Bittersweet (English)

CHAPTER 26

“That’s not what I wanted to hear,” Mykel sounded dead.

Their argument was going intense earlier that it became awkward how they suddenly went quiet. The silence was deafening. 

Kaye curled up in her seat. She wanted to leave but at the same time, she didn’t want to. 

Moments passed and she heard rustling noises. Mykel walked to the vending machine across them. The sound of metal occupied the silence. Then his soft footsteps moved closer. 

Kaye felt a gentle tap of something warm on her arm. She shut her eyes firmly before looking up.

Mykel fixed his eyes on her. Somehow, it was difficult to look away.

For a while, they drank in peace. She drank almost half of her hot chocolate when Mykel finally broke the silence.

“I don’t know why I haven’t given up yet. All I know is I love you. And losing you was a huge blow.”

Kaye couldn’t come up with words. She wasn’t the advocate for broken hearts and healing. Her eyes were puffy from crying. Her voice was even rasping. And her body was still trembling. 

She was preoccupied with her feelings that she failed to consider Mykel's feelings. 

“I’ve been patient up to this point but I don’t know anymore,” Mykel added and smirked. He was feeling sorry for himself for showing such a vulnerable side. “I mean, the same woman I have loved all these years dumped me for the third time. So I guess no one can blame me if I get depressed.”

“I’m sorry, Mykel.”

Mykel uttered a deep sigh. “Still not the words I wanted to hear.” He shot the empty can to the nearest trash can. Then he looked back to her. “I know you still love me, Kaye. Why do you keep running away?”

Still, Kaye was silent. Her mind was blank from the outburst they had earlier. 

Mykel continued with his monologue. “Can’t we just move on and forget about that? I played along with you during our unexpected reunion years ago. Because I know you didn’t want to discuss it. Neither have we told anyone at home about our relationship. Looking back, I don’t understand why we kept it a secret.”

Kaye buried her face back to her hands. She remembered. It was because of her that no one in town knew about them being together. Especially living together after graduation. 

She insisted on it since she wasn’t ready to tell Macy. More like she didn’t have the chance to return home. If they inform them of their relationship, she wanted both of them to be there personally. But it was all over before they had a chance to do it.

“Do you recall the first time I confessed to you?”

She jolted as Mykel took her hand and held it tight. He leaned on her shoulders as he reminisced the lost memories.

“We were in our last year of high school. You didn’t give it much thought. You rejected me right away. And I still don’t know until now why you rejected me the first time when you said you loved me all along.”

Mykel held on to her cheek forcing her to face him. Yet she averted her gaze. She had enough looking at his eyes. Even with what went on earlier, her heart kept on throbbing like a teenage girl.

“Since we’re here now. Why not tell me the reason?” 

It’s unfair! She shut her eyes tightly before facing him. 

Kaye shuddered. Just like before, she was weak to his gentle side. She felt like her determination melted away. Slowly. From his soft charming voice.

“I was young then. Immature. I didn’t know how to deal with the fact that my one-sided love became mutual.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Mykel smirked. His eyes lit up hearing her finally responding. “But why reject me flat out though?”

“I felt lost. I was used to keeping those feelings to myself. I never wanted to confess. I was satisfied just having you around. Talking. Eating with you. Playing video games. I was scared that those times would change or worse disappear. So to speak, I wasn’t ready to deal with all the emotions and responsibility of a relationship.”

“You know, I’ve hated that part of you. You always think that you’d be facing everything on your own. Not relying on anyone. Too much independence, if I may say.”

Kaye couldn’t deny that. Even Macy had the same problems with her according to Jenny. 

“You think it will make things easy for us if you stood on your own, do you?” Mykel sounded like he could read her mind. “But it just makes us more worried. You think of things seriously and you wanted to deal with them yourself. However, in the end, you tend to overthink until you give up like it didn’t have any meaning to you.”

“Of course not!” Without warning, Kaye stood up. She raised her voice in annoyance. She was aware of her pessimistic side. She had been anxious all her life. But to be told in the face was triggering. 

Her mother forgot her existence after her father died. She cried all the time calling her but to no avail. She would tug her shirt every time she wanted her to at least glance at her. But she got fed up with her and just shut herself in her room. Until her health deteriorated. 

When her mother died, she felt like being demanding made her a bad child enough to be left by her mother. Even when she was living with Macy, she was skeptical. So as much as possible, she wouldn’t ask for anything. 

“Tell me then. Are you giving me up? You’ve never been honest with yourself all this time. You never asked for anything even if you wanted it. You’ll keep on saying yes to whatever was handed to you.”

Kaye kept pulling her hand away. Trying forcefully to take her hand away from his grasp. But Mykel won’t budge. Who knew being honest to yourself was so hard?

“Even our relationship. You decided about us yourself. You never relied on me. You just leave it all behind if you can’t handle the situation. Do I mean so little to you that you’d just throw me away like that?”

She turned to him. Her lips pressed in anger. “You’re being unfair. I have readied myself for a life of loneliness. What I did was inexcusable. So I kept thinking I have to face the reality that eventually you’ll marry someone else. Or even leave town.”

“Kaye, I’ve felt like this since I was six. I have persistently kept myself beside you whenever there’s a chance. And as you can see, being dumped for the third time didn’t change the fact that I still love you. So do you think these feelings would ever go away?”

Kaye stopped struggling. Over and over again, Mykel reminded her how cherished she was. But would those feelings be enough to bury her regrets?

“No one has a perfect existence. We all messed up somewhere in our lives. Do you think there’s a person in the world who had nothing to hide? We’re all hiding our faults.” Mykel added and held both of her hands. 

Kaye sobbed. This time, his gentle voice mended the severed distance between them. She felt weak from the struggles she did all this time. 

In her weakness, she clung to him. Allowing herself to be trapped in his warm embrace. He comforted with his caress. He hugged her hard. Like how he was supposed to when they met again two years ago. 

“Neither of us can have the best of both worlds. No one can. All we can do is do our best and accept whatever the heavens gave us.”

“Why--- why? I don’t deserve you,” Kaye uttered in between sobs. His love was wonderful yet painful. She would be forever haunted by those regrets.

“I love you. Isn’t that enough?”

She lifted her head from his chest. His shirt was drenched from her tears. His tone was calm yet his eyes were smiling. His eyes and expression. It had always been the same look he’d given her since they were kids. He wasn’t lying about loving her since he was six.

“Mykel---. I never stopped loving you.”

Honesty was refreshing. Her actions made it clear that she never wanted to be apart from him. Ever again.

Mykel laughed seeing her messed-up face. He wiped the tears with the end of his sleeves. Her eyes were bright red and puffy. This would last until tomorrow. Surely, Jenny and the people from the cafe would be curious as to what happened.

“I love you. I love you,” Kaye kept tearing up despite Mykel’s efforts to comfort her.

It was clear as day that Kaye was affected greatly when Mykel walked out on her despite her best efforts to defend herself. The past and the present would serve as a foundation to support their relationship onwards. 

“Yes. I love you, too. We’ll do our best, alright?”

Kaye nodded her head in response. The weight on her back was lighter now. Although they couldn’t change the past, what was important now was the present and their future. This time she wouldn’t be alone.