The billionaire's lost love

Why does he have to look so good?

Carina

I have baby s**t all over my f*****g hands. How the hell did this happen? Gwen needed to go to a meeting this morning for the clinic and I told her I would take care of her little devil while she was busy, but I overestimated my ability to take care of a meat shack that doesn’t do anything but drink milk, s**t, vomit and sleep. I know Gwen is just in the other room, not like she could go into the office a week after giving birth, I know I could’ve gone to her when the little gremlin decided to s**t herself, but I wanted to give her a break.

I run to the bathroom, but then stop mid-way and quickly move little Bella to the center of the bed, grateful that I remembered the plastic cover before I tried removing her nappy, otherwise I would have to replace the bedding. I quickly wash my hands and then run back to the room, only to find Bella fussing and squirming around. She lets out a loud cry a second later and I nearly jump out of my own skin. I grab the wet wipes and start cleaning up her mess. “A lady shouldn’t s**t like this.” I tell her as I try wiping the poop up, but by the time I get to half the pack of wet wipes, I see that I still missed a spot. “What the hell does your mother eat?” I ask her, knowing that she is only taking what her mother consumes. Bella cries out again and I make quick work of wiping up the rest of her s**t before grabbing a nappy.

“Alright, I am going to need you to work with me because I have never changed a nappy in my life, and I need to figure this out. Just take it easy on me, okay?” I talk to her as if she can understand a word I am saying, but of course she doesn’t understand a word of what I say, because a second later, she starts screaming at the top of her lungs. “Shhhh, please don’t make mommy come running in here.” I tell her, quickly putting the nappy on even if I am sure I did it wrong. It sure as hell doesn’t look right. I pick her up and wrap her in a blanket and then start walking up and down in the room.

“Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling. Can you feel my heart beating, do you understand, and do you feel the same or am I only dreaming?” I start to sing to her, and she immediately starts calming down. I don’t dare to stop singing, hoping she will fall asleep if I keep singing. Five minutes later she is fast asleep in my arms, her hand holding onto my boob as if it is giving her comfort.

A knock on the door makes me jump, waking Bella right up. She screams with a set of lungs that would make an opera singer proud and I want to cry. It hasn’t even been a full hour and already I want to curl up in a ball and sleep for a week.

“Jaxon, what are you doing here?” I hear Gwen say as she opens the door as I try to get Bella to calm down again, rocking her as I sing to her. I am going to kill him!

“Hey, baby girl, it is just the big bad wolf. No reason to start crying your heart out.” I tell her.

“I just came to say goodbye. I am leaving in two hours and thought I would pass by to let you know.” He says and my heart sinks a little. Stupid organ. “Is Bella doing alright?” He asks, sounding closer to the room. Oh, please no. I smell like baby s**t, and I am dead sure I didn’t get all of it off. Please don’t let him come in here.

“Jaxon, don’t.” Gwen says, but it is too late, the asshole pushes open the door and I look at him like a deer caught in headlights. “As you can see, we have it all under control.” Gwen says, pushing him out of the way, stopping dead in her tracks when she gets a look at me. “Or not.” She says. Bella chooses that moment to quiet down. Sneaky little gremlin. Her hand somehow gets caught in my hair and she yanks hard. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I kept my scream in.

Why does he have to look so good standing there in faded blue jeans with his prefect brown hair and sexy as f**k jaw. He has a button up shirt on and the sleeves are rolled up to just above his elbows, showing off those muscular arms that used to hold me while I slept. All while I look like a train wreck half an hour into babysitting a helpless baby. Life is not fair.

Jaxon lifts an eyebrow at me and I scowl at him. “Need help there, babe?” He asks and I huff out a breath. He can be glad I am holding a baby in my arms, or I would be swearing at him like a drunken sailor. By the look he is giving me, he knows it and he is enjoying it. Fucker.

“Listen, I am almost done with my meeting, I took a five-minute break, but I really need to get back to it. Will you be alright, Carina?” She asks, looking between me and Jaxon I know it pains her to leave me with him, out of everyone, she is the only one that knows how deep my feelings for Jaxon went and it goes against her moral code to leave me to fend for myself when she knows I am hurting just having him near me, but I know how much this clinic means to her and Jaxon is here to say goodbye after all so I won’t have to see him again for what I hope is the rest of my life, even if it is only wishful thinking, so what will a few minutes alone with him hurt? A lot, the answer is, A LOT.

“Yeah, I’m good.” I tell her even when I want to beg her to just kick him out.

“Thank you, Jaxon, for stopping by. I will be seeing you in a few weeks.” She says as she gives him a hug and then looks between us one last time before running out of the room.

“You may leave now.” I say the second she is out of the room.

Are we ever going to talk about it or are we just going to pretend not to know each other when we do happen to be at the same place at the same time?” He asks, stepping closer. I press Bella closer to my chest as if I am trying to protect her against Jaxon. “I wouldn’t hurt her.” He says offended. He holds out his arms for her and I hesitate. “Please let me say goodbye to her.” He says taking another step closer, his eyes on me.

“I need to leave.” I say as I hand her over to him, making sure that I don’t touch him, but it doesn’t stop his scent from invading my personal space.

“You don’t have to leave just because I am here.” He says, finally taking his eyes off me to look at Bella.

“Yes, I do. I don’t want to be near you, Jaxon. I don’t want to stand here and pretend that you didn’t rip my heart out when you snuck out of my apartment in the middle of the night. I don’t want to stand here and make small talk with you. I am not going to beat around the bush and pretend like I am okay being alone with you. You don’t deserve my forgiveness no matter what reasons you have for leaving without a word. I know I will bump into you when everyone is gathered, but I can choose if I want to be near you, or if I want to be in a conversation with you, just like I can choose not to stay here and talk about how you used me and then left when you got what you wanted.” I say as I pick up all my things and then look up at Bella. “Have a nice life, Jaxon.” I say and then walk towards the door, but I don’t move quickly enough because the next second he is grabbing onto my elbow and turning me to face him.

“What is it that you think I used you for?” He asks and my breath catches. I hate having him close to me. My head has moved on, has accepted that the future I planned will never be a reality, but my heart isn’t swayed by logic.

“I don’t know, Jaxon and I don’t care. I just hope you stay the f**k away from me, because there is nothing left to give you.” I tell him, ripping my arm from his hold.

“I didn’t use you, Carina. You f*****g scare me.” He says, and I almost turn around, almost.

“Are you willing to fight that fear for me?” I ask him, not turning to look at him because deep down I know what the answer is. He stays quiet for a while and then lets out a breath.

“No.” That one word, that is all I get. I start walking, needing to get away from him, and this time he doesn’t stop me as I walk out the door.