Akrasia (bxb)

Chapter Four

David tried to clean himself up like his father asked, but it was hard. He could barely move his arms without pain searing through him. So that left him in front of the bathroom sink, his sweaty curls stuck to his face as tears ran down his cheeks.

There was a knock at the door, but David didn't respond to it. He just wanted to be left alone. It seemed like whoever was behind the door didn't get the memo, so they made their way inside.

"It's just me. You decent?" It was Karen and her too soft voice. David just grunted in response. He could see in the reflection of the mirror, could see her eyes go wide and her jaw drop. Like she hadn't seen him get beaten before.

She didn't say anything about it, though. She just took a few more cautious steps towards him, and just reached for the open first aid kit on the counter.

"Don't need help, Karen." David muttered, but made no actual effort to stop her from picking up the rubbing alcohol.

"Just lean forward, okay? And please stay still." Karen instructed. He bit back his pride and did as he was told. It took everything in him not to flinch away from her when the alcohol touched his wounds.

Karen was surprisingly careful as she cleaned and bandaged his back. She used to be a nurse before she met William. David could tell she was good at her job. No way he would ever tell her that though.

"Looks like you won't need stitches. That's good. Now, let's get you dressed." Then she was gone, out the door and on her way to David's room.

He had to admit that having her help him get dressed was more humiliating than her cleaning his back. But he knew, rationally, that he needed the help. One wrong move could break the bandages and have him bleeding through his shirt.

She picked out a dark colored button down and David knew it was for that exact reason. She got him dressed like he was a damn toddler. He looked passed the top of her head as she buttoned it up all the way, making sure to bring the chain out and over the fabric so it wasn't hidden.

Her fingers lingered there on the cross. David wanted to push her away. But he didn't have any fight left. Especially when her green eyes looked so sad.

"David, I know this doesn't mean much, but I am sorry." She looked up at him then and he could see the tears pooling at the corners of her eyes, "I wish there was more I could do."

He didn't know what to say. It wasn't like was expecting her to do anything. He learned long ago that no one was going to save him.

Besides, Karen was just as trapped as he was. She wasn't allowed to work or even have her own car. She was William's housewife, nothing more. Just like Meredith was.

It was all about control. William had to have control over everything, or things would get bad.

So, David guessed he understood. He just didn't have it in him to voice that.

"David," There was Abigail's voice again. She was standing in the doorway in her light pink church dress. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail and she was wearing a thin, white headband that had a little bow on the left side of it. She probably would have looked cute if it wasn't for her red, puffy eyes.

David really hated seeing her cry. He hated even more that he was the reason for it. His fists clenched at his sides, and that was finally when Karen finally stepped away.

"Come on, sweetie. Let's clean you up." Karen cooed at Abigail while she gently pulled her away.

Leaving David alone with his thoughts until it was time to leave.

~*~

They arrived too late for Sunday school, so Abigail just sat with them in the main building. The pastor was going on about sin, sinners, and where they were going to go if they didn't repent. David felt it to his core.

Then there was his father's palm against the nape of his neck. It might've looked like a normal gesture to anyone sitting in the pews behind them, but it wasn't, not at all. Whenever the pastor would mention anything about hell and the wrath of God, the grip only got tighter.

Listen good, boy. And remember.

Without having to say an actual word, William got his point across.

~*~

David's boots crunched along the gravel parking lot as he made his way back to his dad's car. He felt a tad bit better since Karen had slipped him a pain pill before they left, and then another one during service. He went to the bathroom and popped it in his mouth dry.

He was starting to feel it make the pain drift away. It was the good stuff; her prescriptions. But just because he was feeling better didn't mean he was ready to have someone run up behind him, even if that person was Abigail.

"What the hell?" David hissed as she ran in front of him. Their respective parents were still in the church talking to other members, and he knew they'd probably be waiting awhile before they actually left. His stomach was growling; he hadn't eaten anything since that last night's supper.

He really didn't feel like dealing with his thirteen-year-old stepsister.

"Are you okay?" She asked in a whisper, her eyes so wide that they'd probably pop out of her head. He could see the cogs turning in her head, the image of it still fresh in her mind no doubt. She was probably plotting when she could tell an adult, since her mother was going to be of no help.

David couldn't have that.

"Mind your goddamn business, Abigail." David snapped without really meaning to, "And while you're at it, leave me the hell alone." He shoved past her then, despite the fact it all made him feel worse.

They got in the back of William's truck, into the cramped backseat. So much for her leaving him alone. Wasn't like she could really do that with such little space between them.

"David... what's a... f-faggot?" She stuttered out like she hadn't cussed before. Like she knew it was a slur but couldn't figure out why. She also seemed nonplussed by David's warning to leave him alone. Typical, he thought dryly.

