Forbidden Lessons On Ice

*** MIA *** You know how they say a girl’s big day is her wedding day? That that’s the day we girls are raised mostly to be nervous about, not even a first date compared to it? Well, I would have to disagree because for me, the biggest day of my life was today. My soul actually left my body the day I was told about today, which was four days ago, so you can imagine being a walking body with no soul. I never bothered with my eyebrows before; never cared about how I looked, let alone worried about my clothes. Usually I’m like a tomboy, a girl who can wake up at seven and be ready in five minutes. But today wasn’t that day because today, Ryan, my boyfriend, finally invited me to one of those frat boys parties he and his friends threw, and I was determined, very determined, to make an impression. The whole week, I even missed tests. I prepared for this day and bought new clothes even with my last coins. In my head, I was sure Ryan would lose his mind when he saw me. Leaving my dorm room, I was confident. I even smiled actually for the first time in a long time, but my smile vanished when I reached the college's backyard where the party was held and everyone stopped and looked at me with judgy eyes as always. They didn’t need to say anything. They’d said enough just by looking at me, and of course the past words never left me. I could hear whispers, people clearly wondering what I was doing there. But for once I was confident. At least I wasn’t in the normal boring clothes. At least I let my hair loose today. I was here for Ryan, and for that, even when every part of me screamed that I should leave, I didn’t. It almost worked. I almost took another step toward the tent where I imagined Ryan was when I spotted the queen bee, Sienna, Ryan’s best friend’s girlfriend and also my sworn enemy. Now, as always, I tried to avoid her when she started coming toward me. I was proving a point, so I didn’t run. I mean, even if I could try, her maniacs would have caught me. “Well, well, well,” she said, her fingers playing with a strand of her hair. “Look who decided to crawl out of the library?” She teased, and the maniacs behind her laughed like they always did. Only God knows what Sienna was paying them. Scratch that, Sienna was the cheer captain and very popular. That was all she gave them. Popularity, just like any other student in college, is more valuable than money. “And what is she wearing? A sweater? Does this look like a costume party?” One of the maniacs teased, raking her eyes all over me. It was a little chilly; that’s why I put on the sweater. “Even costume parties have standards, Gina,” Sienna snapped. “You’re right. Who even invited her here?” The girl, Gina, said. Before I could reply, trying to stay out of trouble as always and asking if they knew where I could find Ryan, one of the maniacs grabbed me by my collar and pulled me toward Sienna so that I was facing her now. Before I could register anything, I felt a sting on my left cheek, then another, and another, leaving me mumbling. “Do you want another one?” Sienna asked. She was now removing her rings, and I was not in the position to hold my cheek, but it burnt so badly that I felt tears well up in my eyes. Some even spilled. Yes, this wasn’t new. I expected this. Only I thought Ryan would be with me. I mean, wherever Sienna was, I was always going to get a beating. Where the f**k was that Ryan even? I tried to look around. One thing: Sienna’s father was the college’s dean, so whenever she did this, people always minded their business. Just like right now, no one seemed to care that Sienna was yet again having her friends beat me while she watched. “Please let me go,” I pleaded. “I’m only here because Ryan invited me,” I added, my voice already cracking. Heavens, I don’t even know why she hated me so much. I’ve never done anything to her since I got to this college. All I’ve done is be on my own, but well, bullies never need a reason, do they? “Oh, we should let you go? No, not now. I haven’t even touched you yet,” she mocked, my trembling tone. It was this time that she tried to hit me again when someone finally stepped between us, and I’ve never been so relieved. “What’s happening here?!” It was then that I looked up and saw that the person standing between us was Ryan, my man. I was almost relieved, until I saw the person beside him: Axel. If you’ve ever wondered what an asshole is, then wonder no more because I’m about to introduce you to one. Standing tall and cursing people to get back to the party was Axel. Damp golden hair falling into his eyes, a serious expression, thin lips pressed tightly, he was in his practice jersey, but even then you could see the muscles tensing as he spoke. Axel was Sienna in a male’s body. Just like her, he bullied me with every chance he got, calling me all sorts of names, hitting my hands so my books could fall just so I could bend to pick them and he would kick me right in the ass. Well, I didn’t think it was possible, but I hated him even more than I did her. And the fact that the two were dating made him even worse. For that, I crowned him the perfect asshole. “I asked you a question, Mia. What’s going on?” Ryan asked again, snapping me out of my head. At this point my tears were near because of relief. I was about to throw myself in his arms when he shrugged, asking what I was wearing. “You’re not going to ask if I'm okay?” I asked, looking around and seeing that everyone, including Sienna and her maniacs, was back to partying. “I know what happened, Mia. Now tell me, what the hell do you think you’re wearing? Couldn’t you find a better skirt? And the jersey…” He used his fingers to lift the oversized sleeve. “Okay, I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t.” “What?” I was so confused. What couldn’t he do anymore? “I’m tired of telling you how to be a girl. I’m tired of you always embarrassing me. Tell me…” He actually started pacing around right there, hand running through his hair. “Why do I have to keep doing this when I can actually date a girl who really wants to be a girl?” “Ryan, please. Can’t you see I tried tonight?” “Yes, Mia, tried. You always try, and I’m f*****g tired of it,” he said, raising his voice. That actually caught a few people’s eyes. “It’s like you were raised by your dad.” He added, and that’s when I felt salt in my mouth and realised my face was covered in my tears. I was crying. Probably this pain and shock had overwhelmed me that I didn't realise it. “Ryan…” I tried to wipe my tears. “Can we talk somewhere private?” I was already a laughing stock. If he went where I suspected he was going, I would be the trending topic for the next week, even at other colleges. “Oh, you actually think I can be with you in private after this?” he laughed. “I’m done, Mia. I’m done!” He screamed the last words and then spat before turning around and walking away, leaving me there ashamed, with my heart beating crazily. It made my chest hot. Ryan had just broken up with me, and everyone had just heard it. No, not only heard it, some were recording, and that… I don’t even know what to say. I couldn’t move. There were a lot of people. They were saying things I couldn’t hear. Some were taking pictures, laughing. None of them seemed to feel my pain at all, and that made me start moving backward, keeping my eyes on them as it made me feel a sense of confidence. “I would literally die if a guy ever broke up with me like that.” Those are the only words that my brain caught, those and a hundred more negative ones. Just as I almost turned around to run back to my room, I slipped and boom, I was in the pool. My sweater was dragging me down, and honestly? I was letting it. Because here’s the thing: I couldn’t swim. And really, after that whole scene, being humiliated and dumped, 'living' was a word that was foreign, as I didn’t even try to cough out the water. I didn’t even try to stay afloat. I simply just closed my eyes and let my fate be.