Midnight Smiles

Come back here sanity, you b***h!!!

Okay why should it feel right to call her mine. She wasn’t mine. Right? I mean come on. She doesn’t even know who I am. My name... My face... I’m all a mystery to her. And I’m the one keeping it that way. For sure, I could end all of this in just one second. I could show her my face, let her know who I am. Maybe she would want to keep talking to me. To see me... And maybe she won’t... And the last is the “most likely to happen” possibility.

The problem is... That even though she can choose to stop seeing me... Talking to me, every possible moment... I can’t blame her for that. It is her right. Her choice. A choice that could brake my broken heart. Seriously how can you break something broken?

And the fact that she could do that was what-the-f**k to me. Many people have left me in this life.... No matter in what way... They left... And I didn’t want history to repeat itself again and again until all is left from me is just a shadow... A shadow of the man I once used to be. Only broken pieces behind the face of a man... Whose eyes look like a car crash...

I should be the one leaving her. It was wrong what I was doing to her. But also I was the one who didn’t want her to leave me. If she did... Would I go back to drugs?

Yeah, yeah... I know. I know what I said about the drug thing... But deep down, I knew she was the reason why I wasn’t taking them. If it wasn’t enough the fact that I go to her room in the middle of the night like a mystery covered in a hoodie, me being that mystery... A drugged mystery would make things worse. I couldn’t do that to her. True, I felt like using her to feel better. Like I used her presence... Her smile... Her voice.... Her scent... To forget everything. To forget who I was.

Because sometimes it is an escape to don’t be yourself.

The perfect escape from your own life.

It helped me to run away from my demons.

And as the frown Ry had in her face, turned into a smile, I couldn’t stop feeling bad. How could I do this to her?

“So what did you do yesterday?” I tried to shake those thoughts out of my mind. Lying down on her bed, I crossed my arms under my head and closed my eyes. The best thing I could do is to try to keep all of this simple. Besides... In one point this would be over. Nothing lasts forever. I know that. And unfortunately I learned that in the hard way.

“I’m not going to tell you what I did last night. I wouldn’t even tell Jasmine if she didn’t blackmail me.” She said her voice raising a bit. Not expecting that reaction from her, I raised my eyebrows at her. Now I really wanted to know.

“Why? You can tell me everything. I won’t tell anyone.” I smirked keeping my eyes closed.

“Why are you so curious?” Opening my eyes, I looked at her frowning face.

Because you made me curious.

Well I wanted to say that, but I didn’t. I sat up on her bed still smirking. It was the best way to hide emotions from the others. Smirk... Smile... Laugh... People don’t notice it. “I like to know who was so important to you, to forget about me.” My words made her nervous. I could tell that because she started to play with the corner of her pyjamas. “Are you blushing?” The words escaped my mouth as curiosity filled my whole being.

“How did you know I was blushing?” She murmured. I was right? She was blushing? Wow. Wait a minute. Why was she blushing?

“I’m a cat. I can see at night.” I said and meowed. What the f**k was that? Jake you i***t, you meowed. Like f*****g meowed. Am I high? What the hell is wrong with me?

And my little Ry laughed.

“Calm down kitty.”She said between laughs. I smiled at her laugh. Not even noticing it, I was appreciating this moment more than I thought I would.

Funny how the little moments are the ones that means more to us. Only if I could freeze the time, in one of those moments, I would be... Could I be happy in one of those moments?

“So? Who were you with?” I crossed my legs under me and waited for her to answer curious.

What? It’s not like I have a really exciting life. Of course I would watch the others’ business.

“What makes you think I was with someone? I... was doing my homework.” Ry lied. A small laugh left my mouth at her try. It was cute.

“You can’t lie to me little Ry.” My voice was low. Not having a freaking idea how, I was leaning forward so we could be closer. Her sweet scent filled my nostrils, making my mouth water.

“How can you tell I’m lying?” She frowned, not even noticing that we were so close. Why were we so close? You f*****g i***t.

“I just can. Now... back to the topic. Who is the lucky guy?” I moved away from her. This is insanity...

I smiled at that thought.

This was one of the sweetest way to loose sanity.

No matter how, that b***h refuses to stay with me. Come back here sanity, you b***h!!!

I have lost it. That is final.