"...It's a bad word used for boys who like other boys. Usually." He answered after a beat of silence. He was staring out the window, pointedly not looking at her, but instead at the entrance of the church.

He could feel her eyes on him.

"So... you like boys?" Abigail's tone was cautious and soft like her mom's. David sighed and ran a hand over his face.

"Yeah, Abby. I do." There wasn't really a point in denying it out loud anymore. He still wouldn't look at her though.

"So, what? I don't... I don't think there's anything wrong with that." She said, her voice getting surer with each word. He looked up at her then, at her scrunched up, determined little features.

Maybe he did care about her. A little bit at least.

"Just because you're okay with it doesn't mean others are. People have been hurt because of this. People have died. You can't tell anyone, okay?" He didn't look away from her until she finally nodded. I promise, she had mumbled. He could see William and Karen finally make their way to the truck.

"And another thing. You can't tell anyone about what my dad did. No one will believe you, Abby. Trust me." He remembered being in elementary school coming to class with bruises, knowing that the teachers could see them and would even look at him with pity in their eyes, but no one did a damn thing about it. She had to realize telling anyone was fruitless.

And as their respective parents got into their seats, David didn't miss that she hadn't promised anything that time.

He hoped that wouldn't come to bite him in the ass.

~*~

His English teacher, Mrs. Welch, noticed something straight away. She kept him after class, her face full of pity. It made him nervous. It made him want to run.

"Is something the matter, dear? You don't seem interested today." She asked, her tone sweet in that old-timey way. David just straightened his back and gave her a nonchalant smile.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Welch. Just tired." He gave, but her lips formed a tight, wrinkled line. She wasn't convinced. He could feel his heart rate spike. Once again, he wanted to run.

Mrs. Welch just sighed. "If you ever need help with anything, just let me know." With that, he was finally able to leave. He shot up from the chair and went for the door. He was so close to the exit, so close to freedom, but then she raised her hand, holding it up just to casually touch his back—

David flinched.

She saw it, she had to, because her face was twisted up in this sad, knowing stare. He couldn't take it any longer.

He tried to give her some sort of smile, but it most likely looked like a grimace as he finally ran out the door and to the nearest bathroom so he could get the hammering in his chest under control.

David had a strong feeling that he was, without an inch of doubt,

Screwed.

~*~

"Are you okay?"

David was getting tired of that question. He understood that he must've looked off. While he was usually the guy that tried his best to seem happy, he couldn't find it in him to fake it. Not on a Monday with the worst school lunch ever sitting in front of him. Not when a teacher had probably found out the truth.

And especially when it was Brooke who was asking. She was leaning in too close, the smell of her perfume and hairspray too strong. It made his head hurt. He wished his stepmom slipped him another pill for the road.

"I'm fine, sweetheart. Don't worry about me." He smiled sweetly at her. That seemed to be enough as she beamed and brushed her shoulder against his, much to Brian's disgust. Maybe he still held a grudge, if his yellowing bruises weren't proof enough.

Michael didn't look convinced. David didn't know why he was worried about him though. He should have been worrying about his girlfriend.

Rebecca wasn't sitting with them. She was in the corner of the cafeteria, sitting next to Marcus in his usually empty table. Michael didn't even look phased by it.

"You're not at all worried about Marcus taking your girl, Magi?" Brian asked after a while. It was obvious he was trying not to use the word 'freak' while in David's presence.

Michael just rolled his eyes. "She's allowed to have friends, Brian." And then in a softer tone he added, "Her and I had a long talk. It's okay." As he said this, he looked up at David with a shy smile. It made David's chest swell with warmth.

It made him remember being in his bed, with his arms around him. Or even before that, when all they did was lay there. Just breathing. The safest David had ever felt in his entire life.

And it wasn't right for him to feel that way. He didn't deserve it.

Still, he couldn't help the blush that spread across his cheeks. And he surly didn't miss the relieved look on Michael's face at the sight of it.

He had no time to question it, because the bell had rung, forcing them all out of their seats and to their next class.

~*~

David's back started to ache just before gym. Or maybe it had been hurting the entire time, and that was when he finally noticed it. He wasn't sure. All he really knew for sure was that he wasn't going to sit out. He wasn't going to be a little b***h about a game of dodgeball.

He was moving too fast, going in too hard, but he couldn't stop. David couldn't let himself seem weak. He could handle it.

David could handle all the other boy's stares in the locker room. His back was bleeding just a little bit, and he used the lukewarm spray to wash it away, no matter how much it stung.  And if anyone asked about it, it was met with: "Mind your f*****g business or I'll kick your ass." Maybe it was the hard edge to his tired voice, but the threat had worked, much to his amusement. It wasn't like he could really do much in that state.

Soon enough, he found himself alone by the lockers as he got dressed. He should have guessed the solitude wouldn't have lasted long, because a familiar presence was standing beside him.

