A different kind of madness

I watched from the door of my room as they continued to argue, then he slapped and before I could say jack he started punching her, I stood there without saying a word, as he continued to punch her, my heart bled, but it was her lot, and she should face it. I have begged mama several times, "mama let's run away to a far place where papa, can't reach us" I will say but mama was too adamant and worried about what the other women in the village will say if they find out, she ran away from her husband's house. And tonight, I had a different type of emotion, on other days it was of pity and anger but today it was resentment. I wondered if she enjoys torturing me, why did she choose to make me witness the horrible sight every day. Papa turned to face me, as he made his way I quickly locked the room and allowed him to bang till he was tired. It was at night, I had just finished taking my bath from the public bathroom, I was tired and needed a good sleep, I had to exchange words with mama Anita because she wouldn't allow me to take my bath in peace, "me wan baff that bathroom oo, no enter am oo" I wondered who it was she was referring to with her poorly constructed English, I came here before her and she does not expect me to wait for her, I ignored her picked my bucket and made to enter the bathroom, she ran to me and started hitting me, I pushed her back and warned her never to lay her filthy hands on me, she cursed and threatened brimstone but I wasn't moved one bit. "When you are done cursing, I would have been down bathing," I said. Well, it might have triggered her, but I was careless. As I entered the house, I saw papa Anita, maybe his old witch of a wife must have reported me to him and here he was to report me to papa, I mumbled some greetings and went straight to my room, that night I could hear papa and mama argue but this time around there voice was not loud so I couldn't pick what it was they were arguing about. I woke up the next day a little bit late, Mama and Julie has gone to the market, it was just I and papa at home, "my lovely daughter" papa called, I wondered what it is that was making papa happy he even called me his lovely daughter, I was expecting papa to jump on me and start beating me for exchanging words with mama Anita, maybe he was not aware because papa will not spare me if he finds out I had fought with her, then what it was that papa and papa Anita had discussed, what's it the same reason mama and papa had fought yesterday night? Why didn't they raise their voice as usual? I quickly waved these thoughts off my mind, I threw a smile to papa, so he wouldn't get angry for not replying. I made my way to the kitchen and saw mama had dished my food on a plate and covered it with another, I opened the plate and it was the usual, "concoction rice", I hissed as I gulp one spoon, for how long would we continue to have this as breakfast, rice mixed with oil? When I finished eating I decided to go take my bath and go join mama in the market, I picked the bucket and went to fetch water from the well across our street, it was not a clean well as it becomes muddy if you fetch for too long, but it was the best well as far as our street was concerned, I made my way down to the well, I went straight to meet mama in the market, while in the market a woman came in to buy vegetable, mama's vegetables were very fresh and everybody wants to buy from her, as I wrapped them in black nylon for her, she asked with an accent that tells she might have travel out of this country and must have attended a good school "why are you not in school" I scoffed what exactly is wrong with this woman, can't she see my day is going quite fine, was she sent to remind me about the miserable life I am living? "I don't go to school," I replied. Maybe she learned from the tone of my voice and decided against asking me further questions. Julie came back from hawking, we packed our stuff and headed home, mama bought some fish we could cook vegetable soup with when we get home, as usual papa was sitting down comfortably at home, he doesn't go to work or contribute a penny at home, every day we come back from the market papa will collect all the money with mama, he will bet her and tell if she refuses him, I wondered if our life would have improved if papa decided to work and stop betting and drinking. After eating I went straight to my room, I and Julie shared the same room. I began reminiscing over what had happened during the day, I cried as I remember the woman with her inconsiderate question, why? just why did she have to ask me and bring out the wound I have been nursing all along? I have been able to cover it up so people don't know how bad it smells, but she opened it with her question, I couldn't hold back my tears as they flow freely, I have always wanted to go back to school, I wrote my junior secondary exam last three years, I was just fifteen and badly wanted to continue but mama said there was no money, if I had attended