His Secret Wife

Chapter 9

Coming

"Hija, ano ba 'yang ginagawa mo?"

Kanina pa natataranta si Manang habang pinapanood akong hinahakot ang mga damit ko at nilalagay sa aking maleta. Hindi niya alam kung pipigilan niya ba ako at susubukang pakiusapan o hahayaan niya na lang ako sa kagustuhan kong umalis dahil ito ang mas makakabuti sa aming dalawa ni Sean.

Naiirita ako sa pag-aayos dahil bawat punas ko sa luha ko'y mayroon nanamang mabubuo at hindi ko nakikita ng maayos ang aking ginagawa.

"Kailangan ko po 'tong gawin, Manang..." sabi ko na lang at nagpatuloy na sa ginagawang pag-iimpake ng mga gamit.

Siguro'y kung may maiiwan man ako, papabalikan ko na lang at ipapakuha dito.

"Alam ba 'to ng Daddy mo ha, Sandra?" tanong ni Manang sa akin. "Hintayin mo kaya muna ang asawa mo. Nag-away na naman ba kayo?"

"Hindi pa po alam ni Daddy. Sasabihin ko po kapag nakauwi na ako sa bahay," sabi ko naman at isinarado na ang zipper ng maleta. "Matagal ko na pong dapat ginawa 'to, Manang. Sinulit ko lang po yung pagkatanga ko. Para wala ng matira sa susunod."

"Sandra... Hija..." May halo ng pagmamakaawa sa boses ni Manang.

Napapikit ako ng mariin at umupo sa may dulo ng kama. Yumuko ako nang maramdaman ang sunod-sunod na pagpatak ng aking mga luha.

"Hindi ko na po kaya..." I cried. "Ayoko na po... Suko na po ako."

Lumapit si Manang sa akin. Itinabi niya sa gilid ang aking maleta upang makatabi siya sa akin. At nang magawa niya 'yon, walang pag-aatubili niya akong niyakap. Paulit-ulit lang siya sa paghagod ng likod ko at sa pag-alo sa akin.

I bursted crying, pouring out all of the pain that was kept inside my heart for a very long time, but I knew that a night of suffering wasn't for me to clear all the pain.

"Kung 'yan na talaga ang gusto mong mangyari at kung buong-buo na ang desisyon mo, hindi kita pipigilang umalis," sabi ni Manang habang patuloy sa paghagod sa aking likod. "Alam ko rin ang mga pinagdaanan mo bilang asawa niya at hindi kita masisisi sa gagawin mong hakbang. Kung saan ka masaya ay doon din ako."

Gumaang naman kahit papaano ang aking pakiramdam nang dahil sa sinabi sa akin ni Manang at nang humupa na ang aking emosyon ay hinayaan niya akong mapag-isa dito sa kwarto para makapag-isip hanggang sa huling sandali.

Napatingin naman ako sa malaking picture frame ng wedding photo namin ni Sean. Kahit pilit lang ang ngiti niya doon, it still means a lot to me. At least he made an effort to smile even just a little bit, right?

Naiinis ako sa sarili ko sa sobrang kababawan ko. Ganito ba talaga kapag sobrang mahal mo ang isang tao? Kahit ata pagsulyap lang ng isang segundo ay gagawin mong malaking bagay at abot-abot ang sayang mararamdaman mo.

But fate didn't want us together. Hindi niya man lang nabalik ng kahit konti lang ang sobra-sobrang pagmamahal na binigay ko sa kanya. Everything didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be—loving me the way I love him.

Napailing naman ako at inalis ang lahat nang pagdadalawang-isip. I should be firm with my decision.

Hinigit ko ang maleta papalapit sa akin. Papalabas na ako ng aming silid nang muli akong bumalik sa kama upang hagkan ang kanyang unan.

I bit my lower lip as another batch of tears fell.

"I'm going to miss you... so bad," I whispered at his pillow, thinking that it was a representation of Sean. "But I need to set you free."

Pumikit ako ng mariin. Nag-ipon ng lakas ng loob para bitawan ang unan ni Sean, kasabay ng pagbitaw ko sa lahat ng pag-asang binubuo ko sa puso ko. I should stop now. I should let go now.

Nang makababa na ako ay hinanap ko kaagad si Manang sa kusina ngunit wala siya doon. Naisip kong nasa kwarto niya siya. I want to say goodbye to her one last time pero naisip kong nauubusan na ako ng oras. Hindi ako dapat maabutan ni Sean dito. Maybe I'll just visit her tomorrow or... when I'm already ready to come back here.