"Talk to me, Johnson. What happened to your back?" Michael asked, his tone warm and full of concern. David couldn't find it in him to threaten him. Instead, he just shut his locker and shook his head.

"I'm fi-"

"Don't you dare say you're fine. We both know that's a lie." Michael cut him off, his hand in a tight grip around David's wrist to keep him from running away.

David's brow furrowed; his glare directed at Michael's too warm hands. "Let go." He couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle Michael.

"What happened?" Michael demanded.

David tried to pull his arm away, but it was no use. Michael was too strong, too warm. He wanted to melt into him. And that just pissed David off more than anything.

"You don't want to know, Smith. Now let go." David's tone was venomous. He had no idea what he might actually do. His hands were shaking with his anger. Always so angry, and he never exactly knew why. All he knew for sure was he wanted to punch Michael's gorgeous face. He wanted Michael to hate him. And maybe then David would stop feeling things he didn't understand.

"I do want to know. Just talk to me, man." Michael pleaded. His brown eyes looked so soft, so open. It was all too much.

David let out a hysterical laugh, "What do you want to know? That my dad beats me? You wanna know that my dad beat me for being a queer?" He was finally able to snatch his hand away thanks to Michael going shock still at the confession.

He guessed Michael couldn't handle the news. It made David feel even on edge as he stared at those wide, whiskey brown eyes.

"Go ahead and tell the school, Magi. Bet your friend Brian would love this. Him and his friends can set me straight like they did to Marcus' poor little sister." David spat, his words like poison to Michael's ears, he could tell.

Instead of beating him up for being gay, instead of just walking away, Michael leaned into David's space.

Suddenly, their lips were touching. Michael was kissing him, holding him, and David couldn't handle it. He melted right into Michael with a weak little sob, his fingers finally knotting themselves in Michael's hair. It was so soft, so smooth to the touch.

Michael pulled away, still just inches away. "It's okay, David. It's okay." He whispered, just to lean down and kiss him again.

Everything in David, for a change, wanted to believe him. He wanted it all to be okay. He wanted to hide away with Michael and have it always be warm, always be safe. The thought ended with a shaky breath as Michael's fingers carded through his curls.

Then the sound of the squeaky swinging door caused them both to pull away from each other. They were protected by a locker wall, so no one would have saw them. But it didn't stop the panic as Coach Campbell came into view.

"Johnson, they're calling you down in the office. They say it's urgent."

David felt as though he was on autopilot as he nodded in response. Time was moving all too slow as he walked through the too long hallways. Michael was beside him, trying to talk to him, telling him once again that it was all going to be okay.

David wanted to believe it. He really did. But as they finally found the office and saw two police officers waiting, he knew it wouldn't be.

"David-" Michael tried again, but David was already walking through the door. He looked up at the officers with a tired gaze. Behind them stood Mrs. Welch, Karen and Abigail. All looking at him with cautious stares.

He really was screwed.

~*~

David really had no fight left in him.

He answered their questions honestly. He let them see his back. Let them take pictures as evidence. Even Karen and Abigail spoke their truths. They had enough to arrest William Johnson.

It was weird coming home with the thought that William wouldn't be there for a while. As soon as they got back to the house, Karen was applying for nursing positions. And Abigail was still trying to talk to David. She kept asking if he was okay. He couldn't answer because he wasn't sure.

It was just a lot all at once. Too much change in one day. He had to leave, and soon.

That was how he found himself sitting in his Camaro, driving down long country roads until he finally got to the city. He kept driving until he got to the rich part of town. David wanted to feel Michael's warmth, because right at that moment, all he felt was cold.

His mouth still tingled where Michael had kissed him. It had been intense and full of urgency, like he was trying to prove a point. He wanted more of that. And when he pulled up the driveway and parked right behind Michael’s BMW, he didn't hesitate until he was already at the door. He'd pressed the doorbell already; it was too late to turn back despite everything in him saying it was a bad idea.

But as soon as he saw Michael's face, he knew that wasn't the case.

Michael pulled him inside and as soon as his front door was closed, he brought David into a tight embrace. Everything David had been trying to block out spilled out in that very moment. David collapsed onto his knees and Michael fell with him, his arms still around him, warm and secure.

David cried against Michael's shoulder for what felt like hours, though surely it was only a few minutes. Michael was cooing in his ear, whispering sweet little things that somehow made David feel just a bit better. Soon enough he was finally able to stand on his own two feet, and he made sure to wipe his tears away as he apologized for being such a baby.

Michael just shook his head at him, a fond smile playing at his lips as he leaned in and kissed David. Sweet and slow. Something David was not used to at all.

