Her Broken Rainbow

Praying

“You brought the flames and you put me through hell 

I had to learn how to fight for myself 

And we both know all the truth I could tell 

I’ll just say this is “I wish you farewell” 

~Praying 

Kesha 

“This is the card he sent with them. He’s getting out on my birthday. We have a little over a month until then. I couldn’t sleep last night and I feel miserable. I just want to run and never look back.” I told them everything from getting home to waking up this morning. The looks on all their faces tells me they're just as panicked as I am. He’s getting out soon, and he’s coming for me. What am I supposed to do? 

“Don’t worry about it love, we have time and we have the boys. My parents will be more than willing to hire you a body guard and I’m almost positive that they'll insist if not just force you to take a bodyguard.” Alaria tries to reassure me. 

“No, I don’t want a bodyguard. I’m not helpless. I can’t let this push me back into scared little Raenn. I’m stronger than that. We will all sit down with the guys and talk this out but for now let's just go on our vacation and pretend for a week that this isn’t an issue. It doesn’t exist and right now he’s not a blip in our lives.” I all but begged them. 

“Look Rae.” Zoe grabs my hand. “I know you want to forget about this for the vacation. Lord knows we all want to. But we can’t hold off until we get back to tell the guys. Since we’ll all be together tonight, let’s tell them and get it over with. This way you don’t have to dread coming back and reliving the whole thing. Get it out of your system and tomorrow morning when we wake up it’ll be on the back burner resting calmly with no anxiousness nor fear. I speak for everyone when I say, you’re not alone. We got you. I promise to do everything in my power to make sure you stay safe.” 

I can’t see very well as everything is blurry from the big elephant tears threatening to fall. I feel Shay’s arms wrap around me from my right and two hands grab both of mine. “Shh, don’t cry love. We’ve got you. We won't let anything happen to you.” Shay coos and gently rocks me. I couldn’t hold them in. I silently cried into Shay’s shoulder while sitting in a restaurant in public. I cried out the last of the pain that overcame me less than 12 hours ago. When there were no more tears, the waitress finally came over and took our order. If you ever get a chance, I highly recommend the Greek Burrito. It’s the best thing I’ve ever eaten. As we eat our breakfast we talk about the upcoming vacation itinerary. The rest of our meal was spent laughing and forgetting all the negativity that is Carson. 

We decided on a pamper ourselves day so that we can look our best for Florida. I love getting my nails done, it’s calming and the clicky sound when I tap my nails on solid surfaces is just the greatest. I decided on getting short tipped, stiletto style acrylics, black with rainbow colors splattered across the nail. With my hands finished I sit in the chair for a pedicure. I love when they do the small foot massage with the lotions to soften your skin. My body releases all remaining negativity this way. This lady must have known because she took her time rubbing in the foot lotion stuff they use, I’m not complaining. 

“Now, How about we talk about that cute hunk of man you got hooked on?” Alaria leaned back in her chair, completely enjoying the foot soak. 

“He is good looking isn’t he.” I replied. 

“Good looking? Girl you have one hot piece of ass right at your fingertips! Good looking is an insult.” Shay said over Zoe’s head. 

“You’re right. Man I get primal when he’s around. I’ve never had anyone make me question my virginity the way he does.” I huff. This isn’t the first attraction I’ve had, it’s just the first one that makes me want to throw my v-card at and open a tab. Every time I think of kissing Skylar, my loins scream at me that they need action. I want to but I’m too scared that I’m so inexperienced it won't be enjoyable for him. I don’t want to fumble around like an i***t. “It’s just…” 

“No, don’t do that thing where you second guess yourself. You need to let your hair down and live a little Rae!” Zoe had a point but it didn’t ease my self conscious thoughts. 

“Alright so it’s settled then. We’ll plan a night during our vacation, we’ll take the boys out and leave you two, to have a lovely night at the hotel.” Alaria declared matter of factly. “You need lingerie and a new perfume.” 

“Wait, why a new perfume? I like what I use.” I defend. 

“Rae, Tommy Girl was cute when we were like 15. You have to get with the times and try something new, something risky.” I don’t know about all that but I’m sticking to my Tommy Girl. I’m not one for the new scents they come out with. They’re too heavy in certain areas, like too floraly or too chemically scented. They stink. “I’ll agree to let you pick out some lingerie but I will not cave with my perfume. I love my perfume. There’s nothing better.” 

