At his will

Undecided

He's kissing me all about my body and I gyrate in pleasure. He comes up and enters me slowly, it's too painful to bear because of the swelling and tenderness so I push him away, "Once I'm in you wouldn't feel the pain; it's ok. Now I'm going to do it quickly so relax as much as you can". I hope he knows what he is doing and with one jab he forcefully slids into me. I scream out but block my mouth in hopes of not seeming unwilling to try. He ramains in me and kisses my cheek and neck while he makes small gyrating movements and surprisingly it doesn't pain that much. I'm actually getting aroused! I look down and see that he has only half of his member inside of me, what the hell! And it pains this much!

I think back to why I am sore in the first place 'he probably put everything in me to cause me pain' I think and immediately I get upset. I stop respond to him; I mentally sing prases when his phone rings; he looks at me and I nod in approval for him to get it.

I look at his face go from concern to horror and he says "thank you, no it's ok" to whoever is on the other line. He walks over reaches his hand out to me, pulls me out of bed to come face to face with him and stares in my eyes. After forever of silence he says "I know I'm not wrong about you, I just hope that I'm proven right before I'm ruined" I look at him in confusion and he kisses me deeply, he places me to lay at the edge of the bed with my feet off and goes down head first to pleasure me. After a few moments of heaven I hear my ring tone in the distance.

He stops abruptly as he hears it too and proceeds to find it. "You again?" He questions angrily and I know it's Tyson and I cringe at the idea of what this is doing to all Ray and I have accomplished in the past few minutes. "Don't fuçkïng call my wife; I will kill you" , "you think I'm playing with you boy!" And he hangs up. The phone rings almost immediately after he looks at the screen and throws it to me frustration etched across his features.

"Hello? Why are you calling me Tyson? " I answer unwillingly.

"What? Are you alright Alicia? I tried calling you all day; you never showed up and I wanted to make sure that you were ok" he pleads.

"I'm fine just leave me and my husband alone please, I don't want to see you ever again"

"If he's forcing you against your will Alicia say Tuesday".

"Goodbye Tyson" and I hang up. I keep my head low as I'm dreading looking at Raymond. I feel him coming towards me and I hope that he's satisfied with the way I handled Tyson.

I get hiked up and thrown back and he crawls between my legs; he pulls me down to him and raises my butt, I'm now straddling him but also lying down and he enters me. He's a bit too rough but I grind through it and I see him shaking his head with his eyes closed as if he's mentally trying to shake off a thought.

His pace increases and so does his depth. I try to crawl backward to get some relief but he holds my waist in place.

"Do you enjoy me? Am I enough for you?" I am still fighting to get away not paying much attention to his questions.

"Right now you're too much!" I practically yell. "Does he satisfy you? Are you happy with him? Did you plan to leave me to be with him?"

"Where is all this coming from? You're hurting me so please stop, I already told you that we weren't that involved, you can get it out of your mind"

"I.... can't.... stop.... it... keeps.... plaguing.... me..." and with every word he thrust deeper and deeper into me. I give into my mind and I'm lost again. I'm at the beach in a yellow bikini and I'm happy soaking in the sun. I lay there just enjoying it then suddenly someone is shaking me and I want them to stop because its beginning to feel uncomfortable.

I blink repeatedly because my head is spinning and I'm trying to make sense of where I am and what is going on. I immediately remember where I am and I assume that I passed out again.

"I can't handle this Ray" I say as i rise up and throw up. I continue heaving and struggling to breathe and I feel lightening running through my body.

He returns quickly with a damp cloth and passes it over my face. "Calm down babe, concentrate on your breathing, easy now" I try but its coming to rapidly. "I... can't... breathe..." I muster out.

He's rubbing my back, wiping my face and whispering softly into my ear.

I feel relief approaching but not fast enough. "Lemme guess, you're sorry? " I spit out at him. He just bows his head in defeat.

After I get over my panic attack I lay down and go to sleep.

I'm in a hall of white, people are buzzing by, the're dressed like nurses. Everything is white. I get up and walk down the hall, I see a door ahead and I open it; Ray's inside and he's crouched over; he's shaking and sweating profusely.

"Ray?" I say with my hands stretched out to touch him. "Don't touch him, this is all your fault, I knew there was something that I didn't like about you. Get away from here you trãmp! You took my baby away from me" his mom frantically sobs.

Eloise Duncan-Johansson, Raymond's mother. The perfect example of what a mother should be but in the most beautiful package. Eloise is mixed with a lot of different races, but whatever the portion of each, she looks perfect!

She's fifty-two and looks not much older than me, she has curly locks that look auburn in the sunlight but black in the shade and sparkling hazel eyes. Her eyes are slanted showing that she has Asian heritage and her complexion is a glimmering golden caramel. If my babies with Ray can look like her, sign me up for fifteen kids!

We met a few times for dinner and at Gala's; she was always pleasant to me, never overly social but never rude, maybe because of her upbringing. I never played an active part in getting to know her or anyone in Ray's family but i always admired her beauty.

"What's wrong with him? What did I do?"

"You did this! you did this!" I look to where the chants were. A group of nurses were shouting at me and moving in closer surrounding me. "Why did you have to be a whøre? Why did you have to make him crazy? Are you happy now?" They questioned in union.