a senior secondary school, Julie would have to sit at home, as there was no enough money to cater for two. Although I wanted to go back to school I had to stay at home for Julie, my younger sister. For some days now, Papa and mama have not fought, it was a welcoming development, at least we had peace and that meant a lot to me, it was a Tuesday evening, I was helping Julie with her assignments, Julie was in primary school and she was just 12yeaes old, I was still on the assignment when papa called me from the sitting room, I ran to the sitting and saw papa Anita, I greeted him, I wondered what it is he was doing in our house, he was not the type to frequent people's houses, and why was mama sitting with her head bowed to the ground? Papa instructed me to sit, and from the corner, I sat. I saw papa Anita smiling and winking at me, and for a moment I prayed it was not what I was thinking, "marriage" I did rather die than marry that old fool. Abigail my child, you will agree with me that you are a grown woman now, today our kind neighbor has sought your hand in marriage, it is only proper has a father you have your best interest in heart to give you out" papa finally said, I left out long laughter that threw them off balance, when I was done laughing I looked papa straight in the eyes and said "never" and stormed out of the room, I wondered if papa understood what he was about to do "marry me off? I was just 18 and he was talking about marriage when my mates were at the university. That night I decided to devise a means to escape, I couldn't sit and do anything. The next morning I work up and saw mama cooking, papa was still sleeping, I had joined her in the food preparation when she was done, she dished papa's food on a plate and covered it with another just like the way she does with others, mama asked me to take my bath and come join her in the market, while at home the thought of marrying papa Anita kept ringing in my head, I thought of a way to escaped and it hit me, I was going to do just that, that way I won't be married off to papa Anita, I quickly finished up and jogged off to the market, while in the market I kept asking mama, so we could just run away and start a new life, but it was all still the same mama was more concerned about what they will call her in the village. "Shameless woman, who can't even keep her home, your mates are in their husband's house but you shamelessly ran away, tufiakwa, Abigail that's what they will say, would you want me to pass through that humiliation?" Was mama not being selfish, I wondered, "what about us mama, what about Julie and I? "It's for your good too" mama will say. I resented this woman, she is the cause of all these, If only mama had just agreed for us to run away. We got home, in the evening and found papa sleeping on the couch with the plate beside him, he has been sleeping since morning or maybe he wasn't sleeping, mama took the plate beside him to the kitchen, we all went about our businesses when it was time to eat, it happened, mama had woken papa up but he wasn't moving, I peeped from my room as she places a hand on him to feel his pulse, "Ewo" mama shouted, Julie and I ran out of the room, "what is the matter," we both chorused. ``Your father is dead", I let out a small smile, at last, we will have peace, he was not contributing anything anyways. Mama glanced at me and her question threw me off balance. "it was you right" I stammered, as I couldn't get the right answer to her question " why did you do it? '' Mama said, amidst tears. Julie clung to me, I held her hand as tears flowed from my eyes "I did it for everyone mama" mama wiped her tears and for the first time, I saw mama act in our interest "help me oo" she screamed, soon neighbors gathered in our small sitting room. I watched as they covered papa with a cloth, they had tried to resuscitate him but it was too late, Papa was long gone. He was gone for good. The next day, Papa and mama's family members came from the village, papa's family members were not having it, they wanted to know how papa died, some even accused mama of killing papa, I prayed silently for mama not to reveal our little secret, it was the first time we will be sharing a secret and I prayed she does not blow it up. A few weeks after papa's death, everything went back to normal, Papa was not around anymore, we all went about our normal business, one afternoon, I was all alone at the market, mama was a bit feverish so she had to stay back at home, I was busy slicing vegetable for a customer when I heard the voice, I raised my head and it was the woman from the other day, the one who asked me if I why I was not in school. "How many vegetables do you want to buy," I asked she selected some vegetables and handed them over for me to slice, after slicing I gave her the vegetables, I kept staring at her, she suddenly turned to me, "here is my card call me when you need me" I collected it from her without a word I wondered what it was she wanted me to call her