Chained by the old love

Chapter 4: I can't

Lorelei Larissa's P.O.V.

The days passed by again, but still, my plan to get him back had no progress at all.

How can I make him fall for me again? How can I make him love me back again?

I scratched my nape and made my head meet the table.

“Lei,” Sophie called at me. She sat in front of me. “You look stupid there,” she continued and open the book she is holding.

We are at the library now. I am not reading though. I just really want to be here because it is quiet in here.

“You are calling me stupid? Do I really look like?” I asked and pouted.

She flicked my forehead. “You just don’t look like stupid. You really are. Look at your face, my gosh, you look so stressed,” she exaggeratedly said.

“Because I am really stressed,” I answered.

“Why?”

“Did you really ask me why? Your brother is so sweet with his girlfriend,” I irritatingly said. I am really jealous.

Her facial expression changed. She looks so sad now. “Ahm.. Why don’t you try to move on? You are pretty and I am sure there are many guys out there who want to have a relationship with you.”

I sighed. “If I just can, Sophie. But I can’t. I cannot afford to let him go.”

“You know that I really like you for my brother. So, whatever your decision is, I will support you.”

A smile formed on my face. I held her hand. “Thanks,” I said.

Although years passed by, there are still no changes to our friendship. And I am thankful for that.

She pouted. “I am so hungry. Let’s go and eat,” she said and pulled me, so I could stand up.

I nodded at her. “You go first. I will just go to the powder room, then I will see you there at the cafeteria.”

She walked towards the cafeteria. And me, I fixed my things first and walked towards the powder room. I need to retouch. This face is so hilarious.

After making myself presentable, I headed outside.

But I stopped on my track when I saw the guy who was leaning on the wall. Seems like he is waiting for me.

He looks at me. “Hey,” he greeted and flashed a smile at me.

I don’t know if I will smile too or not.

He stood properly and walked towards me.

“Hi,” I hesitantly said.

He chuckled. "Still awkward?" he asked.

"Yup." I honestly answered.

Who will not? I still remember how he kissed my hand.

He caressed his jaw while looking at me. "We can do something about that awkwardness."

"Huh?" I confusedly asked.

"Come on, let’s eat together. We can be close, you know."

"Really, Travis Yuan?" I spilled out.

He shrugged his shoulders off and just winked at me. "By the way, you can just call me Travis."

"Is it okay with you if we eat with my best friend?" I asked.

"Of course. I would like to meet that best friend of yours."

I nodded and we both headed to the cafeteria, where Sophie was.

But then, someone accidentally bumped me. Travis caught my waist so that I would not fall or lose balance.

I can’t help myself but not to stare at him. He looks so good in this sight.

We are in that position when someone speaks up.

"Sophie is waiting for you," Joziah said coldly.

I quickly stood properly and move a little bit away from Travis. Then I look at Joziah who is glaring at me now.

"Ahm, let’s go," I said to both of them and walked away.

What an awkward moment?

What would Joziah think now of what he saw?

I felt them walking on my back.

When we arrived at the cafeteria, the food is already there. Sophie ordered all of it.

She pouted at me. “You took so long there. I am waiting for you so that we can start eating.”

"Because he was busy with someone," her brother interrupted.

Then Sophie realized that I had someone with me. That Travis is also here.

"Oh em gee. Is there something between the two of you already?" she asked and giggled.

I facepalmed with that. Is she really my friend?

"Maybe," Travis playfully said and wiggled his eyebrows.

Hay… what will I do with both of them?

Joziah sat next to Sophie with so much force. “Can we just eat and stop chit-chatting?” he irritatingly said.

Sophie playfully looks at him. “Am I smelling jealousy?” she teases.

Joziah glared at her. “Why would I be jealous?” Then he looked at me. “I have a girlfriend and I love her.”

That’s so foul.

Every word that came out from his mouth stabbed my heart. He loves her. Alright, I get it. So painful. Can I just walk out?

I just bite my lips to stop myself from crying and sitting too.

“I’ll just order something,” Travis said and walked towards the counter.

“Me too. I forgot to buy something,” Sophie said.

Then the two of us are left here.

I took the courage and spoke. “I guess we are not really bound to each other,” I said and in every word, I spilled out, sadness could be felt.

He stared at me. He gave me a cold look. His cold eyes and cold expression say it all.

“What are you saying?” He asked.

I am not sure, but I saw a glimpse of sadness from his eyes, but then it back to being cold.

Maybe I am just imagining things.

“Do you really love her?” I asked even though I knew what his answer would be.

I was on the verge of crying and I didn’t want him to see me in that state, so, I tried to control myself.

He licked his lips. “Of course, I do,” he answered. Just like what I expected.

More, Lorelei Larissa. Ask more about his love for her so that you’ll get hurt. You really like hurting, huh?

I sighed and looked at nowhere. “I still love you,” I mumbled.

It is not my intention to say that in front of him, but my tongue slipped.

He was about to talk, but Travis and Sophie got back.

“You should eat now,” Travis said and moved my plate closer to me. Then they opened the soda for me.

"Thanks," I said and he just smiled at me.

I look at Joziah again, who is also looking at me. It looks like he wants to tell me something, but he can't say it.

"Why are you not eating with your girlfriend, Joz?" Sophie asked.

“She has a class,” he plainly answered.

Then we stayed silent while eating.

The night came and Aunt Jas invited me to eat with them at their house.

I want to decline the invitation because of what happened earlier in the cafeteria. I don’t like to see Joziah for a while because my heart is still hurting.

But Auntie pursues me and I am too shy to reject her.

"What do you think? Isn't he handsome or what?” Sophie asked while showing me the picture of a guy. I think he is our schoolmate.

"He is handsome. Look at his nose and lips," I answered.

She smiled widely. “Really?"

“Why are you asking? Who is he? And what is your connection to him?

"Well, he wants to court me," she happily said and even giggled.

Then someone interrupted us. “Who wants to court you?” Joz asked. The same protective older brother.

Sophie slaps his arm. “Don’t be so overprotective. It’s been so long and I still don’t have a boyfriend,” she complained.

“Let’s test him first. Bring him here and let’s see if he is good to you,” he commanded.

Sophie quickly nodded her head. “Sure.”

Then Joz and my eyes collided. I quickly avoided his gaze.

I stood up. “I think I need to go now,” I informed Sophie.

I walked towards their gate without even looking at Joziah again. I just need some space to think, but that doesn’t mean that I have given up already.

I was about to open the gate when I flinched. It is because his hand is on top of my hand now. We are both holding the gate.

"Can we talk?" he asked while facing my back.

I slowly turned around to face him. “Can we just talk tomorrow?” I asked.

His forehead knotted. “Why?”

“What will you say now? You will say again that you really love your girlfriend so much. And what? You want me to stop chasing you.” I didn’t notice that my tears had already fallen. “I can’t do that. I can’t, Joziah.” Then I sobbed.

I don’t care anymore if he is watching me cry right now. This is what I really feel now.

"Larissa---"

“Just say it tomorrow. I already feel drained. What happened in the cafeteria already hurt me.” Then I turn my back at him and walked towards our house, where I could freely cry.

I know it's hard and painful, but I still can't let go of him. I just can't.