The Funeral Flower

Chapter 3

Three

JANUARY-7 YEARS OLD

Even though I felt happier after that day, it didn’t last because school started again. The good part was that Momma picked me up from school before I got any new bruises.

I was so worried all the way to the doctor. What if I only have a week to live? I was a little disappointed that I wouldn’t see Ty again. Other than that, I could die and it would be okay. Well, I guess I wouldn’t want to leave Audrey either, but she might be better without me.

As soon as I stepped into the private back room of the doctor’s office, I realized this wasn’t going to be the same as any other visit before. The room was all brown and didn’t have that big table to sit on. It also didn’t have all that scary stuff hanging from the wall or a sink for the doctor to wash his hands.

A lady looked down at me and smiled. “Hello Grace. My name is Dr. Cleary. But you can call me Ms. Daphne. Would that be okay with you?”

“Yes ma’am. I go by Kelly,” was all I could say.

“Okay, Kelly. Your mother is going to stay in the lobby while we talk. Would that be okay with you?”

I looked up at Momma behind me and she nodded. “Yes ma’am,” I said turning back to Ms. Daphne.

“Okay. You can sit on the couch if you’d like.”

She seemed nice, but not in a happy way, just a comfortable way. I sat, but she just stared at me for a minute.

“Am I going to die?”

“We all die, Kelly. I do not know when you will die though. Do you?”

“No.”

“Do you feel like dying?”

“Yes. Not always.”

“When do you not feel like dying?” she asked.

“When I play with my dolls. Or talk to Ty.”

“Who is Ty?”

“He’s a boy I met in my backyard.”

“Do you talk to Ty a lot?” she asked.

“No, just once, but I am going to talk to him again soon.”

“When will you be talking to him?”

“Next week.”

“Why not before then?”

“Because he is not always there,” I said.

“Okay.” Ms. Daphne started writing on a note pad in her lap which was weird. I wouldn’t write notes to other people while I was talking with her. That would be rude.

“Why do you think you don’t feel like dying when you play with your dolls or talk to Ty?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think about sad stuff when you play with your dolls?”

“Sometimes. I have to hug them a lot because I don’t want them to feel lonely.”

“Do your dolls help you not feel lonely too?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Tell me about your friends at school.”

“I don’t have friends at school.”

As soon as I said that she started writing again. It made me want to cry.

“Tell me about your other friends. The ones not in school.”

“Well, my sister, Audrey. She’s my friend. But she can be mean sometimes,” I took a deep breath because I felt like I wanted to cry. “But she is nice, too.”

“Okay, tell me a little about Audrey. How is she mean?”

“Well, she picks on me for still playing with my dolls. She says I’m too old.”

“And how is she nice?”

“Umm, that’s a lot of stuff. One thing is she calls me Kelly, like I want.”

“Why do you want her to call you Kelly?” Ms. Daphne asked.

“Because the kids at school pick on me about my first name. They say it’s an old lady name. So, I wanted my family to start using my middle name, only Sophia doesn’t always.”

“And who is Sophia?”

“That’s my other sister.”

“Why doesn’t she call you Kelly?”

“Just because she doesn’t want to maybe. Or because I want her too. She is mad a lot so, maybe that’s why,” I said honestly.

“Okay. Tell me about another friend.”

“Umm…my daddy. He’s my friend.”

“Well, that’s good. Dads can be good friends,” she paused, “Do you play with your dad a lot?”

“No ma’am. He works. But we talk. Audrey and I talk to him when he’s home.”

“Good. Do you talk to your mom?”

“No ma’am. Well, I mean yes ma’am, but not the same way we talk to Daddy.”

“Do you talk to your dad alone?” she asked.

“Why would I do that? I wouldn’t want to leave Audrey out, she likes to talk to Daddy too.”

“Of course,” Ms. Daphne smiled a little. “What about your mom? Does Audrey like to talk to your mom too?”

“Not as much. We talk to Sophia more but she gets mad at us sometimes. It doesn’t seem like Momma or Sophia like talking to us too much. So really we kinda just talk to each other,” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Does that make you sad?”

“That we just talk to each other?”

“Well, that Sophia gets mad at you a lot?”

“Yeah. She used to play with us and take us to do stuff, but she doesn’t really do that anymore.”

“Why do you think she doesn’t?”

“I think when you grow up you are supposed to get serious. Not everybody does but you are supposed to, I think.”

She was writing again and I think she could tell I got upset because she asked me what was wrong.

