Midnight Smiles

Don\'t come in unless you have brought me ice cream

I've been wasting all this time

Trying to keep you off my mind, yeah

You off my mind, but no more

I've been wasting all these nights

Trying to keep you off my mind, yeah

You off my mind, no more

Ry...

I opened my eyes slowly. The whole room was in darkness. Trying to get up, my head hammed me back to the bed. Groaning from the headache, I got up slipping out of the bed, to fall on the floor flat in my ass.

Well that hurt.

Getting up from the floor I noticed Jeremy lied down in the same bed I was. It took me a while to realize I was in my room. What happened last night...

Oh yeah, never mind.

Do I have to say I'm an i***t?

"Jake." Aiden entered the room. He was glaring at me hard really pissed off.

"I didn't do nothing." I raised my hands in the air.

"Nothing? You are all over the news you idiot." He shouted as I stared at him dumbfounded.

"I'm famous?"

"We are famous?" Jeremy got up from the bed immediately, the worst thing to do as for sure he had a hungover, so yeah... That leaded to him falling on the floor with his face. Luckily this time his nose didn't bleed.

"No, you are idiots." Aiden exclaimed.

Well... We really were all over the news. "The men on the rooftop try to commit suicide." I rolled my eyes at that. So original. Note the sarcasm. "If I wanted to commit suicide, I would have done it by now." Not thinking about what I was saying, the words escaped my mouth. The hurt in Aiden eyes hurt me. It stabbed me straight into my heart.

I was about to say something, but at the same time I opened my mouth... "JAKE!!!" Natalie entered the room in a rush. The second she saw me she hugged me hard, her face buried in my chest. "Are you okay?" Shocked, from her actions, I just nodded. "Great, so I can kill you myself." She punched me hard in the stomach making me groan. But she didn't stop with that. "You freaking i***t. Why the hell do you take that f*****g drug?"

So they think I was drugged? But, I haven't even seen the drug for days now. I still didn't sleep and had those flashbacks... But the drug I bought that night was hidden in the back of my drawer... It was still there since I put it there... It never left the drawer.

"You are ruining your freaking life with that freaking drug..."

"I haven't taken drugs lately." I shouted pushing her away annoyed. They all looked at me shocked. What? I could do what I wanted to do. It wasn't like I was addicted. It wasn't like I drugged myself every day. All I did was to take one or two in a week so I could sleep... Or forget the pain. I had given up from the pills the psychiatrist gave me a long time ago. They were just useless. "Stop looking at me like that."

"But then how..." Natalie was trying to say still shocked. Oh for God's sake. It isn't like it is mission impossible to don't take drugs. People do it all the time around the whole world.

"We were drunk." Jeremy said walking to me and threw his arm around my shoulders. I smiled at him.

"That smile." Natalie pointed at my lips while Aiden was looking at me like he was seeing me for the first time. Seriously? This is getting ridiculous.

Maybe I should go back in the closet.

"What made you change Jake?" Aiden asked me and I glared at him.

"Stop. Stop saying I'm changing. I'm not. I'm not changing. If I was... I would have been the first to notice it." I shouted at him. The last think I wanted was him to have hopes that I knew for sure, later will die slowly in agony because of me. I didn't want to let him down. But he was forcing me to. And I couldn't do that to him.

"You are scared Jake." Natalie said in a soft voice, trying to calm me down.

"Yeah. And I'm also Jennifer Lopez." I shouted and walked to my closet and got in it. Shutting close the doors of it, I shouted again. "Get out of my room, and don't come in unless you have brought me ice cream."

"He can't be serious." I heard Jeremy's voice.

"I am dead serious. Now get out before I make any of you dead." After that I heard footsteps and everything fell in silence.

I wasn't changing. Why can't they get that? It was impossible. How could I change? Okay I know I haven't taken the drug, but that doesn't mean anything. It was nothing.

I've been wasting all this time

Trying to keep you off my mind, yeah

You off my mind, but no more

I've been wasting all these nights

Trying to keep you off my mind, yeah

You off my mind, no more

As those lyrics crossed my mind again, the image of Ry appeared in front of my eyes.

Shit!!!! I didn't go to see her last night.

I got up immediately bumping my head against God knows what. For a few minutes I could see fireworks. More like stars exploding. Rubbing my head hard, like that would take the pain away, I got out of the closet. The first thing I did after that was to take my phone and see the time.

