Between Witches and Wolves

Ellie I sigh as I unlock my apartment door and toss my things to the floor. The smell of dust and mildew flows over me. I really hate this apartment. My tiny apartment is barely big enough for a twin mattress, a microwave, a mini fridge, and a hot plate that I keep in the one cabinet in the room. The building itself was built in the late 1800s and is practically falling apart, but it’s the only place I can afford with the shitty pay from my job. It is 1:30 a.m., and I am just now getting home after working my third double shift this week. I am exhausted, but I really need the money. I drop onto my mattress and let out a groan while moonlight coats the room through the small window. I work as a waitress at a strip club just a block from my apartment. I hate the job, and I hate my sleazy boss, Tony, even more. Since I didn't get the chance to graduate high school, I have very few options for work in this small, aging town deep in rural Montana. It’s summer, and although the air is warm, a crisp breeze still drifts through the night air. My apartment is dusty and desperately needs to be cleaned. But when am I supposed to do that? I work from 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. every Wednesday through Sunday. On days like today, I get called in early at 11 a.m. for the lunch rush the club hosts during weekdays and occasional holiday Sundays. On Mondays and Tuesdays, I attend a GED class at the local library from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. The library is an hour-and-a-half walk from my apartment, but I am determined to find better work. Whenever I’m not working or in class, I study at the library. Even though I want nothing more than to fall asleep where I’m at, I can still smell cigarette smoke in my long brown hair, and the makeup caked on my face to cover my freckles is starting to really irritate my skin. I should at least take a shower in the community bathroom down the hall. I drag myself off the bed, gather clean clothes and a toothbrush, and head out, making sure to lock my apartment behind me. You never know who might be wandering around this place at this hour, and addicts breaking in to steal anything of value isn’t uncommon. The moment I enter the bathroom, the smell of mold and sewage hits me like a truck on a freeway. God, I wish they'd clean this place more often. It reeks every time I come in here, and there are always used needles on the floor. We could just bathe in the river, I hear a small voice suggest in my head. I shake my head and ignore it like I always do. I undress slowly, watching for needles on the floor, and step beneath the cold shower. The hot water is unreliable and only works about half the time. Oddly enough, the cold water feels refreshing. I always seem to run warmer than everyone else, and the cool water feels good against my skin. I wash away the cigarette smoke and makeup, taking special care to massage my head to relieve a headache I can feel building. I get dressed, brush my teeth, and make sure I have everything before I leave the bathroom. I like to spend as little time as possible in here if I can help it. I look in the mirror as I walk out and notice my necklace isn’t tucked into my shirt. I grasp the pendant and look at it fondly. It belonged to my father. You hear that? I hear the voice ask. I focus on my hearing, tuning into my surroundings. “This rundown place just needs to be torn down. Makes the whole town look like a dump.” I can hear a young woman laughing as she walks past the apartment building. “You know that's the only place the whores and addicts can live. Don't want them on the streets. At least they can stay hidden behind those walls.” There's another girl with her, laughing as well. Probably drunk from the sound of it. “Ugh.” I roll my eyes and sigh. “Just prissy college kids home for summer break. Relax.” Once I’m back safe inside my apartment, I check the time. Two in the morning. “Damn.” I need to be awake by six if I want to make it to my GED class by eight. Looks like I’ll be skipping dinner again tonight. Oh well. I plop onto my mattress and stretch out. “Try to relax, Ellie,” I tell myself. Six will be here before I know it. Suddenly, I feel my stomach churn and hear a loud growl. You really should eat, the small voice whimpers to me, followed by another growl and churn from my stomach. “Oh, shut it. I need to sleep more than I need to eat, or I won’t be able to stay awake during class tomorrow.” I know I haven't been eating well. I’m only five-foot-two and one hundred twenty-five pounds, but groceries are expensive, and I barely have time for meals anyway. It’s been this way ever since I was kicked out of my coven at sixteen. Since I hadn’t hit my growth spurt before my diet went to s**t, my growth has been stunted quite a bit. I reach for the herbal remedy I keep hidden away in the bottom of the cabinet next to my bed. Please don't do this. I promise I'll stay quiet! I hear the voice pleading with me. I pinch my nose and swallow the mixture before I can second-guess the decision. The