“I don’t think you like talking to me either.”

“Well, Kelly, why would you say that?”

“You are writing letters while I am talking.”

She really smiled then and it made her prettier.

Isn’t it weird how some people smile and it makes them look better, but some people, like the boys at school, smile and it makes then look meaner?

“Kelly, I am not writing letters. I am writing down things that you say that I want to talk about with you more. I am trying to understand why you are sad.”

“Why?”

“Because your parents want to know,” she waited.

“Why don’t they just ask me?”

She smiled again, “Because sometimes we don’t even know why we are sad, so it’s hard to tell others why.”

“I am sad because my pawpaw died.”

“Okay. That’s a start. Maybe you could come talk to me a few days a week for a while. Would you like that?”

“Yes ma’am, I guess.”

“Do you like to write or draw, Kelly? Do you have a journal?”

“No ma’am. I mean, yes ma’am I like to write and draw, but no ma’am I don’t have a journal. I’m not too good at drawing though.”

Ms. Daphne got up, walked over to her desk and opened a drawer, “I’m going to give you a gift. When you feel sad, how about you write or draw in it? I think you’ll see that it helps. Can you do that for me?” Ms. Daphne handed me a beautiful book with a tree, a horse and a butterfly on the front.

“Yes ma’am,” I was a little confused, “Are you a doctor?” I finally asked.

“Yes, Kelly, I am.”

“What kind of doctor? Because you didn’t check me for anything.”

“I am a doctor of the mind. I will help you through the sadness you are dealing with from the death of your grandfather. Do you want to let me help you do that?”

“I guess. If that’s what my momma wants.”

“Okay, well I am going to have you sit here for a few minutes while I talk with your mother. I will see you next week.”

“Yes ma’am.”

How weird that someone would want all that brown. It was brown carpet, brown walls with a brown chair and couch. It really was not a pretty room. Flowers would make it pretty.

When we got home, Momma told me to go put my school stuff in my room, but I knew it was because she was going to call Daddy. If I hurried up and put my stuff up, I could stay real still in the hall so I could listen and see if I was dying.

“She wants to see her two or three times a week. She also said we should try to get away, maybe next weekend. That a change would do her some good,” Momma paused a long while and I almost started crying.

Not next weekend. Please, please not next weekend.

I heard her talking again, “I will call the doctor. Taking her there might make it worse. She misses him so much that maybe her being in his house will just make her more sad, Dean. We’ll talk more when you get home.”

I ran and jumped in my bed and cried. I cried so hard that I really wanted to truly die. We just can’t miss next weekend.

It turns out that Ms. Daphne didn’t think us going out of town to my pawpaw’s house would make me more sad, because I missed that weekend and several others after.

Daddy got to show us where the Sassafras trees are at Pawpaw’s and made more tea for us. We sat on the front porch just like he used to with his momma. He told us about how growing up they had the first TV in Greenwell Springs and their house was always full of people when they aired a show or the news. Pawpaw’s house is big. Bigger than ours, but not in the same way. Our house is one of the biggest in the neighborhood and lots of people said so. Our yard is really big compared to the rest of the houses, but Pawpaw’s yard is as big as our whole neighborhood put together. He has cows on his land too, but they belong to Mr. Willard, his neighbor. Mr. Willard has a farm with cows, horses, pigs, and chickens. Daddy told us that Pawpaw opened the fence between their land so Mr. Willard’s cows could come over and eat. That was nice.

I always loved Pawpaw’s house because it looks like a log cabin but it isn’t really. It is just painted to look like that. Daddy showed us pictures of it when he grew up there and it used to be white. He said Aunt Betty, his sister, was his best friend just like Audrey and I are best friends. He said no matter what happens in life for us to always stay close, because we will need each other. I love spending time with Daddy because he always made me feel better.

It didn’t take long for the mean boys at school to learn that I was being checked out early three times a week to go to the doctor. It took less time than that for the beatings to start happening earlier in the day. The more trips my momma made to school to get the boys in trouble, the more bruises I got the next day. I also learned pretty quick that I…just “don’t” see who hits me anymore.

A few more weeks went by and we didn’t go to Pawpaw’s house. I thought I would be glad, but week after week nobody showed up in the yard behind mine. I finally gave up hope. Dolls were okay though. I still liked dolls a lot.

I don’t remember a whole lot about the rest of that school year. I remember being happy when spring was here and when school was out for the summer. I also remember the Sassafras trees in the back yard and at Pawpaw’s. They smelled even better in the spring.