Her Broken Rainbow

Dear My Closest Friend

“Dear my closest friend 

I’m writing because 

I miss you so much” 

~Dear My Closest Friend

Flyleaf

Alaria and I sang along to every song that played, all of us having similar tastes in music. Skylar and I worked as a team, he did anything higher than I could reach and I did everything from the top of my arm span to the floor. Which wasn’t a lot. We finished one wall and were just starting the second with all the windows. I felt his hand brush past my shoulder sending little shocks down to my fingertips. Just as I turned to my left to poke him in the stomach, his hand came around from my right and smeared paint across the right side of my face. “I told you I’d get back at you.” He chuckled low which turned into hysterics when I turned around and open mouth gaped at him. Alaria started snapping off pictures as everyone else was doubled over laughing at my expense. Oh b***h, it’s on. With a quickness I snatched up the nearest roller “No baby boy, this is payback.”  I rolled it from his hairline to neck, down Skylar’s face. 

“Oh it’s on.” His arm swings out and wraps around my waist and drags me into his hard chest. Wiping his face across mine, he rubs the paint all over me, ultimately spreading the mess across us both. I spot the tray of purple paint I was using for the roller and dip my hand into it before reaching up and rubbing the back of his head and neck. It becomes a huge paint war, every man or woman for themselves. Once we calmed down it only took another hour before we were completely done with the whole room. Shay and Zoe showed up just as we started cleaning up the floor. While we all went to clean as much of ourselves up as we could,  the two girls replaced the plastic with fresh so that I could come back tomorrow if the paint dries fully and start the tree. We all head down to the kitchen for late lunch. 

“I have the best idea!” Zoe jumps up excitedly. “Alaria, when did you say your parents are returning from their trip?” 

“Not until Friday, they’ll be here for dinner the night before we all leave for Florida.” 

We’re all planning a trip out to Florida to spend a week out there, 3 days for Universal studios, because theme park, and the others will probably be at the beach or exploring. Colorado sucks in January so we needed to get away. Besides, it won't be as hot or busy as it usually is in the summer. Less lines to wait through. Nick had invited Zach, Skylar and Justin, another one of their football buddies I guess. Alaria had invited Zoe, Shay and myself. It was their parent’s New Year's gift to them. One trip to anywhere for a week to be used at any time of the year. Though I’m not materialistic usually, I’m terribly happy my best friend is rich. Perks. 

“Why did you ask?” Alaria shoots back at Zoe. “We should have a sleepover! We can use the theater and throw a bunch of blow up beds in there and camp out with snacks, movies and games!” She says excitedly. The boys grumble a little about how girly sleepovers are. But I’m so down for it! 

“Let’s do it! I’m in.” I say

“Me too.” Skylar was quick to jump in after me. I tried hard not to look at him, wanting to play it cool like that didn’t just excite me even a little. 

“Yeah, I guess that would be fun! We can order pizza and binge watch horror movies!” Zach chimed in. 

“You just want to get the girls scared so you can swing in and protect them.” Nick said using finger quotes at the end. 

“Hey, I can’t help it, they need a strong man to protect them from scary stuff.” Zach flexed his muscles for all to see. 

“Put the gun show away boy, no one needs your protection. It’s the 21st century, Ladies are not incapable anymore.” Shay proudly puffs her chest in a show of strength. 

“Come on guys, be nice. What Zach is trying to say is he needs someone big and strong to hold him during the scary scenes. Isn’t that right Zachy Zach.” I gently pat his hand in a motherly fashion. 

“He snatches his hand back, “Yeah right Rae, you know you wanna snuggle up close to all this steamy hotness.” 

“Steamy pile of s**t is more like it.” 

“Ouch that was mean!” He feigns hurt. Laughing at him we all finish our lunch and head off to the store to get stuff for homemade pizzas and snacks. 

