The billionaire's lost love

Now, what can I do for you?

Jaxon

You f*****g scare me. Why did I have to tell her that? It makes it sound like my feelings for her are far deeper than just enjoying her company and the passion that is still burning between us.

I have to let her go. I have to let her go. I repeat the words to the baby in my arms, over and over again until I hear the front door slam close. I let out the breath I am sure I have been holding since the moment I entered the room. I don’t know why I felt the need to walk in here, I told myself I wanted to see this little girl now currently staring up at me with her big blue eyes, but I knew it was more. I saw her car when I stopped here, I knew she was in here and still I walked right in here, hoping to get one last look at the woman that has been keeping me up at night.

She looks like a f*****g Greek goddess even with her sweats on and her too big t-shirt with her hair falling out of her ponytail. She didn’t have any makeup on, but still she looked more beautiful than any woman I have ever been with before. I had to clench my fists to stop myself from reaching out to touch her and when I held my arms out for Bella, I was hoping that by some miracle I would get at least one soft touch. What the hell does this woman have over me that I am so desperate for a single touch?

“Your aunt is going to drive me crazy.” I say to little Bella as I start to pace with her in my arms, worried that Gwen might take too long with her meeting and I might end up missing my flight. I really need to get out of here, if I stay here any longer, I might do something stupid like begging Carina to forgive my sorry ass. Maybe I should listen to my mother and go for therapy, again. I sigh and look down at the baby and for a moment, I allow myself to imagine what it would be like if this wasn’t Archer’s baby girl, but mine. If Gwen wasn’t her mother, but Carina.

“Hey, sorry about that.” Gwen says as she walks into the room, breaking me out of my straying thoughts. She stops when she finds me with Bella instead of Carina. “Where is she and what did you do?” She asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Firstly, she said she had somewhere to be, I didn’t chase her away, or at least, not on purpose and secondly, who says I did anything?” I ask her, a bit offended.

“Listen Jaxon, Carina is one of the kindest people I know and she has a big heart, but when she gets hurt, she walks away and never looks back again. You hurt her worse than any other man ever has and the only reason I am not kicking you between the legs as hard as I can, is because I know you have your reasons and you think you are protecting her…” Gwen is rambling, but she is wrong when she thinks I walked away from Carina to protect her.

“I didn’t walk away to protect her, Gwen. I walked away to protect myself. I am not going to spill my entire life story to you or even tell you why I am walking away from her, because you will tell her and she will think she can change my mind if she tries hard enough, but there is no changing my mind. I am not going to be the man that settles down and I am not going to ever be able to give her my heart. Staying away from her is the best thing for me and for her.” I tell her and then hand over her baby. Gwen just stares at me as she opens her arms for Bella. “Sorry to disappoint you.” I tell her as I start walking away, tired of hearing how everyone wants to hurt me for hurting Carina. I know what I did, I hate myself for hurting her. I should’ve never given her hope. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love with me and I wasn’t supposed to want to be around her all the time. Walking away before it could get out of hand was the best thing I could do for myself, but that doesn’t mean I don’t hate myself for hurting her.

“I am not disappointed in you, Jaxon. I feel sorry for you.” She says and I stop.

“Why the hell would you feel sorry for me?” I ask.

“Because you had it all, but you were too blind and too scared to keep it and when you realize that you can’t live without it, can’t live without her? You will have nothing left, because she will finally be happy with someone that won’t allow fear to stand in his way of loving her and you will be left to watch from the sidelines as he marries her, as he gives her a home and a family and you will be reminded of everything you gave up.” She says and I suck in a breath.

“I can live with that, Gwen.” I tell her and then I walk out the door. I can live with watching her from afar, but what I can’t live with is knowing that she has power over my heart and someday, she might not have a choice and end up breaking it regardless. That, I cannot allow.

I walk out the house, not watching where I am walking and I bump into Carina standing on the steps. “s**t, sorry.” I say as I reach out to keep her from falling over. When she turns around, my heart drops. Her eyes are blood red as if she has been crying and I know that it is my fault. I did this to her. “Carina, I-.”

“Don’t worry about it. I have been keeping it in for three months, I have finally mourned you, Jaxon.” She says and then she turns around and starts walking towards her car. I sigh and run my hands through my hair and before I know it, my legs start moving.

“Why can’t I let you f*****g go?” I ask her just as we reach her car, turning her around and then pushing her against the door as I claim her lips with mine. At first she doesn’t move, but then she melts in my arms. I can taste her tears on her lips and I am gone, lost for this woman. I press my body against hers and she wraps her one leg around my waist. I wrap my hands in her hair, pulling her hair back for better access. When her body begins to shake and more tears spill from her eyes, I pull back to look at her. She shakes her head as her chest moves up and down with hard breaths, refusing to look at me. I place my finger under her chin and lift her face, forcing her to look at me. The tears streaming down her cheeks breaking my heart.

“I love you, Jaxon.” She says and I freeze. She has never said the words before, has never even said she likes me and after everything I have done to her, I never expected her to say those words, I hoped I would never hear her say it. “But I am done waiting for you. I am so done with you.” She says, pushing me away from her. I am still so shocked at her words that I move backwards and just stand there and stare at her as she gets in her car and drives off. I love you, Jaxon. f**k, those words are going to haunt me for a very f*****g long time.

I get in my own car and for a moment I just sit there, staring ahead at nothing and then I start my car and start driving. I know where I am supposed to be heading, know that I need to get to the airport and get on my flight, but I drive right past the airport and I keep driving until I reach a little tattoo shop just out of town. I sit in my car for a few minutes longer, just staring at the door before I take out my phone and canceling my flight. I booked a ticket for tonight, knowing that I am going to be here for a while. When I get my next flight details, I open my car door and step out. When I open the door, a little bell rings and the receptionist looks up. Her face lights up with a smile and then she pushes up her chest.

“Back for more?” She asks with a wink.

“It has been five years and you still remember me?” I ask her with a smile of my own. Five years ago I came in here drunk and asked Mark, the tattoo artist to do my first and only tattoo. After getting the tattoo done, I took Missy here to the room and f****d her hard and fast. I didn’t care who she was and probably wouldn’t even have known her name if it wasn’t for the fact that she has an employee tag on her shirt. I was in a bad space that day and would’ve f****d any woman I could get my hands on, Missy just so happened to be here and I took advantage of that.

“You were the best f**k I’ve had.” She says with a shrug.

“You should really get out more if a quick f**k with a drunk boy was the best you ever had.” I tell her with a teasing smile.

“The sad story of my life.” She says with a laugh before straightening up and getting serious. “If you’re not back for another round, then how can I help you?” She asks.

“Have any space for me?” I ask her and she looks down at their bookings.

“My client finished up early, I can help you. What do you need?” Mark says as he steps out of his room, wiping off his hands, a woman right behind him, a tattoo of a dragon running up her arm.

“I would appreciate it man.” I tell him as I make my way to his room.

“Missy, ring Katy up and book her checkup appointment for three weeks from now.” He says to Missy and she nods her head before giving the other woman her full attention. “Now, what can I do for you?” He asks as he shuts the door behind us.