for. About a month later, Papa Anita came to our house one evening, he had talked to mama in the sitting room. I could hear his voice as he screamed and shouted at mama, Mama was silent all through their discussion. When he had left I asked mama what it was he wanted, "your hand in marriage," she replied, I stood there transfixed to a spot, I thought these were all over, Papa is dead now, why can't he leave us alone, 'he said, he gave your father 200 thousand nairas, Abigail and we must pay him back if he can't have you" my mouth went wide open, so papa had such huge amount of money and he never said a thing to us. Papa sold me out for money. "What are we going to do Let's run away mama, let's go to a place he can't find us, Papa is dead now, nobody will label you shameless again, mama let's go" it was as if mama could not hear me talk as she never said a word to me. Was mama going to give me out as well? I was scared I knew mama to be a coward, yes she was just that, too scared to face the world. I never wanted to live like that, living my life like mama means misery, if I don't act fast I will end up like her, I went back to the room thinking of a plan. It was a sunny morning, mama had left to buy some vegetables, I quickly picked up the card the woman from the market gave me, I made my way through to the next street, I would use Bolaji's phone to call her, Bolaji was a young guy from the next street, he was known for his notorious behavior, today it either Bolaji was caught stealing money or spare parts, there was always a story to tell about him, he was the only young person with a phone, luckily for me he was at home, "Good morning, Bola. Can I use your phone? Bola gave me a long stare, "Na why I go give you my phone?" Please, I want to use it for an urgent call, "Kiss me first" Was Bola alright? I wondered he wants me to kiss him because of a phone, I went on my knees to beg him, but he was not having it, "I don tell you wentin you go do, nor dey waste my time abeg" I needed Bola's phone, how will I get away from Papa Anita if I don't make this call? The call was my only hope. I had hoped that the vegetable women would be interested in my case and try to stop papa Anita from marrying me. "Bola please" Bola hissed and walked away. I went back home feeling defeated, why is my life like this? Mama does not have a phone, and uncle Max, who has a phone, will ask me what I want to do with a phone, he might even report me to mama and it will cause a big issue. My only hope of getting a phone was Bola. After eating my dinner, I went to bed. Jullie had brought her assignment for me to help her with but I was too tired. I slept off. I followed mama to the market the following day. I kept on staring at the road, hoping she would show up, but she never did. Maybe the universe was aligned against me because why was all this happening to me? Days passed and I still couldn't get to see her, I was running out of time as papa Anita promised to come back in two weeks. I went back to Bola, it was just a kiss, what is a kiss compared to marrying that old man? Bola smiled as he saw me from afar, "I know say you go come back" devil I screamed inside of me, "please nobody should hear about this I begged' Bola ushered me inside his room, as he brings his mouth closer, I quickly held my nose, " Don't you brush your mouth" my question might have triggered him as he asked me to leave his room, I couldn't afford to leave "No vex" I begged him, and there in that room, Bola kissed me, it was my first kiss, I hated everyone that had made my life this miserable, from papa to mama and even that old man, papa Anita, because of the mess they created I had to kiss this gutter mouth of Bola and to think it was my first kiss made me angrier. He handed me the phone, I dialed her number and she didn't pick it up, my heart skipped for a moment, I called again and the third time, she answered the phone. I heaved a sigh of relief, I introduced myself almost immediately, she was delighted to hear from me. We had fixed a date to meet, she had promised to come to pick me up, and as promised she did, it was a Saturday, that day I had feigned a stomach pain, mama left me in the house and went with Julie to the market. I quickly took my bath. I met mama Anita at the bathroom door. This time I was too happy to think of exchanging words with her if she had started with her usual dramas. I went inside and applied body oil on my body, I applied it as gently as I could, like a model advertising for a body lotion. The oil was obtained from palm fruits. Mama will tell us to search and gather used palm fruits. After gathering them, she will process them and use them for body lotion. I wore my best dress, mama had bought it for me three years ago and although it was now short, it was still manageable, thanks to mama who bought an oversized dress for me. I dress and waited for her to come, I kept looking outside and wondering what was taking her this long to come, has she changed her mind?