It was almost midnight.

Before I could understand what I was doing, I grabbed my hoodie and walked out of my room. Natalie, Aiden and Jeremy, all looked at me with confused faces. "Where are you going?" Aiden shouted worried. His tone made me slow down and turn to him with a small smile... Almost unrecognizable.

"To loose myself." I answered and stormed out of the house running down the road.

Bypolar much?

Kind of.

But the more I was near her house, the more the fear stabed my heart. What if she didn't want to see me? After all I promised her to meet her, and I totally forgot yesterday. In my defense I forgot my own name yesterday and everything else.

Getting drunk could be a way to forget the pain, but drugs were harder to find. That made me keep it in control. Alcohol could be found everywhere. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. Plus... I don't like alcohol that much. It's not like I like drugs... But still...

How could I make it up for her? If she even wanted to see me.

Maybe I should give her something. Make her a surprise? Okay I'm a total i***t. But even after I got silly drunk, I still wanted to do something... Something that would give me adrenaline... Or I don't know. Out of the ordinary?

***

The window was open. Was that a good sign? That she was waiting for me? Or was it like that just in my mind. It was probably just in my mind.

She was sleeping in her bed. I hated the fact that I would wake her up. But... I wanted to talk to her. To hear her voice. To see her smile... And I'm a total i***t.

I leaned over her, and brought my lips near her ear and whispered. "Ry!" My hand touched her shoulder lightly.

Nothing.

She didn't wake up.

"Ry! It's me." I shook her again.

Maybe I should go...

But before I could take even one step towards the window, two arms wrapped around my waist as I felt her warm breath in my chest. Her face was against my chest as she was hugging me tightly. And my reaction to all of this was to freeze.

It caught me by surprise.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't here last night. I'm so sorry. I thought you wouldn't come anymore. I was so afraid." She said in just one breath.

Still in the shocked state I was, my mind finally took in her words. A smile formed in my lips as a soft chuckle escaped them. Great. Now I'm chuckling too.

She was so cute. Like... I don't know how to describe her with words. It was like with the feelings... Words couldn't describe her... Her personality.

"I'm sorry I scared you. But I didn't come here at all last night. Sorry!"

I don't know what reaction I was expecting, but her punching me was out of my predictions. She gasped in shock and punched me in my chest . Why do people like to punch me all the time? Maybe I should start working as a punching bag.

"You i***t!" She started to punch my arms and I have no idea what was I thinking, but I pulled her into a hug. She stopped punching as her body slowly relaxed.

The smile was glued in my face. My body relaxed as well... And I couldn't help the good feeling I was having in me. No drug... No alcohol... Nothing in the world could have felt any better. Nothing would have made me feel better than these moments with her in my arms.

My lips touched her forehead. Maybe I didn't have the right to do these things... But I couldn't help it. It was wrong but it felt right. Nothing weight me down... I found myself lost in those moments.

My soul felt... Not in darkness...

"I'm sorry." I said as my lips brushed against her forehead, still not wanting to lose that moment. I tightened my grip on her. "I didn't think you will miss me so much." She slapped my chest as that made me smirk.

"Jerk!" Ry said with a smile in her face. Looking at her like that... I don't know... It was something warm in my chest as I started to laugh. I was laughing...

I removed my hoodie from my head still laughing at God knows what. Maybe I was laughing at all of this. The whole situation. When I managed to calm down, I noticed Ry staring at my face with narrowed eyes. She was trying to see my face. Knowing that she wouldn't be able to see it, I smirked at her.

"Trying to do the forbidden thing Ry? Bad Ry!" My tone was playful. "I thought we had an agreement." I tried to act like I was disappointed at her. But it was hard since the freaking smirk wouldn't leave my face.

"I don't get it. Why don't you want me see your face? It won't change anything." She frowned and crossed her arms over my chest pissed off. I liked when she did that. It made her look like a little child.... It made her look so innocent. So... bright... And me on the other hand... I was in darkness...

I knew what I was doing to her wasn't right. She had the right to see the face of the man entering her room in the middle of the night. But like the chicken I was, I was scared that she would be able to see through me, if she saw my eyes.

"But my dear Ry... that would change everything."

My Ry... It felt good to call her like that.