I Am Angel

Peace At Last

I still only saw my father at funerals. Or if I would look at his f*******:. I wished it was different. But, I still prayed and believed in him (Like my papa taught me.) Every once in awhile he would surprise me with a phone call on my birthday. I would feel like I hit the lottery everytime, happy like a child when I was in my twenties. But, it changed when I found out he went to the doctor and found out he had Cirrhosis of Liver which eventually turned into Liver cancer. I was still hopeful that we could have a relationship. I wanted to help him anyway I could (I was his angel,I was special).

But, he didn't want to talk to anyone... Not even me. I couldn't understand it but I didn't stop trying. I didn't know why I cared but I knew God had a plan for us. One time at one of my aunts funeral, God even gave me the boldness to lead him to the prayer of salvation. That was the best day of my life… He gave his life to Jesus and apologized for everything he had done. He got clean and even asked for my forgiveness. I forgave him for everything, our slate was wiped clean.

We were able to talk more. He would never want to go into big detail about the cancer journey but enough that I wouldn't worry. I was just happy to have even a small relationship with him. Small was better than none. So I was thankful for everything Jesus was doing. I thought we had nothing but time…

6 months later though… Time was no longer on our side. My dad went into the hospital for his legs swelling. That's when the doctors told me how bad his cancer really was.

The cancer was spreading faster. I was start to worry… My dad could tell by my face so, he sent everyone out of his room so we could talk. I was really quiet for awhile. Then out of the blue I finally spoke…

" Daddy, Are you scared? "

" No. I'm winning weather I walk out of this hospital or enter heaven. I'm winning. "

I started crying because I wanted more time with him.

I climbed in his bed, grabbed hold of him, still crying and said…

" I'm sorry Daddy. I'm so sorry. I love you. "

He held me and said the words that I waited my whole life to hear…

" I love you too Angel. It's going to be alright. I'm so proud of you. "

That was the last time I heard my fathers voice.

 A week after our talk, he was moved to ICU. 

He was no longer breathing on his own so they had to put him on life support. His ammonia levels were sky high (The normal ammonia level for a man or woman is 40. My fathers ammonia level was 276. So, yeah that was bad.). The cancer spread to his main organs and his blood. So, a transplant was out of the question. The cancer would've infected the new liver. The doctors said now they are just trying to make him comfortable until it was time to make a decision.

Morning until night I made his hospital room my home, even if I had to walk to the hospital (Which I did a few times but, I would spend the walk praying, giving glory to God for what he was doing.) Playing our song, reading him the word of God, talking to him and, just holding his hand. That went on for a whole week. That last week of time was OUR TIME.

On 2/24/20 the decision was made to take him off the life support because there was nothing else the doctors could do. (I can honestly say because I was always there, that the doctors and nurses went above & beyond to save my father. And I will be forever grateful to each and every one of them.)

At 7:41pm my father went to be with God.

Tomorrow will be my first Fathers day without him on earth. Please pray for me.

I will miss him forever.

But, I will always be thankful to God for our time together. And I know one day when my time comes I will see him again, my papa too.

My father was proud of me. My father loved me.

I am confident.

I am loved.

I am special.

I AM ANGEL.