DUNGEONS AND DRUGGOS

Act 1 Scene 1   We open in a seedy tavern. There are several chairs, tables and people, occupying this space and the room smells entirely of alcohol and smoke, which comes billowing from the fireplace. At the back is a bar, before It’s a bar man, who stands behind a thick dark oak bar table absentmindedly pouring booze for the patrons before him. There is a stairwell by the side of the bar leading up to the empty bedrooms for adventurers. Beside the stairwell there is a door leading to the alleyway behind the bar. There is also a small couch area to the left wall where smokers can enjoy themselves, when walking towards this side of the bar though, the smell of alcohol and firewood burning disappears and is replaced by the evergreen smell of weed. The bar is fairly dim though, even with all the candles burning, the thick cloud of smoke that encompasses the bar is suffocating. Our protagonists are all here; Lord Gargen is sitting, in his usual green brown attire; light yellow shirt, green cloak and brown trousers, with not a single stain on any, alone by the bar sipping on a glass of vodka his trusty bow beside him. Sir Lin is upstairs “entertaining” one of the working girls, in his room of ‘pleasure’. PSY is sitting in the corner of the room in the designated smoking area, there are even fewer lights there, so all that’s visible is his dark purple hood and one eye the lack of light making it appear blood red.   Gargen: “I think I’ll have another” (waves down the bartender)   The bar man quickly walks over to the rack of alcohol then swiftly returns with a full mug of vodka. A loud screech is heard upstairs, followed by loud footsteps from what seems to sound like an attic. From Sir Lins room door flies open, a terrified p********e runs out and down the corridor to the stairs with Sir Lin right behind her.   Lin: (Runs out fully naked behind the poor girl who is also naked) “Come on, we were just getting to the good part”. Prostitute: “Hell no, what kind of sick knight is into that s**t”. (Turning to run down the stairs). Lin: “That’s what I paid for, I’ve been questing for two months straight, excuse me for wanting a bit more than the boring crap you give everyone else.” (Sir Lin is clearly intoxicated)   The girl runs down the stairs with relative ease, Sir Lin is not so lucky. He manages to make it to the bottom of the stairs, aside from stumbling a few times he is unscathed, but he doesn’t seem to notice where he’s going and runs right into a table knocking its contents in the air and onto the patrons enjoying it. No words were shared during this exchange the penalty for ruining someone’s drink was clear. A giant fist pushes Sir Lins’ face away and chaos ensues. The inhabitants of the bar quickly go into a frenzy, Sir Lin in the centre of it. Lord Gargen just stays sipping on his drink but quickly has to join in when a loose adventurer goes flying through his mug. Amidst the chaos PSY decides to escape through the back door into the alleyway. He makes it out only to hear a loud boom a sharp flash of light that blinds him, when his eyes adjust, we meet the fourth protagonist, Widowmaker standing bare before him.   PSY: (face palming at the realization of seeing another naked man) “F***ing hell, all day with you people.” (Looking Widowmaker over he sees that aside from the nudity this strange man is actually quite ripped, not well endowed (PSY looks down), but ripped. His skin is also a dark dusty purple, almost faded purple, but is much brighter than PSYs’ cloak. He has a short mop of pitch black hair that lays completely straight atop his head and a variety of deep crimson lines, symbols and patterns all across his body. His face seemed strange to PSY though; his eyes were like that of a normal human except his iris was black, he had a normal mouth, nose and other facial features except for his ears,  which were slightly pointed not like that of an elf though but rather a bat, and his teeth, he has fangs.   PSY: (looking at the motionless mass of Widowmaker) “The f*** is you?”   Widowmaker stands quiet and motionless. Suddenly a loud boom is heard and the surrounding clouds all gather above the pair standing in the alley. They turn from white to dark grey and finally a deep bright red. A voice comes from these malicious looking clouds and PSY stands there looking bored as always.   