Persephone's Steps

She could proudly confirm that your life (definitely) flashes before your eyes as you die; it was sad but true. As she experienced it she could reflect only for a moment that she had indeed not one true regret - what would happen now? The images felt like they were being drawn out; like she was experiencing a whole lifetime in a matter of minutes. If they were indeed only minutes - the sensation of time was only getting fuzzier; the connection she had to the images also felt broken or distorted somehow. In fact: who was she? How did she die? Was she scared? - she didn’t feel that way. She wasn't sure if she felt much of anything at the moment... The beginning or end of her life sorta blended together until it seemed to get stuck on the same memory. It was her; as a child alone in her room, she sat on the linoleum floor playing with dolls. It was strange...this memory felt shared. As if her perspective had broken through a wall or plane of consciousness. She could see her small form - her chubby little brown body with her big brown eyes stopping to look and listen. Before her was another child; an angelic looking boy with curly light blonde hair and vibrant green eyes. “You are beautiful - like an angel - are you an angel?” she smiled weakly and reached out before her to touch him. Gasping when her fingers only swirled limply at the ether. “I am an angel” he beamed puffing his chest up with pride “I want to be your friend. Can we be friends?” the little girl’s eyes appeared to get wider - or rather- her eyes had gotten wider with a mixture of awe and fear “Why would you want to be friends with me?” she had no friends. Other children had always treated her like an outcast; she was fat, ugly, loud and “weird”. She scared others because she saw spirits and did s**t like this...watching her younger self made her heart hurt. If only she could reach out and cradle her in her arms. “Because you are beautiful” he said - his words were so clear and firm. Not once did he take his gaze from her as she shook her head; her puffy little cheeks reddening. “No I am not” he stepped closer causing her younger self to stumble back; she was young but even then she knew this boy wasn’t human and he wasn’t a ghost. “What do you want then?” he laughed at her haughty tone and leaned his forehead against hers “I told you - I want to be your friend - I want to stay by your side all your days. I want to love you always and play with you forever. I want you to promise to be my best friend. Promise you are mine and you will never be alone" she shook her head and started to cry; she was scared but she was also so sad. And so very alone. “Okay - I promise” the words sputtered and tumbled out of her mouth clumsily the sound starting to warp, echo and fade. “Shit...I think this means I am going to hell…” her conscious was still able to form fluid independent thoughts; she knew she was an “I” - a separate ego from the nebulous consciousness that surrounded her. A darkness trying to seemingly absorb her while the light seemed to fade further and further away; she began to panic at the realization “The light! NO! I need to go to the light - I don’t understand I was good. I was relatively good. I had a good heart and I made fairly normal choices...what?” it felt like her screams didn’t travel - who would hear then? God? God!... While she wasn’t sure if she was running or floating to the light she only knew she wanted it - the warmth, the love, her family - f**k even her ancestors felt like they were looking back at her with tears in their souls. “Hey” she heard a voice and suddenly reality seemed to drop into familiar perspective - as if she had a body again. Turning she faced a beautiful man who seemed to towered above her form; he looked eerily familiar “had she just seen him?” with a smile his green eyes seemed to glitter… “Well sorta - I thought giving you my memory would help ease you into this phase of your journey” he scratched the back of his neck and she observed the darkness began to flood forward inking the space she was suspended in. “You are so beautiful - always so beautiful. However you are not fun in that form and it’s not safe for you to stay that way. You are confused and scared - don’t be. I can hear your thoughts and feel your feelings right now” “You are the angel?” His chuckle was electric and soft “well..you can say I am your angel” reaching out he cupped her into his large hands; again she was confused. Did she shrink? “Now- Now stay calm. You can rest soon; you died and right now you are just a little soul. A little light glowing in this darkness. You have to stay here Kora. You have to stay with me so.. Let me take you to safety” … “Kora” she heard her mom coo. “Kora” she heard her dad call. “Kora” - her sister, her best friend, her husband...they all blended together in a sweet cacophony of voices until it was his voice. For the first time she blinked her eyes open and stared up at a dark ceiling; she felt alive again but she wasn’t breathing. It didn’t need to - it wasn’t a human body per se - lifting her arm above her face she studied her hand curiously. It was still her brown arm but like everything she was experiencing in her senses it was strange “Kora? You are awake - can you hear me? Understand me?” she felt herself nod “Yes.B-But I don’t understand why am I alive? Am I in heaven?” as her vision focused on his beautiful face; she couldn't help but smile. He was all at once it was familiar and foreign. He looked happy or relieved she wasn’t sure which “No. Not exactly - you are in what your human reality called “hell” he paused watching her expression as she let out a small squeak “Don’t worry. You are not here as punishment or because you sold me your soul in your simple human sense. You are here because you are mine. We made a promise” his ivory hand extended to her face and she flinched from the contact. His expression changed but he slowly pulled his hand away and ran his fingers through his hair nervously “Sorry I guess I am a little excited to have you here; I waited such a long time. In all your other lives you were unreachable and untouchable. You aren’t always a woman you know...but this life. I was able to meet you while you were young; you could see me and feel me immediately. I didn’t think you would make a pack with me; choose on your own to be my friend...you fell to your usual temptations but you lived a good life Kora. You died at the age of 96; you know I think it was your longest life yet” he looked off into distance lost in thought and she was horrified. This was hell and he was a fuckin demon...a creepy ancient demon stalker…she wanted to scream but she only managed to cry; tears began to roll down her face. The nightmare surrealism was getting to be just a bit too much and she felt like her soul wasn’t use to her body. She was shaking her head “You know” he continued “I choose this body for you - well the basic shell - had it created to resemble your human body. When we put your soul in, it adjusted and changed a bit; it’s like a doll coming to life” he explained waving his hand in the air in a passively like the information would suffice to comfort her “and your soul made it all the more beautiful - perfect in it’s imperfection. It is my goal while you are with me to keep your soul this way…” again he reached out; this time running his fingers down her chest and torso. Shivering at his touch she attempted to sit up only to reel from dizziness “Not so fast Kora” his tone was sharp, almost a growl and it scared her into stillness “...don’t want you to hurt yourself or knock your soul out of that body before it has truly merged” leaning over her his features softened and with a sigh he rested his head on her torso “I think you should sleep now. I will wake you up soon” gliding over to her face he gave her one last smile before resting his lips against her with a gentle kiss. And again she was thrust back into a place of darkness and dreams.