“Who said it was a boy?” Okay she is definitely not good at lying. She was smirking at me, crossing her arms over her chest. I couldn’t help it. So I leaned closer to her again, crossing my arms like her, and tried to keep a straight face.

“Are you a lesbian?” I joked, but since I’m the future Leonardo De Caprio she didn’t notice that and started coughing.

“I’m straight thank you very much.” The words came out between coughs. She liked someone doesn’t she?

That thought hit my head with a f*****g arrow. It was obvious. And I couldn’t deny it, I felt sad but not having any idea where that feeling came from, I just brushed it away. I could be sad once I was back home. But that thought didn’t let me.

“Do you like this guy?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because.” I have no idea why do I want to know. True I had a crush on her. But it was two years ago. It was gone. It vanished with the past. And I was an i***t then... İ still am an i***t. Ask the news for that. How the heck people thought I was going to jump off the roof? It is just ridiculous. Just because I was drunk and I was on the edge of the roof... Okay they were right and I am the unchanging i***t I will always be.

“You are annoying.” She muttered still frowning, snapping me out of my thoughts. I laughed at her childish act and just because I have no idea why, I hugged her. It was like in those moments, I needed a hug.

Maybe I should buy a teddy bear for hugs.

“Ooh! Did I upset little Ry?” I said treating her like a baby. Puh-lease Jake. We all know you are the baby in all of these.

“You are mean.” Ry slapped me as I started to laugh again, but this time louder. It was like those times when you are so sad for no idea and you just start laughing. Just so you won’t cry. Covering the tears with laughter. It is the saddest thing in the world... But not everyone can be happy. I can’t be happy.

Ry almost slapped my mouth shut. Her hand was on my lips making me feel weird, but like I said... The best way to cover up every other feeling is to laugh. After all... In all of these there aren’t feelings involved. She laughed with me. “Sh-sh.... shshshsh...!” She laughed with me. No matter how much she tried to shush both of us, it was hopeless. Instead of calming down, I fell backwords on her bed taking her with me. Her small body was on top of me as I was still laughing and the scent.... Her scent hit me hard as the realization of the position we were hit me hard.

This is wrong.

I sat up again, my laughter dying slowly. It was the best to leave now. But as I opened my mouth to tell that to her... “Do you want to sleep? Are you tired?”

“No. Why?”

“I was thinking...” My everything was saying the opposite. It was carving for it.

Just leave Jake!!!

“What?” Her tone sounded curious and that made me smile.

When did I ever heard my mind? If I would, I wouldn’t be calling myself an i***t half of the time.

“If you wanted to go out and do something. Now!”

“Now?” She gasped shocked as I nodded eagerly. “But... what about your face? You don’t want to show it Mr. I’m to cool for you to see me.”. Okay I don’t want to admit it, but somehow I had planned this before. I just didn’t have the balls to do it. It was the right thing to do to don’t do this at all.

Guess who found the balls?

“Don’t worry about that Ry. I have that sorted out.” I smirked at her. “Just me and you little Ry.” The words escaped my lips in a soft tone. Just me and her. Just the both of us... Okay definitely I am one crazy ass of a man. “Or are you scared of the night?”

“I’m not. I’m friends with the Midnight.” She smirked at me as mine grew bigger. Somehow I was starting to like her calling me Midnight... She had managed to make me look forward for that time of the night... Just so I could see her. To loose myself... To feel free... To breath... “But I can’t sneak out I...”

And the breathing f****d me up.

Hell no girl. I just found my balls to ask you out... Okay not in that way but whatever. There was no way I was going to let my balls to be wasted. What the f**k am I talking about? This sounds so wrong.

My face went close to hers. “Go wild for a while Ry.”

That sentence is SO going to be in my book.

Back to the topic.

Shit!!! When did we become so close.... Her scent... Why the hell does she have to smell so good? It is unfair how she made my mouth water just by being so close to me. It made me feel like a f*****g werewolf for some unknown reasons.

And that’s when I noticed my heart beating fast.

That... Well it scared me. Why was it beating that way? What was happening to me? Or to be more clear, what the f**k is wrong with me? I need my drug. But I didn’t want to take it... Yet... How much was that “yet” going to last?

My hand grabbed hers. “I promise you. We will have fun little Ry!”

This night wasn’t over... I didn’t want it to be... I wasn’t going to let it be over... Not yet. Not now...