******

We split up into groups, Zach and Nick went to look for games and stuff as they didn’t have much at their house. Alaria, Zoe and Shay went to get blankets, pillows and blow up mattresses. We only needed 5. The boys would each get their own and the girls would share 2 to a bed. That left Skylar and I to get the snacks and pizza fixings. I was checking out the different pre-sheredded cheeses when fingers slowly stroked up from the bottom of my spine just above my ass all the way up to the nape of my neck. His fingers trace back down the way they came up. Concentrate woman, you’re looking at cheeses, for the pizza, remember? Mentally scolding myself I attempt to focus on the choices in front of me. His fingers start again, slowly gliding from the bottom back up to the top, tracing lazy circles and then back down. You can do this Rae, concentrate. Do the guy’s like cheddar or mozzarella? His fingers travel back again and it sends a shiver through my body and I know he noticed. I’m acutely aware of his presence behind me. Looming over me like a dark sexy cloud. I step forward trying to create some space and grab a couple large bags of each cheese. Sparing a glance up at him I suddenly realize how we must look shopping together. I’m still in my paint stained leggings and tank while Sky’s in jeans and a black t-shirt with paint smears all over us. “You pull off the handyman look quite well” I said to him, He looked between us and started chuckling. 

“Maybe that’s my calling.” He says back with a wink. 

“Just because you look the part doesn’t mean you’d be good at it.” I scoff at him. He laughs a bit more as we move on to get the crust for the pizza. Going with pre-made cause we’re still sorta lazy. We turn into the aisle with the spaghetti and pizza sauces when I feel his hand slide into mine, interlacing our fingers together. I didn’t make a move to untangle our hands and let him continue to push the cart while holding my hand. This felt oddly domesticated and yet so right. I never thought this would be me. Walking in a grocery store with my boyfriend getting things for dinner. Wait … no, not boyfriend. Not going there Rae, keep your head on right and stop fantasizing. Happiness is for those who are good. I’m not good. I let him die. Ozzy will never feel life the way that I can. It’s selfish of myself to think I deserve this when he’s 6 feet under and will never know what it feels like to fall in love. I don’t deserve to. 

“What’s on your mind, baby girl?” He squeezed my hand a little, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

“Nothing, just thinking about the tree and how I’m going to do it.” I mastered hiding my stress for a lot of people, Anthony being the exception. I’ve even fooled my mother into thinking I’ve accepted it and moved forward. I haven’t and I don’t think I ever will. At least it doesn’t feel like I can. 

“So was that lie aimed at yourself or me? Because I didn’t believe it.” He stopped moving, causing me to turn around and look at him. His face was serious and concerned. I wanted to continue the lie, to tell him he’s misreading the situation. Say that there’s nothing truly wrong, that this isn’t my panicked face, just my thinking man pose. A joke to break the tension. Anything except letting the tear, that escaped on its own accord, fall for him to see. Before I even realize what’s happening his arms are around me and the tears keep falling. Stop them, don’t let him see you are broken. I chant to myself hoping to get a grip. We stood there in silence for a bit before Zoe’s voice rang out, “Marco!” 

Sky uses his shirt to wipe my tears and help me compose myself. “Pollo!” He calls back once he knows I’m alright. “I hope we’ll talk about this later. I’m here for you, you know that right?” He says but this time low enough so our approaching friends don’t hear him. 

“Got everything for the pizza? Snacks? Drinks?” Alaria comes up from the other end of the aisle. 

“Duh, you have everything else ready?” She nods and we set off to find the other boys. 

After everything is paid for we load into the cars and head back to Alaria’s house. Us girls get started on making the pizzas while the guys set up the theater room. I engrossed myself in putting together the snacky snacks, trying to forget all about the mini episode I had at the store. It helps to occupy my mind to keep the thoughts at bay. I can’t let anyone know my pain. It’s mine and mine alone to bear. I don’t need to drag anyone else down with my baggage. Better to keep it in. I hate the pity in their eyes when they see me start to fall. I will not crumble. I will not fall. I will not let him win nor fill my head with negativity. I’ve given him so much of myself emotionally, I can’t let him win. I am a survivor, I will not give up. If Destiny’s Child can do it, so can I.