Voice: (with a deep and powerful voice) “He won’t respond, I’ve kept him frozen so that you and I can speak uninterrupted.” PSY: (Rolling his eyes) “Okay first question, who am I speaking to? Secondly, the f**k is this fucker’s deal?” (Gesturing to Widowmaker) Arkados: “I am Arkados, the God of War…” PSY: (coughs) “Make believe.” Arkados: (ignoring PSYs’ comment) “And that is one of my… uh… let’s call him a soldier, anyway he has caused me enough problems up here so now I return him to the mortal world so he can… do stuff.” PSY: (filled with scepticism and sarcasm) “mhh, okay so the f**k am I supposed to do with him?” Arkados: (with a hint of irritation at PSYs’ constant disrespect) “I wish for you to guide him away from me, if you do this I shall reward you with eternal life.” PSY: (rolls eyes) “Pass.” Arkados: (flabbergasted) “Wha… Why.” PSY: (shrugs) “Seems too boring…” (Looking over at a still frozen Widow he sees a few people down the alleyway, they look up at the malicious clouds) “Am I the only person who can hear you?” Arkados: “Yes…” PSY: (takes a deep pull) “Why would you want to leave him with me…” Arkados: (sighs) “Does it matter.” PSY: “Really kind of does.” Arkados: “Too bad…”(Arkados words become softer and softer as the clouds fade back to their places in the bright blue sky) PSY: (wanting to say something but only spits out) “C***.” Suddenly Widowmaker takes a deep breath as though he just awoke from a terrible nightmare. He spots PSY standing there holding a blunt, dressed in his black trousers black shirt and dark purple cloak. Beneath the cloak he has a light brown complexion and long curly pitch black hair. His face is fairly angled and he is quite skinny, regardless of PSYs’ relatively weak appearance Widowmaker lunges at him, as though his nightmare has come true. He tries to punch PSY in the face but just-just misses, grazing PSYs’ cheek in the process. He quickly steps away from PSY, feeling something is wrong he looks down only to find a 9 inch blade in his stomach. He goes to pull it out but PSY runs into him, pushing the blade deeper with his hand. PSY: (straining as he pulls the blade free of Widow) “Look here I have had enough of this public nudity s**t. I didn’t want or have to be subjected to your d*** swinging at me.” Widowmaker drops down to the floor of the alley and PSY stands over him cleaning off the blade, PSY says something Widowmaker cannot make out except one word “Paralyze”. PSY: (rubbing off the last of the blood stains) “And if you wake up, put some clothes on will you.... Damn the day just started and I’m already annoyed” (His words fade away as he walks back into the bar) For a few long seconds Widowmaker lay there in a puddle of his own blood, but then miraculously stands up. The gaping wound in his stomach has half disappeared but is still gushing some blood. He decides to follow the man who just stabbed him, into this establishment, trailing blood with every short step.   Act 1 Scene 2 Widowmaker enters the bar and is almost knocked back by the odour of the place, it smells like a combination of sweat, urine, smoke and several other scents that he couldn’t identify. PSY sits in his usual spot in the smokers area, he sits in such darkness that Widowmaker cannot spot him but PSY spots him from across the room, still as buck naked as ever. PSY sits there astonished by the fact he isn’t a corpse. Gargen: (Turning to the bartender) “Who’s the big naked guy?” (Taking another deep swig) “He looks kinda weird right” Bartender: (Cleaning a glass) “Never seen him.” Lin: (Sliding into the conversation) “Yeah, think he might be an out of towner?” Bartender: (Watching Lin rub his crotch across the table) “Put some f***ing clothes on.” Lin: (smiling but angrily) “Get better f***ing girls…” Gargen: (Still staring at Widow, they suddenly meet eyes) “Damnit, he saw me.” Widowmaker moves his hand from his wound and it is completely healed, he regains his stride and walks to the bar, the crowd falls a little silent. A brown haired iron clad knight sits sipping a drink, he can’t help comparing Lin to Widow as the two nude men now stand opposite each other with Gargen sandwiched between them. PSY dabs the blunt until it dies and scurries from his hole. Gargen: (looks to his left then his right) “Nope…” (gets up and moves to a seat behind Lin) Lin: (smiles and extends a hand to his bare consort) “Nice outfit, bold choice. I’m Lin…” Widowmaker: “My name is Widowmaker, I am a half…” PSY: (walks up to the bar and orders something, he turns with two glasses in hand and slides him a glass) “Shut it, your enough of a weirdo without narrating your backstory, sorry for stabbing you… here’s a drink to make up for it.” Widowmaker, still sceptical about this person, hesitates to take the whole glass in one go. It takes him mere seconds to realize that it wasn’t just whiskey. He looks over at PSY, clutching at his throat only to see a dark smile spread across PSYs’ face. Widowmaker collapses and for a long few minutes there was silence, then Widowmaker jumps up again gasping for air.   