Alpha's Secret

I've always felt like I'm living in the shadows, like I'm a ghost hovering on the edges of life. People pass by me, their faces a blur, their voices a distant hum. I'm invisible, and it's a lonely feeling. My name is Emilia, and I'm 21 years old. I've been on my own since I was 16, when my parents died in a car accident. It was like the world had been pulled out from under me, leaving me with nothing but a gaping hole. I remember the day like it was yesterday. The sound of screeching tires, the crunch of metal, the silence that followed. It's a sound that still echoes in my dreams. After that, I bounced from foster home to foster home, never quite finding my place. I was always the outsider, the one who didn't belong. Now, I'm trying to make a life for myself. I work at a small café, painting and writing in my spare time. But the loneliness follows me everywhere. Sometimes, I feel like I'm just going through the motions, like I'm waiting for something to happen, for someone to notice me. But who am I waiting for? I've tried to fill the void with relationships, but they never seem to work out. People get close, but they can't handle the darkness that follows me. They can't handle the emptiness. I've learned to push people away, to keep them at arm's length. It's easier that way. But sometimes, in the quiet moments, I feel like I'm drowning in my own solitude. I feel like I'm screaming, but no one can hear me. I've always felt like there's something missing, like a part of me is waiting to be uncovered. I've tried to find it in art, in music, in anything that might make me feel whole. But nothing seems to stick. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever find what I'm looking for.