Flowering Dreams

Emotions

I stared up at the ceiling after waking up in my bed. Instead of going to class after work I went back to my dorm. There were so many thoughts racing through my mind earlier it was hard to focus on anything with my lack of sleep. The sun was going down, I had apparantly slept all day. I could finally think better though.

Jordan and I had gotten closer at the party the other night. We talked for a few hours before I left and actually got to know each other better. He wasn't just a playboy, I got to know his kind and goofy sides too. I thought we were becoming good friends. His words at the coffee shop played in my mind once more, and I realized maybe I was wrong about that.

Had he been talking about me and him? Or was my tired brain this morning making things out to be something they weren't? I thought I saw jealousy clearly on his face.. but could I have just imagined it? So many questions were swirling around in my head, but the were all centered around one very important question. Was Jordan falling in love with me!?

He couldn't be. We had only known each other for 2 days! There was no defining moment so obviously he wasn't the one whether he felt something for me or not. Why couldn't he understand that? Why would he still want me like that when he knew I didn't want him? It would be insane of him to still pursue me.

I would need to talk to him and make sure he still knew where I stood and I wasn't moving on it. If he stepped over the line then our friendship would be ruined and honestly I didn't want to lose him. I felt as if I could tell him anything. Being around him was so easy and fun.

Then there was the problem of Dillan. I know only three things about him. He likes his coffee black, believes in true love, and there was an unimaginable spark between us. I couldn't just pretend that the attraction wasn't real. It was very much there. Yet it didn't feel like the love I have always read about. Lust seemed to be a more fitting word.

I couldn't help but imagine what his lips would feel like on mine. Would his mouth taste as sweet as he smells..? I bet his skin would feel hot on mine.. What on earth am I thinking!

I realized I was breathing harder and my mouth watering. This one was dangerous. I needed to avoid contact at all costs or I would end up unable to stop myself from giving in. My mind wasn't in control when I was near him. One look into his deep blue eyes and I was lost in them.

I knew if I saw him again I would need to make my feelings clear, but how do I do that without getting distracted? And what would I even say? 'Sorry I don't feel like I'm in love with you but I still think you're sexy. Hope you live a good life, bye forever.' doesn't sound like the right way to put it. Plus I'm not even sure if I understand what happened between us, or if it was all in my head.

I hate it, but I have to see him again. It's the only way I'm going to know what I'm feeling, and to find out what his intentions are. A part of me is hoping to be right that he wants me, and I don't know why. There is no love story between us. There was no neon sign. So why am I still imagining his hands on my body..?

Just then Kate came in. I felt my face getting hot. I have been lying in my bed thinking about Dillan. What is wrong with me!? I couldn't tell Kate about him. She would encourage me to act on it, and I can't do that. I'm not sure I could pull myself away if I gave in to wanting him.

"Hey, girl! Where have you been? I didn't see you for any classes." Kate sounded concerned. She came over and sat on the end of my bed next to me.

"I didn't feel good this morning at work so I decided to come home and sleep it off." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the full truth either. I hate keeping things from her.

"I'm sorry, hun." Kate had a real mom vibe about her. "I will run out and grab you a bunch of different soups!" She bounced to her feet, grabbing her purse. "I will return soon to take care of you."

"That's not necessary, really." I sat up in my bed and smiled at her. She was always so kind. "I'm feeling much better now. Honestly you are too good sometimes."

"Are you sure?" Concern was still present on her face. I smiled at her to make it more convincing.

"I'm very sure. Thank you, Kate. Don't worry about me, I'm probably just going to catch up on some of the reading for classes and go to bed early. No need to change your plans or anything." Honestly I wanted her to leave so I could go talk to Jordan. She would have an opinion about that one too. My mind was set though.

"Alright, if you say so. Let me know if you need anything though. I'm serious, Mills." She wiggled her finger towards me and put on her most serious face. I couldn't help but giggle at her. She stuck her tongue out in response. "See you later! Love you!"

"Love you, Kate." I blew a kiss to her, and she pretended to catch it and put it in her purse while winking at me. We both giggled as she left the room. When the door closed behind her I whipped my phone out to call Jordan. I needed to deal with this problem first.