Widowmaker: “Ghaa! What did you put in that drink?” (Still recovering) PSY: (giggles like a gleeful girl) “I knew it, your immortal.” (Laughing Maniacally) “What did you have to do for Arkados to get that?” Widowmaker: (Fury and confusion in his eye) “You poisoned me?! The hell is wrong with you.” PSY: “What’s wrong with you, taking a drink from a stranger?” (Calming down from his laughter) “Since you survived I’ll buy you a real drink.” (Calls bartender again) Bartender: (To Widowmaker) “I think you picked the wrong person to hang out with.” (Quietly behind his hand) “A newcomer like you shouldn’t get mixed up with a guy like him.” PSY: (grabbing the glasses and his hands, PSY stares directly into the Barman’s eyes) “You know I hear everything your saying.” (Lets his hand go but taking the glasses, smiling Broadly) “It’s true though, the gods gave him to me so he’s gotta be useful for something. Besides he can’t leave.” (Smiles deviously) “Even if he wanted to.” Lin: (Suddenly disinterested by the bartender, looks to PSY with doubt in his eyes) “What do you mean the gods gave him to you?” Widowmaker: (Looks angrily at PSY) “I am not his possess…” PSY: (interrupting him again)“Shut up, yes you are ”(To Lin) “Nah you see what had happened was the god Arkados showed up in like clouds or some s**t, he said and I quote, “This dude is yours to do with as you please.”.” Widowmaker: (anger in his eyes) “NO! He didn’t…” PSY: “Shut up yes he did.” (To Gargen) “You think the land of (insert name here) would want a legendary warrior/slave.” Gargen: (Holding another drink) “I think the elite guard do fine, why not pawn him off to the kingdom?” (Looks at Lin who is still naked) “They seem to be lacking.” Lin: (Suddenly interested) “Hey why you looking at me.” Gargen: (quietly) “You know why. Seriously, have you no shame?” Widowmaker: (Still frowning) “Why are you people talking like I’m his slave.” Lin: (pointing to the girl who just fled his room) “No one is telling her to put on clothes” PSY: (Giggling to himself) “She lives here…” (To Gargen) “Hey I’m gonna go test this guy out, could use your help on this one, wanna come?” Lin: (still not off his subject) “I live here…” Gargen: (downing the entire glass and grasping his bow) “And you’re actually proud to say it…” (to PSY) “Sure why not, we should bring this p*****t along for some extra support.” (Throws his thumb to Lin) Lin: (Dumbfounded look) “Hey I’m not a p*****t, I’m a connoisseur of women.” PSY: (walking to the door) “You guys coming or not.”(To Widowmaker) “Come on slave!” Widowmaker: (to himself somewhat surprised) “This b***h…” Gargen: (Throwing his quiver over his back) “I’m coming.” Lin: “Me too.” (Runs up the steps to his room) Widowmaker: “I guess I don’t have much choice.” PSY: (to Widowmaker) “Wait…” (Taking off his cloak and giving it to Widowmaker) “Put this on, nobody wants to see your, not so hidden, dagger.” Widowmaker: (putting cloak on) “Thanks...” (Under his breath) “Asshole.” Gargen: (sarcastically) “Aww you’re bonding, can we get going?”       Act 2 Scene 1 Our heroes are walking through a great forest. The sun shining through the fluffy white clouds and branches, of the great green trees, create a fantasy atmosphere around them. They step through the overgrown shrubs, bushes and grass. PSY is leading the way with a skip in his step cutting down everything in his path, Widowmaker treading right behind him, he seems calmer now. Sir Lin and Lord Gargen are traipsing behind them talking about lots of s**t.   PSY: (Excitedly somewhat tired) “Come on guys hurry up we’re almost there.” Gargen: (steps from Lins’ conversation, next to Widow) “So seriously who the hell are you?” Widowmaker: (slowing to talk to Gargen) “I was once a great general of a massive army, my mortal name was Tris… if I remember correct… my army was to prepare for a great war against the people of Steddford, but instead of an amazing battle we were almost wiped out by the God of Chaos, Arkados…” (Grits his teeth) Lin: (has somehow moved forward to PSY) “Come on man where the hell are you taking us.” PSY: “Calm your t**s bro, we’re almost there.” Widowmaker: (back to point) “After the battle Arkados cursed me, as a half demon I was immortal but could still feel every injury, I have walked this earth for eons wishing to get my revenge and one day I almost did...” PSY: (looking back at the pair) “oi… less talk more walk.” Gargen: (Catching up to PSY) “So do you really know where you’re going.” PSY: (Frustrated) “Listen, when we get there it’ll be amazing.” Lin: (Feeling left out) “Are we gonna fight any monsters.” PSY: “Maybe if you’d shut up you’d see that…we’re here.”   