BABY STEPS

CHAPTER FIVE

"Yes," I smiled. "It's lasagna night! That is my light at the end of this dark tunnel." Micah laughed at me, poking me in the stomach softly.

"That little thing is gonna have quite a meal tonight." We made our way down into the kitchen. I sat next to Iris.

When Micah and I left the clinic early she was confused. She was angry with me for not doing it, then angry at Micah because she thought he'd only showed up to convince me not to.

But the truth is, I had made up my mind before I even saw Micah. I want that little girl. I want her in that place with me. I want to hear her call me mommy. I want her. Regardless of what anyone thinks or says.

She gave me a small smile, so I guessed she wasn't upset anymore. I was glad.

"Alright you guys!" Mom says, sitting the glass pan of lasagna on the table. "Dig in." She lifted the cover, and I almost had a heart attack.

The smoke from the lasagna hit my face hard, almost like a slap, and when the smell filled my nose I almost gagged. "EW!" I yelled, hopping up from my seat swiftly.

"What?" My Mom asked, clueless.

"Is there a bug or something?" Dad asked. Micah and Iris gave me worried looks, and I held my nose shut.

"That smells so bad, Mom!" I cried.

"What? You love that smell. What happened?" She asks.

"I actually just threw up in my mouth a little," I said. "I am not eating this."

"Aria!" She shouted as I backed away.

"I have homework. Goodnight." And with that, I dashed up the stairs. I can't believe this baby just ruined this for me! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

I threw myself face first on the bed, burying my head into a pillow. Minutes later, my cell phone started to ring, and I swiftly swiped to answer. "Hello?"

"ARIA!" A gang of voices shouted, and I smiled to myself.

"Is this where we do that group phone call thing?" I asked amused.

"Yes, but most importantly, we have a party to go to!" Taylor says in excitement, and I roll my eyes with a smile.

"What party?" Oliveyah asks.

"The first party of the school year, I can't believe it took them six whole weeks to throw one! I've been DYING for some fun!" Bonnie says that, and I sigh softly.

"I don't really feel like partying guys," I state.

"I'm with Aria on this one," Oliveyah says, and that makes me smile.

"Come on you guys!" Taylor whines. "This is our chance for a break! Plus, Aria, Ian will be there! And you know you never pass up an opportunity to see him outside of school." I started to feel some kind of way when she said his name. I wasn't sure if it was good or bad really, it just felt weird.

"Please say no, Aria," Oliveyah says softly, and I feel like I should. I probably should take her advice and just say no, but I don't.

"I'll go."

"YAY!" Bonnie and Taylor says simultaneously, overshadowing Oliveyah's groan.

"Sorry, Olive."

"It's okay," she sighs.

"You and I can leave early, okay?" I suggest. "I just wanna talk to Ian."

"Okay," she replies.

"So when is it?" I asked.

"In two days! Friday." Bonnie says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. She just wants to be with her boyfriend.

"Well okay then," I sigh. "I gotta go though. I have tons of work to do."

"See!" Taylor starts. "This is why we need this party. So we can let our hair down and stop stressing over school!"

"What are you talking about girl?" Oliveyah asks. "Your hair is always down." At that, we all laugh, and I shake my head at the three of them.

"By guys," I say with a grin. "I'll see you in the morning." I hang up the phone, and then stand in front of my full mirror. I pinned my hair up in a messy bun, leaving a long bang hanging.

I unbutton my burgundy shirt slowly, traveling my stomach. I ran a hand over it, stopping at the edge of my jeans. Nothing seems to be changing there yet, not even when I turned to the side. I was still thin Aria. Still the girl who my friends like to call a pencil. Still the girl who wasn't bulimic but easily could be.

I c****d my head to the side, and then I don't know why, but I started to smile uncontrollably. There is a person, growing, inside of me. There is a baby. My baby. My and Ian's baby. I know that we're not together, or a couple, or friends, but we have this thing together now. This special thing.

We're not together, but on our baby's face. With my genes clashed into his. We will be.

~•~

The next day, at school, I saw Ian eating lunch outside by himself. No one was around either. I found myself standing by the window, tray in hand, watching him.

This is your chance, I thought. Talk to him! Even if I do though, what will I say? What can I say? Do I just flat out tell him, or do I beat around the bush? Do I become his friend first? How do I do that?

"Why don't you just talk to him?" A voice said, only it wasn't mine, and it wasn't in my head.

I scanned around for where the voice came from. It was a boy. The boy from American Apparel. "What?" I asked quietly.

"Go talk to him," he smiled. "He wants to talk to you too ya know." I blinked at him in surprise, and then looked back at Ian.

"He does?"

"He does," he nodded.

"What do I say?" I asked, looking back up at him.

"Hi would be nice," he laughed, and I have him a shy smile.

"Okay." He opened up the door for me, urging me along, and I took a shaky step outside.

"You two," he mutters, shaking his head softly.

I slowly make my way towards him, approaching the old bench that he was sitting at. At first, he didn't see me, he was picking at his food, but then he finally looked up.

His eyes widened when he saw me, and I stopped walking, about to just turn around and change my mind. But before I did, his eyes trailed away from mine, to something else. Someone else.

She sat her food down besides his, placing a kiss on his lips. They exchanged words, words that I couldn't hear. I could only imagine what she was saying, but I didn't. Because I didn't want to.

