas ako ng bangon matapos ang sinabi nya and Mom when I look at her, she's tapping her feet on the floor while slowly curving her lips upwards as if she won a casino.

"You need to work, Primson," she said and sat on my bed, "I already called a friend at sinabi kong papasok ka roon bilang secretary nya."

Fvck. Secretary? She's kidding me, right?

"But I am only trying to cope up with—"

"It's not coping up, Primson. Not anymore," mahinahong putol nya sa aking sasabihin. She held my hand and caress it in a gentle way. Akala ko awa na ang nakikita ko sa mga mata nya but I was wrong dahil bigla na lang nya akong hinila papatayo saka desididong tinignan, "Now tumayo ka na riyan at mag-ayos. We'll be heading out."

"Mom," I called her in a pleading way. My eyes tear up as I look at my bed. Hindi ko talaga kaya. Hindi ko alam kung ilang bote ng alak ang nainom ko para makaramdam ng ganitong pananakit ng ulo.

"No. Isang taon na kitang pinagbigyan. Now it is your time para ako naman ang sundin," and she left me. They left me in my room without a choice kundi sundin ang gusto nila.

As hard as it looks, binuhat ko ang nabibigatan kong katawan papatayo ng kama ang headed to my bathroom to take a quick shower.

Nang matapos ay nakasimangot akong bumaba ng second floor.

"Are you ready?"

Of course not. She forced me. Kung hindi lang nakasalalay ang credit cards ko rito ay hindi naman talaga ako papayag sa gusto nya but that card is my life! Without it, hindi ko alam kung paano pang mabubuhay.

Walang gana na tumango ako at sumunod kay Mommy patungo sa kotse. Tahimik ako sa buong byahe hanggang marating namin ang kompanyang kanyang sinasabi.

C&L INC.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ko narinig ang pangalan ng kompanya na iyon pero ngayon pa lang ay isinusumpa ko na ang may-ari non.

"Come, hija. Levi is waiting for us," ani Mommy nang maipara ang kotse.

Suot ang stilleto at fitted red spaghetti strap dress ko, taas noo na sumunod ako kay Mommy papasok ng kompanya. My plan is to ruin everything. I will make it hard for that Levi na tanggapin ako sa trabaho. That way, I won't get on Mom's bad side.

Pumasok kami sa isang room and I don't know if the man who owned this office is stupid or what dahil sa dami ng kung anu-anong bagay ang nasa opisina nya.

Office is supposed to be neat and asthetic. Not a garbage can like this. There's paper everywhere. Magazines and pieces of those magazines are shattered on the ground. Hindi ko alam kung sinadya nga bang kunin ang iisang litrato lamang ng babae roon o ano.

On a wall hangs an old clock na hindi na gumagana and under that wall is a flower vase na puros sumukong bulaklak na ang laman, brown and dead.

"Mr. Levi will be here in a minute," said the lady who guided us to his office.

Bored na bored na tinapunan ko ng tingin ang bawat sulok ng opisina at hindi ko naiwasang mapangiwi nang makita ang nag-iisang litrato ng babae sa gilid ng kanyang lamesa na nakasilip sa amin.

"Where are you going?" Tanong ni Mommy nang tumayo ako. Instead of answering, I put my index finger on my lips and motion her to not make a sound.

Curiosity kills a cat ika nga nila kaya naman kahit ilang ulit na akong pinagsasabihan ni Mommy na wag galawin iyon ay hinawakan ko pa rin ang gilid ng painting at iniharap iyon sa akin.

It was a painting of a girl. Her smile is the epitome of perfection. Kung sino man ang nagpainting non ay paniguradong dalubhasa na sa kanyang propesyon.

"Mrs. Madrid."

Awtomatiko akong napatayo ng tuwid nang marinig ang baratinong tinig. That voice is familiar to my ears. Hindi ko lang maalala kung saan ko narinig. But as his face becomes clearer on my eyes, a memory of the man I met one year ago, the man I asked for something I decided on an impulse, the whose eyes is still full of pain came rushing to my mind.

Dressed in a black polo and pants na medyo bitin pa, I recognized him as the man who gave me comfort at my most difficult time.

Levi. Levi Lopez is his name.