𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑭𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌

𝑰n my life I have mastered two things : masking emotions and staying quiet . My face never betrayed me but my mind never stopped speaking .The noises inside my head grow too loud turned to headaches , constant pounding reminds me the silence outside is not peace inside. The voices kept pushing me to snap , until one day I did . “Have you heard about Amy and his boyfriend, that relationship won't last .Amy is rough, lazy and dirty and her boyfriend is clean” that was my so called mother talking to my auntie on the phone a voice full of humor “ Instead of going to school, take that degree. She goes giving herself to some man duh such a stupid child” my auntie answered , it was too much to handle for me so I decided to go outside the house so I won't hear those words I was living with my auntie , she is a single mother . She has one child Jordan , he is a sweet child . I moved to my aunties city to start collage , by the time I had no enough money to take my own apartment . “ Did you hear what your mother said, don't you advise your sister ? “ my auntie asked me after I came in , I just stayed quiet looking anywhere but her “ Did you call your mother this week ? “ She was looking at me directly as if she was to piercing my heart I took a glance at her then I looked at utensils In front of me “ No “ I answered , voice shaking in the verge of crying “ What makes you want to cry, why did you not call your mother for the whole week? “ I had no answer , because my mind was empty “ Call your mother . Personally, I don't believe it when a person loves me but doesn't love her mother. You must love your own mother iam not your my mother “.here comes the lectures , I was counting seconds instead of words I just listened but my mind is far away not with her anymore “ Don't be like your sister, listen to your mother , your mother has no one expect you two . Amy has brought shame and disrespect to her . if you won't be on her side she might die from depression “ ugh she talks too much . Shoulders dropped even breathing became hard. “ You see me as a fool for how I tell you but I say again don't be disgraceful to your mother “ she finished her foolish motivational speech which actually didn't motivate me at all . She starts to sew her clothes , I finish my chores just in time to cook the food . I had to do some shopping and run some errands . So I went to the town center and bought some things . My stomach was crying needing my attention to it so I had to stop at one of the restaurant The restaurant is quieter not like the streets .only this once in a day that I felt am not judged or pressured. Have you ever stepped at a place and you start to feel your stomach do the somersaults or get butterflies. I entered the restaurant taking the farthest seat on the corner . “Hello miss , welcome . Your order “ the waiter asked as fast after taking my seat . “ Ooh I will have french fries and coca “ as I waited I took my phone chatting with my classmates . The chair scraped softly across the floor beside me. “ Hello…may I sit here ? ” I looked up, he was already pulling the chair back, smiling as if he expected me to say yes “ You seem kind” he added I almost laughed . Kind was not a word anyone used for me anymore “ I'm Elly brown, “he said, offering his hand “Lina mckenzy “ His handshake was warm , grounding and for the first time that day the noise in my head stopped .