The group find themselves at the mouth of a dark cave, one would think it were man made by the look of it; the cave stand in a small hill in the centre of the forest, the hill itself is quite strange as it looks like a small pimple protruding from the earths’ surface without any other mountains or hills around it is as though it fell from the sky. It is covered by an unbelievable amount of growth so much so that any normal person walking around would not have noticed it.   Gargen: (Face palms) (silently) “Jesus f*****g Christ.” Lin: (Angrily) “A CAVE!! You brought us to a cave, I thought there would be babes and monsters.” PSY: (Confused) “NO…” (Looks at cave) “Well yes, this is where I come to get experience and loot.”(Walks towards cave and gestures to the others to follow)     PSY walks over to the pit taking some powder and throwing it in, a fire sparks immediately before their eyes. Inside the cave it looks like a normal cave, there is a fire pit in the centre of the room, burning now thanks to PSY and there are zero stalagmites or stalactites it is as though the cave was cleaned but no one could see PSY doing that. The cave is very shallow and barely fit the four of them. Scattered around the pit there are loose bones of various animals as well as a few stones that the group members take for seats. They all look around the cave, except PSY, and finally turn their head to PSY.    Lin: (More confused now then angry) “What is this place, you said that you get experience here…, so where?” PSY: (Pulling some herbs out of his bag and grinding it down with his bare hands) “We have to get baked to open the door to the dungeon, you see a while back I found this cave and thought hey this would be a nice place to puff…” Widowmaker: (Smugly) “What does this puff mean.” PSY: (Slightly pissed) “F**k you, you know exactly what it means, anyway I smoked in here and found a dungeon somehow but can’t remember how, so I thought bringing you here and smoking would help me… uh…us find it” Gargen: (dusts himself off) “I’m out.” PSY: (Confused) “Why?” Gargen: “Smoking that stuff decreases my accuracy and reaction time.” PSY: (Deep sigh) “Well unless you want to hike the way back alone your stuck here and don’t worry we won’t be going far just to fetch him a weapon.”(Pointing to Widowmaker with his free hand the other rolling the finishing touches on a joint) Gargen: (sigh) “Fine…, I’ll just take one hit.” PSY: (Smirking) “With this s**t, one is all you need.”   They all take a seat around the fire, it’s surprisingly not warm but a dull heat. PSY lights the blunt in the fire and takes a deep puff, then another. He passes it to Widowmaker who looks at it hesitantly then takes his two. Gargen takes one and passes it on. Lin takes his two and the cycle continues, the room slowly starts to fill with the smoke and soon the cave was overrun, which was senseless given the gaping entrance that is the mouth of the cave. The joint, once dead, makes the group start to feel wonky. Before long nothing but white clouds are visible.   Act 2 Scene 2 The style of the world has changed, it looks more serious and defined, like a high budget manga or a top rated hentai. The group finds themselves in a much larger cave, before them is a wide corridor and behind them is nothing but an enclosed cave mouth. This cave is more of a cave system, as the group walks down the corridor they constantly have to avoid the stalagmites and stalactites, protruding and dangling from all over the cave.   Gargen: (tripping out) “Where the f**k are we?” PSY: (walking ahead, down the corridor) “Don’t think about it too much, let’s go this high only lasts so long and whenever I sobered up I was outside the cave but the loot stayed with me.”   Not knowing where to go aside from forward they all follow PSY. The group runs through the corridor and it seems to be leading somewhere, as they start to see more and more light. They inevitably reach the source, it leads them to a massive dungeon with torches burning all around and a great stone roof telling them they are no longer above ground, they waste no time gawking and run straight through on PSY’s lead. They scarcely run two feet when they are attacked by a hoard of dire wolves. PSY falls back and allows Sir Lin to run ahead, Widowmaker spouts a quick incantation and Gargen shoots an arrow. The six wolves are instantly; given a strike by Lin, burned to death by Widowmaker, the escaping ones cut down by PSY and shot by Gargen. Before the last wolf corpse had hit the ground PSY was already on the run and without rest the group continues to run through the dungeon. Before they can even reach the end of the gigantic open cave a hundred goblins fall on our hero’s path