Salad Days

Chapter 1 EARTH, North America, 2067 “Guys, when you said you were writing a patch, I didn’t think you were going to go this far.” Dr. Peter Overton stood in a terraced control room with his hands in white lab coat, shaking his head as he looked at 3D character models rotating on a giant screen. The room was filled with game designers and programmers, who were all stewing in their own sweat. There were no windows in the room, and they’d been locked in here for over a year. Dr. Overton wished there was a window so he could air the place out. All of these people either needed to get laid, drunk, or fired. “You can’t seriously expect me to take this report back to my board,” Dr. Overton said. “They’ll laugh me out of the room and then ask for my resignation.” The patch manager, a woman with green hair and a nose ring with a blue tank top and khakis, shrugged. “You asked for the best software programmers in the world,” Kira Banks said. “And you got ‘em, doctor.” Dr. Overton laughed derisively. He pointed to the television screen, where a 3D model of Brocc floated on screen. He wore a white t-shirt and jeans. Daggers hovered next to his face. “I wanted solutions!” he cried. “Do you call this a solution? Do you call this the face of restoration?” Kira frowned. “Step number one when it comes to viruses: be smarter than the virus.” “Step number zero: develop common-sense solutions.” He stepped toward the screen, and the room grew quiet. The rapid typing from keyboards ceased. “Need I remind all of you why you’re here?” he asked. “If only this room had windows, maybe you’d be able to see the panic and frustration outside. There are protesters on the grounds of this hospital, and they’re calling for my head. They’re calling for your heads. Why? Because we’ve got thousands of people in this goddamn hospital hooked up to a virtual reality in which they’re now prisoners, and we’ve been powerless to do anything about it.” He flashed a nasty glance at Kira. “I told you when we first met that I wanted a solution that protected my patients,” he said. “You nodded your heads, you smiled, you repeated my directions to me, and I thought we were on the same page. The first month you struggled—okay—the second month, I remained patient. And throughout all your failures these last year, I have been your most ardent supporter and believer. But my god, this is ridiculous!” He grabbed a computer and threw it to the ground. The screens changed and displayed test models of Geoffrey Foster. The milk shake had a serious look on his face, and he rotated, and peanut butter cup-shaped drones hovered near his head. “My patients could die because of this virus!” he shouted. All around the room, the programmers and designers looked like children being reprimanded. They didn’t move; their eyes were widened. “You’re disengaging my team,” Kira said. “And I won’t have it.” “You’re disengaging me,” Dr. Overton said. Kira gestured to her team. “My programmers have flown in from all over the world, so before you start attacking us, how about you sit down and listen for a change?” Dr. Overton puffed condescendingly. “There’s nothing you can explain to me that can’t be explained by looking at your models.” “Gustave, bring up a world map,” Kira said. A programmer with pomaded hair typed a command. The screen in the front of the room flashed, revealing a large wireframe world map. It was a singular continent, an expansive continent with many terrains. “What happens when a virus takes control of a body, Dr. Overton?” Kira asked. “Viruses don’t take control of bodies,” Dr. Overton said flippantly. “They control systems.” “Semantics,” Kira said, rolling her eyes. “Okay. Sure. So let’s say a rabid dog bites you.” “Good god, Kira.” “You experience a myriad symptoms, one of which is a foaming mouth and hydrophobia. The disease tricks your brain into thinking that water is bad for you. You can’t get a rabies patient to drink it no matter how hard you try, and if you do, their bodies will reject it, right?” “It rarely comes to that due to modern medicine, but yes, I’m with you so far.” “That, Mr. Overton, is what this virus has done to Moderation Online. Keep in mind that this was originally a very simple immersive game about the relationships between humans and healthy foods. There really aren't many game mechanics. But the virus has seized the world, broken the rules, and invented rules of its own.” Dr. Overton sighed. “Humans now have an adverse relationship with healthy foods, and a strong relationship with processed foods, which was completely invented by this virus. These processed foods are like an invasive species of animal. They’re destroying the game world.” “I get it,” Dr. Overton said. “So the only way to fight the virus is to do the same thing that the virus did to the game world, but be smarter.” Dr. Overton looked at the screen. King Carrodias rotated on the screen. The carrot was smiling. Something about a smiling carrot made Dr. Overton nervous. “The vegetables in this world are AI-driven,” Kira said. “What’s fascinating about them is that they don’t know they’re AIs. They have histories, memories, and experiences in this rich world. Due to the virus placing constraints on the code, we can’t introduce any new characters. But we can influence the AIs. And enhance them. We picked a handful of vegetables we felt were promising, and we altered their lives, giving them reasons to fight. Additionally, we identified some vulnerabilities in the virus code, and we are also attempting to subvert those weaknesses. We've inserted our own backdoor code into a few vulnerable processed foods, trying to sway them to switch sides, but we don't ultimately know how successful that will be.” “So you’re going to control them?” Dr. Overton asked. Kira shook her head. “Like I said, they’re AIs. We can only influence so much. Beyond that, it’s all completely random…” “So help me understand this,” Dr. Overton said, “Basically, you’re not doing anything? It’s all passive. Why not just arm the damn vegetables and let them go to war?” “Tried it,” Kira said. “The processed foods are OP.” “OP?” “Overpowered,” Kira said. “We’ve decided to resort to something more…surgical.” “Like specialized military?” “No. Terrorism.” “Jesus.” Dr. Overton steadied himself in his chair. The screen showed models of Brocc, Frank, and Celerity. “You’re telling me you’ve created terrorist vegetables?” Kira nodded. “A group of terrorist vegetables trying to bring down an empire of processed foods,” Dr. Overton said. “Wow. Just wow.” “The goal is to restore the original relationship between humans and healthy foods,” Kira said. “We’ve studied the psychological and social constructs that the processed foods have created. We believe we can subvert them with a couple of precise attacks.” “At least attacking is in your strategy.” “We’re the best programmers in the world,” Kira said. “If this doesn’t work, then all your patients are probably screwed. If it does—well, you owe my entire team a seven course meal.” Dr. Overton ran his hands through his hair and studied the models. Didn’t make sense to him. That was for sure. But he sure as hell didn’t have any better ideas. “Let’s have a cheer for our freedom fighters, then,” he said, throwing his hands up.