Nagmamadali akong lumabas ng bahay ngunit para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig nang makita si Sean. He looked wasted with an unbuttoned shirt. His hair was even messy and his eyes were bloodshot. I was pretty sure that he was drunk but it was surprising that he didn’t bring home a girl.

Napatigil siya sa paglalakad nang mapansin niya ako sa kanyang harapan. Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa aking mukha ngunit unti-unti ring bumaba patungo sa aking hila-hilang maleta.

Why am I doing? Kailangan ko nang umalis.

Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kanya at nagmamadaling maglakad upang malagpasan ko siya.

"Sandra..." Dinig kong sambit niya sa aking pangalan na nagpatigil sa akin.

Wow... He didn't formally call me by my maiden surname and full first name but instead, he called me by my nickname. It sounded so sweet but my aching heart made it bitter. I shouldn't be moved.

Muli akong kumilos upang tuluyan nang makalabas nang muli siyang magsalita.

"D-Don't go..." He was stuttering but it was too clear for me to understand.

On a second thought, I think I don't really understand him. This is what he wants right? Ang gusto niya ay umalis ako so bakit ngayon ay pipigilan niya ako?

"Don't go..." ulit niya. Ngayon ay mas malinaw na.

Binitawan ko ang aking maleta upang lingunin siya. Tumambad naman agad sa akin ang kanyang namumungay at mamula-mulang mga mata.

It pained me to see him like that.

"This is it, Sean," panimula ko. "I'm finally setting you free. Kung iniisip mo ang sasabihin ng mga magulang natin, you don't have to worry about it. I'll explain everything to them. I'll take all the blame. Ano pa ba’ng kailangan mo ha?" matapang kong tanong sa kanya.

He was taken aback with what I said. Maybe he thinks that I'd run back to his arms, the moment he said those triggering words.

"You," he suddenly said while capturing my gaze with his. "I need you."

Halos sabunutan ko na ang sarili ko sa sobrang pagkagulo ng isipan ko.

"Ayoko na, Sean! Huwag mo nang guluhin pa ang isipan ko!"

I could feel that my neck veins were almost popping out because of too much frustration.

"Ito na nga oh... Papakawalan na nga kita eh,” sabi ko sa kanya. “Bakit kailangan mo pang guluhin ang desisyon ko?"

Alam ko sa sarili kong isang beses niya pang sabihin na huwag akong umalis ay bibigay ako at muling magpapakatanga sa kanya.

He didn't speak, instead he walked towards me. I was about to step back when he reached for my cheek which he covered with his warm and calloused hand. Pinunasan niya rin ang luhang naglalakbay sa aking pisngi gamit ang kanyang thumb finger.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry if I've been a jerk and an asshole husband. I'm sorry if I've been so blind."

Para akong napako sa kinatatayuan ko ng marinig ko ang sinabi niya.

Did he just ask for forgiveness?

I scanned his face to find sincerity and when I looked straight into his eyes, I found them... and there was even more.

"Sean..." I was lost for words.

"Nabulag ako ng galit ko sa'yo, Sandra. Marrying you deprived me so many things that I want to do in my life. Nang dahil sa'yo nasira ang lahat ng plano ko para sa sarili. That's why I loathe you so much," he started explaining his side. "Every time I see you making efforts for me, lagi kong pinapaalala sa sarili ko ang mga nasira kong pangarap nang dahil sa'yo. I always tell myself that I shouldn't fall for you."

His eyes became a pool of tears. Konting-konti na lang ay babagsak na ang mga luhang naipon doon. Thinking that those tears are for me, makes my heart melt.

"Ang lakas-lakas ng loob kong sabihin sa'yo ang mga bagay na makakapagpasakit sa'yo. Lagi kong dini-divert sa ibang babae ang atensyon ko dahil sinasabi ko nga sa sarili ko na hinding-hindi ako mahuhulog sa'yo," sabi niya. "But my heart suddenly became confused with everything, Sandra. Simula noong narinig kitang may kausap na lalaki sa phone, I don't know. Bigla akong naguluhan. I was able to feel emotions that I didn't want to feel. During the photoshoot... seeing the model you're with... bigla akong natakot."

"When it comes to you before, I wasn't even shaken at all because I know that you love me. That's why I didn't care. But when somebody stepped inside the picture, I was suddenly scared. Scared because I'm jealous. My jealousy turned into irrelevant anger that triggered me to say things that would make you want to go..." he explained his feelings. "And here you are... ready to go. Ready to finally leave me when I finally realized that you're the one I want."

His hand reached for mine. He squeezed it gently and made me look at our hands.

