Animal attraction

It had been 3 hours of non-stop driving and I was pretty proud of myself, not one single toilet break. I usually max my bladder out in 2 hours 40 minutes. This must be a record. I open my window and take a deep breath as the afternoon breeze fills my lungs trying to keep my mind off the fact that today is my Birthday and instead of doing normal birthday like activities that a normal 24 year old would be no doubt looking forward to, I on the other hand had once again packed my sad, pathetic little life in to my beat up old VW Beetle ( which was my pride and joy btw) and had been on the road for 2 days with not one iota of birthday-ing in sight. Trying to ignore the lump that was forming in my throat I try to turn my attention to what the hell my actual plan was. My back hurt from sleeping in my car for the past few days consequently causing me to have crappy sleepless nights.I let out a huge sigh. ‘Stop moping Rory, this is not the worst birthday you’ve ever had’ Yeah talking to myself has become a habit, I guess crippling loneliness will do that to a girl. It’s true though, being bounced around from foster care to foster care since I can remember my life hasn’t been filled with the happiest of Birthdays and I may not have my s**t figured out at my new big girl age but one thing I knew- I was still free and independent and I would continue to celebrate these small little wins until eventually they became slightly bigger more brag-gable wins. Ever the optimist, you’d think the sad trajectory of my life would have knocked the enthusiasm out of me, but here I was still clinging on. I read somewhere that ‘Hope dies last’ and I was still breathing so I guess I’ll keeping hoping. My stomach growled alarmingly loudly as I detached myself from my rambling thoughts. ‘Ffs if it’s not my bladder it’s my stomach’ I scolded myself. Why won’t my organs let me be great. I just wanted to get as far away from California as possible. I mean I was somewhere in Colorado so I don’t know why I was still so on edge. I looked in the rear view mirror, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. ‘It’s fine Rory you’re fine, you’re far away and you never have to see that lying, cheating asshole ever again’ I soothed myself. God this voice in my head was honestly starting to become a bit weird. Ever since I turned 18 I’ve been having full blown conversations in my head with myself. The few ‘friends’ I have had over the years all assured me an inner dialogue was perfectly normal. My community college professor even told me it was a sign of intellect, so I try not to be too freaked out about it but I’m worried how much I have come to rely on this inner voice over the years. ‘It wasn’t your fault he had it coming to him, stop feeling guilty. You should have taken more’ I chime in. I sigh trying to block out the scene 3 days ago that was the catalyst for this whole road trip, fresh start- journey of self discovery that I will as currently on. More like journey of self preservation. The theme of my life it seems. ‘After everything you did for him, cleaning up his books, running that whole club, helping him pay off his debts and for what? To see him f**k some s**t’. Eughhhh don’t blame the girl, why am I s**t shaming her when it was his fault. I’m just bitter. I saw a little jewellery box in his jacket pocket the other night and had stupidly thought it was my birthday present but it turns out screwing a 19 year old stripper was a pricey negotiation, one which seemingly included expensive jewellery. ‘You literally worked non stop, barely got paid and the asshole never even bought you dinner never mind jewellery as a thanks’ I continued to chide myself. God why was I so desperate , I was literally a glorified employee not a girlfriend! What was this incessant need to feel useful and needed, why couldn’t I aspire to be wanted and not needed in life. What a complete waste of 2 years that turned out to have been.I rolled my window even lower hoping to feel more of that afternoon breeze to cool my rising temper. However, on the bright side- the angrier I seemed to get the less guilty I did in fact become. Come to think of it I actually can’t believe I’m such a simp that even afforded this man an iota of guilt. A courtesy he definitely didn’t f*****g deserve. ‘You know what he did deserve, I should have burned that place to the ground that’s what he deserved. He’s lucky he’s still got a business to run the drunken loser’. By deserve it I am referring to the Rolex that belonged to said asshole. The Rolex that I did help myself to when I was assaulted with the image of my boyfriend balls deep in the petite little blonde with the perkiest t**s I had ever seen. Why did her t**s have to be so small and perky? What in the Himalayan, extra course salt thrown in to my deep wounded injury - was that? I look down at my chest and the fact that my breasts are billowing out of my white cropped tank top doesn’t help my current state of mind. So the Rolex, yeah I took it. It wasn’t premeditated or anything by the way; before any judgments are cast. I ran to our shared apartment which was above the club, I know