This is me

I’ve been here for 23 days and 7 hours. This is what I remember. I still can’t remember how I ended up in this place.  I am 5.1 feet tall and about 120 pounds, blond – straight hair with a slight curl and blue eyes.  When I walk around this big place people are staring at me like I have some disorder. I remember the fire, big.  That’s all I remember.  I am constantly looking out the window of this grey room.  Looking for something, someone…? There was something missing from my life, but I just could not pinpoint it.  The doctors told me I have lost my memory in an accident.  That is all they tell me. They say it will not be good for my recovery if they tell me now. I have made one friend, Liza.  She is kind and a little too much at times, but we get along very well.  She left now and now I am all alone in this grey room with its small window in this big place. The knock on the door suddenly gave me a fright.  I was not here for a moment; I was staring out the window looking for that “thing”! “It’s time for your medication.” The voice said.  It was a short woman quite plump.  Short curly brown hair with glasses on her nose.  I swear it was so close to the tip of her nose she could almost touch it with her tongue.  “Good morning.” she greets with a friendly tone of voice.  “How do you feel on this beautiful spring morning?”  She was carrying a tray with two small cups, containing the medication and another cup filled with water.  “Spring?” I asked. “W…why can’t I go outside to smell the air?” I asked aggressively.  With a calming voice the lady in white replied: “My dear, you are not strong enough, yet.”  “Strong enough?” I asked.  “I am strong… I can walk perfectly, I can talk, smell, touch…” and then suddenly that terrible pain in my head.  That pain caused me to lie down.  Every morning round about the same time I have these headaches. “Shh…” the lady calmed me.  “Lie down you will feel better soon.” “We are running some test today…” was the last words I heard. It’s been 40 days and 3 hours and I am still sitting in the same old grey room as before.  Same rituals every day.  Staring out the window, having some vague flashbacks.  There was a fire, big; people screaming and running around, shots were fired and then all went dark. A few hours later, Liza came to visit me.  Since her recovery she came to visit me twice a week, bring me delicious treats.  Then we chat for hours.  Today she told me she founded a new job and won’t be able to visit too much.  But she promised me she will make a point of it to visit me every weekend.  Then a tear rolled down her cheeks, her eyes turned sad.  Her beautiful blushed skin suddenly turned red. She told me she founded some information about me and that she rather doesn’t want to discuss it with me unless the doctors give the go-ahead.  But she promised me when the time is right all things will turn out perfectly.   A few days later the doctor called me into his consulting room.  As I walked down the passage the old lady that usually walks down the passage started to talk to me for the first time.  I stared at her with agony.  This was the first time and it was the last time she ever talked to me.  The only thing she asked me was since I have been here if I ever looked in the mirror.  That question struck me for the first time.  I have never since I have been here. I thought to myself.  The only words I could utter were “Why do you ask?” But she never answered my question.  She just looked at me like I was crazy and walk past me. The doctor came in 5 min later since my arrival at his consulting room.  He was a tall man, carrying a clipboard.  He pointed at me.  5092 I was called.  I was only a number here.  The doctor explained to me that the following news he is about to give is going to shock me.  But he assured me that I will be fine. He started to ask me if I remember anything.  I just told him about the flashes that I recently started to have.  I told him about the fire, people screaming and running and some shots that were fired.  That’s all I remember.  Then with a big sigh, he began to explain to me that I have had a terrible accident.  There was a robbery at my house.  My name is Elizabeth Smith.  I am from Bristol, The Downs.  I had a family; a husband, two children ages 14 and 12.  But they all died in the fire.  I was shot in my head.  I have been here for almost 3 months.  I recently just began to start recovery.  I have nothing, he told me.  I have lost everything. My home, family. I lost most of my memory.  I sat at his desk, the tears started to roll down my cheeks.  I remember nothing I told him.  The next few months I recovered quickly.  Today for the first time the nurses brought me a mirror.  For the first time in almost a year, I looked at myself in the mirror.  Then with a shock, I realized that part of my face was deformed badly.  My left cheek was gone, part of my nose was gone, my left eye was bigger than my right.  Now I understood why everyone looked at me like I was some sort of monster.  The doctor explained to me that with plastic surgery they can fix my face, but they wanted me to recover first from my wounds inside and out.  Physically and emotionally.  Today I have been here for 11 months.  Liza told me that she prepared a room for me to stay at her home for as long as I liked.  She explained to me that the day she came to visit me, when she burst out is tears, was the day she founded out what have had happened to me.  She couldn’t find it in her heart to tell me.  “I promise you that I will take care of you, I’ve got a good job, that pays well so, I would like you not to worry about anything.” She comforts me.  I walked out of this grey room, with its small window for the last time today. I looked back at the window and saw only a clear blue sky.  Everything came clear for me today, the people around me just wanted to protect me.  They knew I had nothing.  As I walked alongside Liza down the passage the lady that always passed me in the passage was not there.  I have learned from the staff she passed away a couple of days before.  She had a heart attack. For the first time in 11 months, I smelled the fresh air again.  I felt the warmth of the sun against my skin again.  I wasn’t scared, because Liza promised me she will be there every step of the way. This is me, Elizabeth Smith, beginning another chapter of my life.