"Nung sinabi mong hindi mo kaya; Nung sinabi mong ayaw mo na..." He trailed. "I didn't know what to do. Gusto kitang sundan pero ako mismo naguguluhan sa sarili ko. Hindi ko rin alam ang sasabihin ko sa'yo. I know that I'm wrong... I reflected on myself. I didn't treat you the way you're supposed to be treated. I'm an asshole husband who f****d almost every girl in town because I'm not ready to face the truth that... that I already fell for you."

He bit his lower lip as he gazes into my eyes. Hinawakan niya rin ang isa ko pang kamay. Sobrang higpit na nang pagkakahawak niya. It was so tight that I couldn't even let go.

"Please, my wife... don't leave me," he begged and his voice broke. "I'll make it up to you. We'll make new memories together. Let's start all over again, Sandra, please... just don't... just don't leave me."

The rain suddenly poured out of nowhere.

Sean immediately covered me up from the rain. He hugged me while walking me to the front porch kung saan makakasilong kaming dalawa.

I wouldn't let our relationship mimic the rain. I would give him a second chance. I slowly raised my arms to hug him back. And when I did, his body stiffened.

"I won't leave you..." I whispered.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapangiti. I had been dreaming of this kind of moment with him for years and it was finally happening.

He released me from his hug. He stared at me like it was his last time seeing me. He softly touched my cheek and I closed my eyes, feeling his tenderness.

His thumb moved it's way to my lips. I opened my eyes and found him staring at my lips.

And when the thunder growled, our lips touched. The feel of his lips felt so different from what I had experienced, the first time he kissed me. Before it was rough, but right now, his lips are soft like cotton balls. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay nasa ulap ako habang kahalikan ko siya.

His kisses got deeper and I tried my best upang masabayan ang kanyang paghalik sa akin. He nibbled my lower lip and groaned when I tried to slip my tongue inside his mouth. I want to make him happy tonight.

Our lips didn't part when he lifted me up from the ground. Tangan-tangan niya ang aking pang-upo habang ako nama'y tinali ang aking braso sa kanyang leeg upang hindi ako mahulog.

I knew that he was strong enough to hold me but I wanted to make it easier for him.

The next thing I knew, we were already inside our room. He was kissing me passionately and gently. The kind of gentleness from him that I had never felt before.

I grabbed his nape and pulled him closer to me. I could already feel his proud manliness hitting my center core.

He stopped and removed his clothes. Hindi na rin siya nag-aksaya pa ng panahon at tinanggal din ang aking dress. He sucked my breast played with my n****e using his tongue.

"Sean..." I moaned his name because of the tingling sensation that I'm feeling.

His kisses showered me starting from my lips, going down to my soft spot. He removed my undies at napasinghap ako ng hinalikan niya ako doon.

"You're so wet..." he said, huskily at nakita kong sumilay ang ngisi sa kanyang labi before he continued to make me feel good.

As much as I wanted to feel his tongue playing with my c**t more, I also wanted to make him feel good. Hindi pwedeng ako lang.

Nagsumikap akong bahagyang bumangon upang abutin ang kanya.

Napatigil siya. "Sands..." he moaned my name and it made me more excited.

Paulit-ulit kong hinagod ang kanya habang binabago ang posisyon naming dalawa.

I bit my lower lip when I came face to face with his proud glory.

I licked the tip of his glans and he groaned in pleasure. I savoured all of him, making my mouth capture his stick and licking it simultaneously.

Hindi pa ako tapos sa aking ginagawa ay nagulat ako nang bigla niya ulit binaligtad ang aming pwesto.

He carefully parted my legs, positioning himself in the center. Ready to bolt in.

Unlike last time, he was more careful. Mukhang pinapakiramdaman niya pa ako bago niya unti-unting pinasok ang kanya sa akin. It still hurt like hell but last time was more painful. The pain was bearable lalo na at mas angat ang nararamdaman kong galak.

"You're so tight, wife..." nahihirapan niyang sabi.

He stopped when he already fully entered inside me. He waited a few more seconds before moving in and out. I could feel him growing bigger and bigger inside me with every thrust that he was doing.

We kept our slow phase for minutes, pleasuring each other slowly when Sean suddenly fastened up the rhythm.

"I'm..." He let out a deep breath. "... coming."

Binagsak niya ang kanyang katawan sa akin at kasabay noon ang naramdaman kong init na bumubuga sa loob ko.

"Don't leave me, okay?" he tiredly said and kissed my forehead. "I'm very sorry..." he added before he closed his eyes, drifting to sleep.