Unmasked Desires

Chapter Two

I was never one to care about looks or appearances but the next morning, I took extra attention to what I was going to wear and how I portrayed myself. I stood in front of my mirror, turning in every position trying to detect the slightest of flaws to correct it. Everything had to be perfect if I had any chance of getting the job. It took around four or five different outfits before I settled for a pristine white blouse and a black maxi skirt that hugged my body tightly expanding my hips. I grabbed a brown blazer jacket just to add a touch of sophistication.

“Hmm, feels extravagant.” I remarked after the mirror’s scrutiny.

“That’s it... I’ve had enough of this” Jessica remarked frustratingly. “You look perfect. Enough with the dress swap.”

“Jess... It’s Caldwell... I just want everything to be perfect. If anything, I look like an imposter than an actual secretary.” I replied.

“No, you look like a professional secretary. Enough with the doubts and pessimism. You look amazing. Look at you.” Jessica placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

She’s mastered the heart of calmness, unlike me who can’t seem to retain my composure. She’s right though, I do look like a professional and in that moment I felt like the world was finally ready to have me.

“Okay.... all that remain is the shoes.” I said, looking over my rack of shoes and heels tucked neatly beside the wardrobe.

“Here you go.” Jessica handed me a black pair of heels, the one she got for me when I graduated college. I collected it and quickly fastened it on. It made me a little taller than I appeared which was a good thing I guess.

“Now, go slay” Jessica patted my back and playfully shoved me out of the room. I grabbed my handbag on the couch before heading out of the apartment.

Stepping outside into the NYC morning felt different. In one hand, I felt confident, ready to take on this new challenge and in another hand, I felt way out of my league, like I was reaching for a place I didn’t belong.

The streets was buzzing with life. The sun shined brilliantly behind the high-rises and skyscrapers towering above the city. People were rushing past each other to begin their daily activities. The usual car honks and bicycle rings amidst traffic reflected the constant hustles of NYC.

I glanced at my phone checking the time, before hailing a cab with shaky hands. The idea of attending an interview at Caldwell seemed ridiculous with each passing time.

What was I thinking? I wondered as a yellow cab pulled up to the curb.

Sliding into the backseat, I gave the cabbie a nervous smile “Caldwell Enterprises, please”

He nodded, peeking at me through his rear-view mirror. “Big day, huh? Interview?”

“Yeah” I chuckled nervously

Turning into traffic, he continued “ I’ve dropped off quite a few people for interviews there today. Most of em’ seemed pretty nervous too. You’ll be fine. Just gotta keep your head up.”

“Thank you.” His words felt like what my dad would say idf he were still alive. It felt nice and warm but they didn’t stop the growing knot in my stomach. The cab ride felt longer than it should, my mind kept racing over different thoughts the whole time. Looking out the window, everyone seemed to be doing something or going somewhere. Nothing was still but in my mind despite the numerous thoughts, one thought lingered than the rest. My confidence was diminishing with each closing distance to the firm.

By the time we reached Caldwell Enterprises, my heartbeat was louder than it had ever been. The building was an architectural and engineering marvel reaching up to the clouds. It was massive and completely covered in sleek glass and steel works. It was bigger in comparison to the buildings around the block. It’s a place where billion- dollar projects were closed roughly every week, a place where blacks and whites collide to make money and innovation. And me? I’m just a girl whose greatest work accomplishment was secretary to the owner of a relatively smaller firm in comparison to Caldwell. How am I supposed to fit in a place like this?

I paid the cabbie and stepped out the vehicle, staring up at the building in awe. The sun reflected off the glass, making it appear as something out of a fantasy. But of course, it wasn’t an imagination – it was right in front of me and I’m unsure I’m ready for what laid at the other side of its doors.

Summoning what little confidence I had left, I moved towards the building, pushing open its glass-revolving door. Inside the lobby, everything glistened. From white marble floors to polished sculptures and priceless art artefacts lining the walls of the building. The lobby exuded an ostentatious blend of professional functionality and luxury. Leather lounge chairs filled the waiting area while the reception desk was a marble crafted countertop with embedded lighting, giving off a soft glow. I took a deep breath, trying to retain my composure but when I saw the crowd of aspirants, my heart sank and reality hit me hard.

There had to be over twenty people, all dressed in suits and elegant dresses. Some looked confident, like they’ve done this countless times, others looked composed and experienced, like nothing could faze them. One needn’t be told that some of them were Ivy leaguers, corporate veterans and some had connections I couldn’t even dream up and I was about to compete with them.

“What were you thinking Elena, this was a mistake to begin with.” I whispered, sitting at the designated area for the applicants.

I looked around, taking in the faces of the competition. They were chatting with each other, laughing like they belonged here. I felt like a person out of her league; an outsider.

The minutes dragged by, each second feeding my growing anxiety. I kept thinking of how I’d ever get the job in the face of heavy competition. As I sat there, surrounded by people better suited for the position than I am, I can’t help but feel like it was already over for me before it ever began.