“Fine. But that means you have to blindly accept what we buy for you. Deal?" Alaria holds her hand out to me. Hesitantly I take her hand. What am I getting myself into? And all for a perfume probably older than me. f**k. 

******

After the salon we decided on going to cherry creek mall for a little shopping. I try to immerse myself browsing around in each store we stop at. I get a few blouses here and there and a new Batman t-shirt from Hot topic along with some piercing rings. We make our way slowly through the mall before we finally end up in front of Victoria Secret. Great. 

“Alright, are there any decisions you would like to make before you are fully at our mercy?” Alaria turns to me and asks. Well, since she asked..”Yes I do! NO thongs, No thin anything that looks like tooth floss covering absolutely nothing. No weird s**t. Last, absolutely no crotch-less anything. No.” 

“Alright. We will pick a few things out and you wait on the couches by the dressing rooms and we’ll bring them for you to try on. You will not know what we end up picking until after it’s purchased. Now go sit down.” 

Zoe pushes me towards the couches and forces me to sit before she bounds off with the other two in search of something hopefully not sleezy or trashy. I turned on the couch so I could look over the back and watch them pick out silk and lace that will no doubt cover absolutely nothing and I’m not sure I’m ready for this. I’m already regretting this and we haven’t even tried anything on. Maybe I shouldn’t be watching them pick stuff. Shay is looking at a negligee that is completely see through, basically thin red thread in a cute floral design. I really will 100% not be trying that on in front of anyone let alone my best friends. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve gotten ready together for parties in high school and the sort. But I’m not walking out in nothing but a red spider web. Maybe that’s dramatic, but still I’m not doing that. Nope. Alaria is looking through some green silk nighties. They’re cute, could possibly be my style. I find myself kind of rooting for her to pick it. Zoe is looking through two piece sets, she had a black crochet lace bra top & panties set and I may have already picked that as my choice. I grab my phone and text her asking her if that set comes in any other color. 

Zoe: “OMG! Are you making requests?” 

Rae: “Maybe. What colors?” 

Zoe: “Dark blue, forest green, red and black.” 

Rae: “a green set and a black…. please. “ 

Zoe: “I knew you’d cave. Virgin my ass.” 

Rae: “Jealous I held out longer than you?” 

Zoe: “Shut up and turn back around. No peeping!” 

I look up from my phone to see her standing there one hand on hip, tapping her foot with a look of do as I say now. I flip her off and turn back towards the dressing cubicles, crossing my arms and pouting. A few minutes later they return with so many nighties and two piece sets. I don’t know if we even have time to try all these on! 

“Alright, here’s how this is going to work. We’re going to give you a few of the ones we really like and then you can go through the rest if you see anything you like.” Alaria says. 

“I’ve already picked something out. Zoe has it.” Zoe hands them the sets I asked for. 

“Oh I like these, they are so cute. Ok I see your style showing. I can work with this. Here, start with these three. Show us everything that you're comfortable with.” Alaria hands me a few lacy items and ushers me off into the dressing room. The first one was a dark blue lace quarter cup garter chemise. It’s cute and fits me like a glove. I do a few turns in the mirror, deciding if I fully love it. Taking a deep breath I come out and show them. 

“Yes! I love it!. It’s perfect!.” Zoe bounces in her seat, clapping her hands. 

“Next!” Shay says, shooing me back into the dressing booth. The second one is a lace cup babydoll with a wide fringe multi slit skirt. It’s a cute pale pink and looks great on me. Is this going to be one of those moments where you look fantastic in the mirror in the store but when you get home it looks like something you got off wish. I walk out to show them. 

“Ok, for sure yes on this one. Next” Alaria dismisses. The third one is a black long sleeve transparent lace see through teddy. Oh, this is another one I like. It fits me just right in the chest, stretching tight and slightly emphasizing my cleavage. The sleeves go to my elbows and the floral design in the lace is beautiful roses intricately woven through the lace. Giving myself a nod of approval I walk out to once again flaunt around in front of my besties. Like the other 2 this one is a big hit and they decide it’s a must. If it continues like this I’m going to go broke.