classy right? Grabbed all the duffel bags I could find and shoved my belongings in them. I managed to fill 3 duffel bags full of stuff. Two of them with clothes and shoes and the third my precious books. Just as I was ransacking the bedside table for any books I may have missed and REFUSED to leave that illiterate s**t, I stumbled across the Rolex. So in my fit of rage I took it. Call it compensation for emotional damage. I’m not a thief, it’s called survival okay. And that’s one thing I knew how to do. Yes I had to skew my moral compass sometimes but I work hard for everything I have, and I damn well should have been compensated more than that Rolex. I took one final glance at what I had called home for the past year and it only then occurred to me we had not one photo in that place of us as a couple. After packing my s**t there was not one tiny clue that I had ever lived here at all. Nothing but a ghost, another theme in my life. Anyone keeping track of these themes? Yeah same. I drove for about an hour before stopping off at a Pawn broker and selling it. He gave me a shitty deal, but I still managed to get $8200 for it. That would be enough to get me far away at least and then the rest I’d figure out. Like I always had. Just me and the voice inside my head against the world. Okay, see now I’m starting to see how that sounds. My stomach growled again. I really needed to stop off somewhere to eat before I passed out I thought as I grabbed my phone and tried to zoom in on the map to see where the nearest Town was. It was my birthday after all. The least I deserved was a bed for the night and a nice meal. The next Town was only a few miles ahead, I could last a few more miles I thought. As I concentrated on the road ahead I could see something in the middle of the road. I squinted my eyes and slowed my speed hoping to god it wasn’t road kill… but it was moving the thing was moving! Was that a dog? It was a dog, no it was a puppy! Oh my god poor little guy. I stopped my car and ran out towards the puppy laying in the middle of the road, shaking violently. ‘It’s okay baby, you’re okay’ I tried to sooth. The poor dog looked terrified, it was shaking and crying and it’s whole face and body was covered in scabs. You could barely see the colour of his black fur from whatever skin disease was plaguing it’s poor tiny body. I took the plaid shirt from around my waist and scooped him up. ‘It’s okay little man, I’ve got you you’re gonna be okay I promise’. I took him to my car and put him in the front seat. He was still shaking and crying helplessly. I took my bottle of water and poured some into my hand to see if he would drink and immediately he nuzzled his face into the water. Poor little guy must be so dehydrated, he looked like he’d been on his own for a while. Looking around there was nothing but Forrest for miles. I sighed, looks like my plans of a nice meal were gonna have to wait, instead I tapped in ‘nearest vet to me’ on my phone. I looked over to a now sleeping pup and my heart melted, at least he’d calmed down and felt self enough to sleep. ‘Get it together Rory, he needs help let’s go’ and with that I started making my way. We pulled into a sleepy looking town, it was really very idyllic looking, kind of creepy but very well kept - I think that’s what made it look creepy though I thought. I continued through the town until I saw a building with ‘Vet’ sprawled across the front. I checked the time ‘6:30, damn it’s later than I thought’ I mumbled out loud. I parked up and ran out of the car and the closer I got to the building my heart sunk, it was closed. ‘No,no,no,no I need help, please someone help’ I started shrieking. Jesus, why was I so hysterical? I couldn’t help it, I was so emotionally drained I just had no capacity left for social norms. ‘HELPPPP’ I continued to scream. ‘Who the hell is that shouting’ a loud voice yelled my way. A tall elderly man approached and he did not look best pleased. ‘Have you lost your god damn mind young lady, I don’t know where you’ve come from but that is not how the civilised folk of this town behave’ he scowled at me. ‘I’m so sorry, it’s just that it’s an emergency’ I pleaded, running to the passenger side of my car and scooping up the little guy who had woken up and continued to shake vehemently. ‘I found him on the road a few miles out and he’s in a bad way and I don’t know what to do’ I started to walk over to him, tears streaming down my face. Why the f**k was I crying? Oh my god am I having a breakdown? I mean by all means I feel bad for the puppy but get it together Rory, Jesus. The man looked from me to the puppy, not quite deciding who was more pathetic (my moneys on me ) and his face softened. ‘Come now, it’s okay. Follow me, we’ll have this little guy right as rain in no time’ he patted my shoulder awkwardly and signalled for me to follow him. I sighed as relief swept over my body, I kissed the puppy’s forehead and handed him over to the man, soaking his tiny head in my tears. Come on little guy, please hold on I prayed. You have to pull through. I crawled on to the chair and closed my eyes letting the last few hours wash over me.