Raven
Even when the guys weren't in my room, I could feel them in the house. Moving around me. Protecting me from a world I didn't want to live in anymore. I hated myself for it. For taking up space. For being a dead weight in their home. For upsetting Chris. For not being able to just get over it and be happy. For my lack of reaction. I hated myself for all of it.
Chris deserved happiness. A real one. Not a broken wife rotting in bed while his boyfriend ran their life for them. Jackson and Chris were sacrificing so much for me and I couldn't even muster up enough strength to say a simple thank you or even a smile. Jackson deserved peace. Not this. Not me.
The guilt was a slow poison. I didn't cry much during those days. Not the way people expect. Crying required energy. Crying requir