they seem to be in a sticky situation. PSY throws a vial on the ground and the goblins caught in the spray were melted away instantly. Lin swings his sword and decapitates a few of them but they quickly fill the gap. Gargen shoots a few arrows but at this rate he’ll run out. Widowmaker feeling overwhelmed unleashes his demonic form. His small demonic horns grow longer, pointier and more menacing as they now look like blood stained bones. His dark, red hair seems to have faded away and has now been replaced with a large blue flame, he even seems to have a pair of bright red wings, unlike his bloodied horns the wings colour was more appealing, he may have been able to fly… at some point… but for the moment his wings were shredded. He is quickly let loose on the goblins and rips them all to shreds, wasting no time as his friends just watch the m******e in awe. He briefly looks back at the others with rage in his eyes but quickly regains his senses and reverts back to normal, his horns retract and his wings infold themselves, his flame burns out and his hair grows back. The group continue, but PSY is impressed, like a child with a new and interesting toy. The goblins that survived run toward an opening in the cave wall, sceptical of what would come for them next, they finally reach the dungeons end. They find themselves in another cavern but this one is slightly smaller… actually a lot smaller… there is a large open area, with torches on the walls (god only knows who lit them) and in the centre of the room there’s a pit full of bones with a chest at the top, it is guarded by a slumbering fire dragon who wakes at our sudden presence. Widowmaker and Lin run ahead to strike the dragon but it simply swipes its tail and whacks them away. Gargen shoots a few arrows but they barely graze the hard scales of the beast. The dragon blows a ball of fire at Gargen and PSY who jump out of the way, they scarcely make it and Gargens green cloak set ablaze. Having no other options PSY decided to whip out his own trump card, three bright yellow cylindrical tubes wrapped together, with a fuse coming out the top of each tube and connecting in the centre. PSY lights the fuse by the adjacent flames on the bones and small wood fragments, runs and throws the parcel at the dragon. It easily dodges the bright coloured package and it lands on the other side of the room against the back wall of the cave. The parcel explodes, the room shakes from the impact, and a c***k runs up the wall whilst the dragon is still distractedly charging a fire ball. The c***k stretches to the roof of the cave, carving out a nice large boulder that drops right on the dragon killing it instantly. They rejoice at their victory and walk up to the chest (struggling because of the bones), as they touch it everything goes white and our heroes awaken outside.   PSY: (coughing) “Goddamn that s**t was good.” Gargen: (also coughing, louder than PSY) “What was that, it felt like a dream?” Lin: (stifling a cough and failing) “I guess we’re still dreaming.”(pointing to the chest) PSY: “Let’s check our loot.”(Remembering) “Ohh we forgot to get you a weapon Widow.” Widowmaker: (sitting up straight staring at the sky) “Its fine, when we were fighting that dragon I grabbed this axe off a skeleton.” (Points to axe next to him) “I kind of like it, it’s not too heavy and it’s still sharp.” Gargen: (to Widowmaker) “It didn’t look like you need a weapon.” Widowmaker: “I can only do that so many times, plus when I get like that I’m not invincible and my bloodlust doubles over infinitely so it has its drawbacks.” Lin: “Yeah but why didn’t you use it against the dragon.” Widowmaker: “I was too pumped after the goblins I almost slaughtered you guys, didn’t want to kill my new and only companions.” PSY: (surprisingly quiet up until now) “What are you talking about you can’t kill your master.” Widowmaker: “Maybe one person I would slau...” PSY: (interrupting once again, suspected just for revenge) “Whatever let’s get this to my place.” (Points to chest) Lin: (angrily, unison) “What!” Gargen: (angrily, unison) “What!” Lin: “Why do you get to keep it?” PSY: (smugly) “I am the leader.” Gargen: “Leader, my pale white elven ass.”   They argued for a while longer, still sitting outside the cave, but eventually decide to split the loot and each go their separate ways, Widowmaker having no place to go, needed a temporary home. The rest of them eye one another when he mentions this and immediately starts playing; Shears, Parchment, Stone. PSY loses a resounding loss as he was the only one to throw parchment and the others both shears. So it was decided that Widowmaker would be staying with PSY for the time being. (Fade to black)