mixture is something I learned to make while living with the coven. Being half witch, I know the basics of magic and potion-making. Alice, the woman who raised me, taught me the recipe before I left. I only have one spell book at home, and I learned everything I could from it long ago. If I ever want to improve my magic, though, I’ll need to learn much more about spells and potions. I was raised in the Crowton Coven after my mother died giving birth to me. Before she took her last breath, she named me Eleanor Sage Hartwell, placed me in the care of her best friend, Alice, and revealed the secret she'd kept from everyone. I was half wolf shifter. For generations, witches and wolf shifters had hated each other. While the wars between them had ended long ago, one rule remained unbreakable: A witch could never love a wolf. Their relationship was considered an unforgivable betrayal by both races. Knowing what would happen if anyone discovered the truth, my mother lied about who my father was. Her name was Martha Hartwell, though everyone called her Mary. She was only seventeen when she fell in love with a lone wolf warrior named Thomas Blackthorn from a neighboring pack near the mountains. They knew they were risking everything. They loved each other anyway. My father even gave my mother an obsidian pendant with his last name on it. He told her it was a symbol of him choosing her as his chosen mate. A few weeks after discovering she was pregnant, Thomas was killed in an accident. He died without ever knowing he was going to be a father. Heartbroken and terrified of being cast out of the coven, my mother made one desperate decision. She slept with her abusive ex-boyfriend, Sam, convincing everyone he was the father of her unborn child. It was the only way to hide the truth. At the same time, she began brewing powerful suppressor remedies designed to keep my wolf dormant after I was born. Alice was the only person who knew the truth. After my mother died, Alice kept her promise. Every week for sixteen years, she gave me the suppressor potion. She never told me what it really was. She simply said it was medicine I needed to stay healthy. I never questioned her. Everything changed when I turned sixteen. One week, I forgot to take the potion. A few days later, I began feeling... different. There was another heartbeat inside me. Another voice. Something alive stirred beneath my skin, filling me with emotions that weren't entirely my own. Curious, I stopped taking the potion altogether. Two weeks later, the full moon rose. I shifted. Where I had once stood was a massive chocolate-brown wolf with a silver underbelly and emerald-green eyes. I could hear my wolf's thoughts as clearly as my own. I felt her excitement, her freedom, her desperate need to run beneath the moonlight after sixteen years of being trapped. She wasn't a monster. She was part of me. But all I felt was terror. The transformation happened in the middle of a coven gathering. The room erupted into chaos. Witches screamed. Children cried. Some fled while others prepared spells, convinced I was about to attack them. I didn't. I ran. The next morning, the Elders made their decision. I was no longer welcome in the Crowton Coven. By sunset, I had been exiled to the human world with nothing more than a duffel bag of clothes, a handful of cash, and an old acoustic guitar Alice said had once belonged to my mother. I was sixteen years old. Alone. Homeless. I survived by playing music on street corners and in the town square, hoping strangers would toss enough money into my guitar case to buy dinner. Some nights, they did. Most nights, they didn't. The longer I stayed off the remedy, the stronger my wolf became. I was terrified of transforming again—or being discovered by other shifters—so I searched the forests for the herbs I needed and learned to make the remedy myself. Once I started taking it regularly, my wolf quieted down enough for me to blend into the human world. When I finally turned eighteen, I applied to work at the strip club as a waitress. Tony tried convincing me to become a dancer instead. He said there was high demand for short, petite girls who looked like they needed a strong man to take care of them. I refused. I still had my dignity. No man had ever seen my body, and I sure as hell wasn't about to sell it for a few extra dollars. Life has never been easy for me. Whenever the loneliness becomes too much to bear, I sometimes skip the remedy and let my wolf gain strength. Talking to my wolf always brings me comfort, even though it also terrifies me. Whenever she becomes strong enough for other shifters to scent her—or simply annoys me too much—I start taking the remedy again. I know I can't keep living this way forever. I know I will have to embrace that part of myself eventually. But as long as I can pass for human, I'll keep trying. Eventually, my wolf's voice fades into silence with a soft whimper. For the first time all night, I relax and allow sleep to pull me under. Hopefully, tonight the nightmares will leave me alone so I can actually get some rest.