I jump out of my dream and I'm sweating and panicking, Ray is laying next to me safe and sound, I quietly smile and I'm glad it was a dream. I eventually slip back into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up later to rose petals scattered around the bed and leading to the living area, breakfast prepared and set out. Ray was out on the balcony so i went to greet him.

"Good morning" I say as I wrap my hands around him and bury my face in his back. He chuckles and says good morning and the somber look that he had on his face returns. "What's wrong?" I ask. He turns and holds my waist; "Don't worry your pretty head about it" and he kisses my forehead. "Anything special you want to do today?".

"I just want to stay in and probably go home soon" I say the last part with hesitation because I'm not sure what he wants or if he thinks that this means that I'm leaving him. "I want our fresh start to begin there" he doesn't respond so I continue "If you need to stay and work at the hospital I'll understand but I don't want to stay on this island".

"When do you want to leave?" He asks after a short silence.

"As soon as possible " I respond hopefully.

"Okay". I'm shocked and a number of questions starts running through my head. I decide not to press and just let it be.

He soon leaves and I'm on my own again.

The day passes quietly; I lay in bed for most of it; I decide to get out of the suite and buy a new dress. Like most women shopping always makes me feel better.

I get to this clustered shopping area and people are buzzing by, I look but i don't feel their energy; in fact I might as well be at a cafe because I feel somber.

I turn to walk in the direction of the hotel. I came via cab but I just feel like walking; I walk along the busy street and wave to a few people who smiled at me. I slow my pace because something caught my eye, my spirits lifts immediately because I know this is the perfect thing to get.

I get a cab and go straight home excitedly. I scream when I see Raymond in the doorway facing me "Oh my gosh, you scared me! " I yell while panting.

"Didn't mean to; where were you Lici?"

"I went to the shopping area down town; why, did I worry you?"

"Immensely" he replied.

"I got you something!" And I grin till my face hurts knowing that he would love this gift.

"Maybe later I have something to ask you; come sit" he starts "Are you and Tyson Bedford still involved?"

"No why?" I ask confused.

"Because of these" and he drops some pictures on the desk and they scatter some even fall to the floor. I pick one up and it's of me in Tysons pool in my underwear from the first day we spent time together "this is from a long time ago, where did you get these?"

"Actually the're from two days ago, when I left you alone and you swore you stayed in"

"What?" I asked confused and I look at the date stamp saying two days ago. "This is crazy Ray, why the hell is he doing this?"

He scoffs because he doesn't believe me.

"Are you going to continue to embarrass me, are you going continue fuçkïng this bastard?" And his voice is a low shout as if someone is in the room with us and he's scolding me.

"Raymond, I swear this is a set up, I don't know what he expects to gain from this but this is a lie, this was almost two weeks ago"

"Wow, two weeks ago this man was fuçkïng my wife; a few days after our wedding, wow. I must be some kind of a fool"

"Nothing happened Ray" I'm crying now because this is hampering all of the progress that we've made. "I swear nothing happened between us, EVER"

"I just can't with you anymore, I'm done; you can have your divorce" he says defeated.

"Ray I'm sorry, don't say that please, this is what he wants; you are the only man I've ever been with I swear, I swear, please".

"Don't f*****g insult my intelligence by playing me for a fool, I saw him leaving our hotel room remember" he grinds his teeth and gets up in my face. "You frustrating woman!" He yells "I don’t know why I can't hate you, I.... I.... you were made for me and I am going to keep you". He whispers into my mouth.

"I love you and i'm sorry Ray"

"You don't love me yet Alicia; don't say things to make me feel better. When you do love me I'll know"

"How could you say something like that, I have never cared about any man like this. I do feel something different for you and it has to be lov.." and I'm cut off when he presses his lips against mine.

"Shut up please" when he pulls away from me he grabs his briefcase, heads to the door and leaves.

Its been almost six hours and Ray isn't back yet, calls to his phone are unanswered, I'm beginning to worry because he doesn't have work tonight.

I pace the room touching everything because I’m not sure what to do with myself. I call the hospital and they confirm his absence. "Where are you Ray" I question aloud.

I try to figure where he could have gone; I don’t know if he has friends here. The only places I have seen him go were business places and they are surely closed at 12:43am.

I think and think, nothing! I decide to go out and look for him. I grab a cardigan and head out, I see the edge of a picture peeping out and my heart stops. No, No, No he couldn't have, I hope he didn't.

Ray has gone to see Tyson!

I pull my phone out and call Ray again, no answer still. I decide that I need to call Tyson before I jump to conclusions but I dread talking to him, it may just be worse if I never find out what's going on.

I wait impatiently in my car as the phones rings over and over. "Hello?"

"What's up baby?"

"Don't baby me Tyson! Is my husband there?"

"Your husband! Wow! So he's your 'husband' now?"

"He always was Tyson, where is he?" I grind out growing irritated.

"He's in an ambulance, and don't call my phone looking for him again. Call when you need me to come over and satisfy you" I shake off his nonsense statement "what hospital is he going to?"

"Bye Alicia" and with that, he hangs up on me.