Michael pulled away slightly, his eyes low and hooded. Anticipation swirled in David's gut. Were they really going to-

"Are you hungry?" Michael asked with a grin. It caused a breathy laugh to spill from David, his cheeks even darker from where his mind tried to go. Besides that, his stomach growled loudly between them at the thought of food.

He hadn't touched his lunch at school. He was too anxious to eat. But somehow, being there with Michael made him feel better.

David managed a nod in response and then Michael was leading him to the living room. He sat David onto the plush cushions and handed him the remote. He was gone and out into the hall, most likely rummaging through the kitchen for some food.

It was easier to look around the house without a crowd people inside. He could see their family pictures better.

Michael's mom was a beautiful woman. Her skin was the same shade of russet brown as Michael's, and her hair was even longer. Her smile was wide and bright with deep dimples onto her cheeks. And while her husband was just an average looking white guy with ginger hair and a round belly, he also looked kind.

Michael even had pictures of just him and his stepfather, all smiles and everything. Like the one picture on the mantle, where Michael had won a race when he was still on the middle school track team. Mr. Smith looked so proud of him.

He couldn't help but wonder what happened to Michael's biological father. Coming up with theories in his head, admittedly, was a helpful distraction from his own life falling apart around him. 

"Here," Michael said as he handed David a warm bowl of soup. "Made this last night. Thought it wouldn't hurt to have some leftovers." And then he sat down on the couch beside David who had already started eating. The mix of vegetables, potatoes, and warm broth eased the hunger pangs. And just left him satisfied all together.

"This is so good." David practically moaned as he slurped up what was left. Michael smiled at him; his dimples just as deep as his mother's. It was too cute. David felt the urge to rest his hand on his cheek, so he did. He let his thumb run across his cheek bone, the skin there getting warmer as the seconds past. 

David didn't want to ruin the moment. He truly didn't want to make Michael run away. But he was curious as to where they stood. This didn't feel like a one-time hook up. They hadn't even done anything remotely s****l-not that David was in the mood for that, anyway. 

The fact was Michael was just with Rebecca that past weekend. And maybe that should be a moot point, because David's original plan was to hook up regardless of Michael's relationship status. All he really knew for sure was that it didn't really sit well with him anymore. That in itself was scary.

His hand dropped from Michael's cheek. "What happened between you and Rebecca?" He couldn't help it; he feared the answer. Michael's smile was sad as he took David's hand in his. 

"It’s been over between Rebecca and I for a while now, if I'm being honest. Ever since what happened to Marcus'... sister... last year, we've been growing apart. It shouldn't have happened. And I... I didn't do anything to stop it."

Michael looked away then and David intertwined their fingers to show that he was still there, that he was still listening. No matter how hard it was to take in.

"I was there when Brian pulled that stunt with his redneck buddies. I tried to tell them to stop, but... I could have done more, y'know? They just... they attacked her. Ripped her dress. Took her jewelry. Busted her face." He sucked in a deep breath, his hands shaking. "I didn't know what they were planning. If I had known..." Michael started to blink rapidly, like he was trying to force away tears.

"Marcus was my friend. Rebecca's, too. And when she heard about what happened, when she heard that I was there and didn't do enough, I could tell she lost respect for me. It's just been a lot of faking from there. Faking smiles and dates just to make our parents happy." He looked back at David then, his eyes wet and glassy from the tears he'd been holding back.

"Then I met you. And you just... you reminded me that I didn't have to pretend. So, I took your advice and finally talked to Rebecca. We decided it was best for her and me to go back to being friends. I was going to find a smoother way to tell you and somehow make my move, but then I saw your back and I.-.." He shook his head again and took in a deep breath, like the thought alone only served to piss him off.

David managed a shy smile, "Your timing was great. And so was the kiss." He wasn't used to feeling so much at once. It was strange and scary, but not bad. "And we've all done things we're not proud of, Michael." He added cautiously. He didn't really know what to say, not about that anyway. It was hard to picture. And it couldn't have been any easier for someone who witnessed it.

"Let's not think about the heavy stuff for now, okay? We can just watch TV." David suggested, but before he could go and do that, Michael took him gently by the nape of his neck and kissed him. David wasn't at all surprised that he melted right into it. He wondered if that was going to happen every time. 

When he pulled away, he was still so close, his big hands cradling David's flushed cheeks. Something warm and tight pooled in the seventeen-year-old's chest. He knew then that he was, yet again, screwed. For a completely different reason. 

For the moment though, he let himself fall into it.  He let Michael pull him close as he cut on his big TV. They sat just like that and watched Charlie's Angels reruns, Michael's long fingers carding through David's curls. 

Just like before, David felt cradled in Michael's warmth and safety. There was still a nagging thought in the back of his head that his father would somehow step in and ruin this. Or that he would ruin this.

David still wasn't sure it what it all was, what they were, but he did hope that it would last.

~*~