My Life With You

You know, you mean the absolute world to me and I can’t fully express how much you mean to me in writing or by actions .. it’s a feeling that’s so overwhelming ? when I’m with you I feel like I can breathe, when I’m with you I feel whole, when I’m with you I feel happy, when I’m with you I picture us together with a bigger family grey and old, when I’m with you I feel at home because you are my home, you’re my life. When I’m without you I hate it, when I’m without you I feel like a part of me is missing.. I love you.. it’s an intense feeling but I f*****g love you with everything I have ? I get the way that I do because it can be taken away from me and I would feel as if I can’t breathe without you… I would feel like my world would be crumbling beneath me ? you’re my everything and more and not a day goes by where I’m not thinking about you, thinking about the way you grab me from behind, the way you hug me and kiss my forehead, the way you comfort me when I’m upset. The way you put your hands up my top just to keep your hands there placed on my sides.. it’s intimate .. it’s real.. the way I feel when you touch me it’s electric .. I love your hands on me, your touch, your lips .. I love the way you look at me as if I’m the sexiest person you’ve ever met, I f*****g love that. I’m no poet but a day living without you in it is not a life worth living and especially not a day worth entering … Emma’s POV It was the beginning of January 2019 and I had just gotten out of a relationship that was built on s*x. Saying that, it wasn’t much of a relationship. I internally scoffed. We met. He had me. And he left me. He made the excuse of needing some time as a friend of the family had died which i gave him space for, I was completely reasonable I would say. But it got to a point where every day he would start to ignore me. You know what he did? Got his friend to finish me. I laughed. He was pretty much a joke. I wasn’t upset. However it was the first boy I told my mum about so coming up with an excuse to why he didn’t want me was hard. I decided to let her know that we would never see each other but we remained friends. Lies I spilled. We didn’t remain friends. I was blocked on social media haha. I loved the attention of the boys, I loved feeling sexy but that was just me on messages.. I was truly a catfish. I wasn’t as pretty as my pictures. I wasn’t really liked by anyone in that way Until him. William. That was his name. He was 17 like me. At first I wasn’t attracted to him as I didn’t know him. I mean meeting someone off social media can be a tad bit sketchy but what was harmless taking? We started talking and the more we talked the more I fell for him, he gave me butterflies. The kind that do summersaults in your stomach, made me smile and laugh until my cheeks were sore. He was amazing. He made me feel like I truly mattered. Always complimented me, always made me feel like the most Prettiest girl in the world but no matter how much I fell for him I knew it wouldn’t last. I was nothing, I didn’t have a supermodel body or supermodel looks.. every guy wants that. That wasn’t me. I badly wanted that to be me for the sake of happiness but it wasn’t and I had to come to terms with that. We FaceTimed and called every night. I wouldn’t show my face of course as I seriously didn’t want this to end. I liked the way he made me feel. Turns out he indeed had a girlfriend.. I was gutted, of course I was.. He explained to me that she wasn’t the one for him, that she would ignore him for hours and then reply to him. She was taking him for a mug.. it wasn’t okay. He never told me how he felt about me so I never told him. But there was always his attraction between us that we definitely both could feel. A connection that was so random but so amazing at the same time. The kind of connection you only see in movies. You want to know what he said to me one night while he was with his family? That made me fall head over heels for him, that made me heart pound in my chest. He was getting High.. but he still decided to show me the attention, he still decided to put me above anyone else. The moment the sentence left his mouth, I knew I loved him. “I bet you love it” I laughed to him while on FaceTime. It was the first time I knew he smoked that kind of stuff. I didn’t mind as it’s harmless. And of course I wasn’t his keeper so I had no right to say anything. But he replied; “Not as much as I love you” he said confidently. I froze. Not because I didn’t like him back. But he was the first to express his feelings. I truly knew how he felt. And this was before he asked me to be his girlfriend. By march 2019 We hadn’t met yet.. but we had planned to have a sleepover at his house. He asked me to be his girlfriend and everything before we had met. But I said yes because of the way he made me feel. And if it ended when we met then at least I would of had a glimpse of what happiness I could of had. I was sure he would have left me when he saw me.