Before I walked away, he looked back over at me. With a look that I read as "sorry, you have to be quicker than that." My heart sunk into my stomach, as I walked away. I didn't know he had a girlfriend. I guess six weeks is a pretty long time. Anything can happen.

The guy who encouraged me in the first place was still there, waiting to see what happened next. He gave me a look that said "what happened?" And I just shrugged. "I can't do it," I mouthed, and he smacked his head with his hand.

I walked as fast as I could back inside of that school, wishing I was actually a thousand light years away. "Dude! You were so in there!" He said once I was inside, and I laughed.

"I just can't do it," I admitted.

"Why? He's just a person! He's not God. He farts and poops just like everyone else." I shook my head at him in amusement, and then sighed.

"Honestly, I just don't think it was meant to be. I mean, if it was, don't you think it would've already happened?" I asked him, hoping for a genuine answer.

"I guess you're right," he says after thinking it over. "But I don't like his new girlfriend. She sucks." He laughs, and I half smile. "I just think that after, ya know, what happened during the summer you two could at least say hi to each other by now." My eyes widened and I stopped smiling immediately.

"You know about that?"

"Don't get upset!" He smiled. "I'm his best friend of course I'd have to know. But Ian's not a douche, he wouldn't tell anybody else that."

"Really?" I asked in disbelief. "Cause my brother says he will."

"Your brother isn't his best friend. I am."

"Who are you?" I ask, suddenly realizing that I don't even know his name.

"I'm Sam," he said.

"Oh, okay."

"But hey, don't let that discourage you next time okay? I wasn't lying when I said he wanted to talk to you." He gave me one last wink, and a smile, and then was gone.

"Aria?" Olive asked, coming from behind me. I didn't answer her, I just stared longingly at Ian. Why oh why is this so hard for me? "Are you okay?" She asked, and I shook my head just barely.

"I gotta pee." I handed her my tray, then rushed to the bathroom.

~•~

In my spare time, I bought almost every book I could find on pregnancies. Every magazine, and googled every website. I know I should be getting checked out, and have a doctor to make sure everything is okay, but I just don't know if I can do that without being caught.

According to one website, my baby's heart is already beating. And I should seriously be considering taking some prenatal vitamins. Micah's been reading them with me, and on the nights when Mom makes things that kill me, he sneaks out and gets me something else.

Sometimes I think he's more invested and excited about this baby than I am, if that's even possible. He even brought up picking out a name, but I refused. I just can't think that far ahead right now. Something is holding me back from that, but I can't quite figure out what it is.

Ian, apart of me thought. But I knocked her down.

Anyways, Micah and I both know that we want a girl. A sweet, beautiful, perfect girl. Maybe I'll name he'd when this starts to seem real. When I don't feel like I'm imagining all this.

A part of me won't stop waiting for Ian though. Waiting for the day I tell him. For him to know. I don't know why I feel like he'll want anything to do with me, or it, but I just feel like he would be. Like I'd want him there.

Don't get me wrong, I've never thought of my baby as a ticket to his heart, but he can at least be there for her if not me. Little girls need their daddy's. I'm seventeen and I still need my daddy.

"Can we please start picking names now?" Micah begged, and I rolled my eyes. Iris laughed at him, as she was there also, flipping through a Maternity magazine on my bed.

"No, Micah!" I yelled, shaking my head at him. "I'm only six weeks. That's too soon to be finding a name."

"But I need something to do," he argued. "Something fun and productive."

"Go play Sims," Iris suggested. "Name them." At that, I laughed, and he glared at her. It seemed that over my pregnancy, the three of us bonded even more. I guess secrets really do make people close.

"I can't believe you're leaving next week," I said. Trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, I know." She laughed. "But you'll see me for thanksgiving. Sooner than you think. I bet it'll be like I was never even gone!" She laughed, her blond curls shaking with her.

"Whatever," Micah sighed. "I just can't wait to turn your room into a nursery," he joked.

"Jeremy is getting that room," she smiled. "He doesn't want to share with Ashton anymore."

"I bet he's not sad you're leaving," I said, amusement laced in my voice.

"He'll actually be happy when we all go," Micah laughed.

"Ugh, I remember when Veronica moved out. I was so happy I didn't have to share a room with you anymore, Aria!" Iris laughed, and rolled my eyes.

"You couldn't wait to tell me to get out of your room."

"I waited my whole life to say these words," she groaned, and we all laughed.

"Those are the cons of having a big family. You have to share rooms, until one of them are old enough to go, then you don't."

"Yeah, but then you're gone yourself before you even have time to really enjoy it."

"Do you guys think," I started, my voice no longer playful. "That I would have to move out when the baby comes?" Everyone got quiet. The only noise was the clock ticking on the wall. Not even Iris flipping through the magazine.

"Mom and Dad wouldn't do that," she says suddenly, breaking the loud silence. "They'll be mad at first, but then they'll understand. They will."

"I wish you would be here when I tell them, both of you."

"You could tell them before I leave, I mean, they're gonna find out eventually, Aria."

"That's not enough time. I don't think I'm emotionally prepared for them to know, and a week is not enough time."

"Well, you better do it before you start showing," Micah says. "It's best you tell them early so they aren't stunned into silence when they can actually see." I nod slowly.

"I know," I said. "I'll tell them. Soon."