Delusions of the Mind

Day 4- Incessant Bickering

Being the target for the arguments arising around us, was beginning to take its toll on my own mental health. Placing the pins, I had left out, back into the chest they came from. Throwing my tennis shoes across the small clear space in front of me, as I sat down on my cot. Whatever was going on, had nothing to do with me, yet I still managed to be the scapegoat. When would people learn that Ariella was using everyone for her own good? She stood on the backs of their arduous work, only to treat each of them like dirt if they didn’t kiss her ass.

Groaning internally as soft footsteps made their way to me, whoever was coming to visit, wasn’t welcome right now. Lifting my head from staring at the floor, to where I could see over the small stacks of crates, that created somewhat of a wall. Those eyes staring back at me, felt oddly familiar. I had seen them somewhere before tonight.

Rushing around the makeshift wall, following the person who had just been staring at me sitting on my cot. Whoever it had been obviously wanted me to follow them, but why? What about me was intriguing enough for them to seek me out? Staring at the edge of the forest, the dark silhouette beckoning me forward, my feet moving without my command. The air of mystery surrounding the shape, caused an uneasy sensation to course throughout my body. The hairs on my neck standing on end, everything in my body telling me not to go any further.

Getting close enough to the dark figure, to be within hearing range, but out of ear shot of those left in the warehouse.

“What do you want from me?” I ask, darting my eyes around my surrounding, while straining my ears to hear the raspy voice I had been hearing all along.

“They accuse you!” Came the voice, that sent shivers down my spine.

“They don’t know it wasn’t me though!” I stated, wondering why I found myself defending the people I often worked with, who normally ignored my every move.

“They hate you!” The voice creeped through the black sky, landing harshly in my ears with the use of the word hate.

“How do you know?” I inquired, as I turned every stone in my brain over, searching for how I knew this voice, and what they were doing here.

“They talk about you! Say you’re no good! Say you’re a liar! They wish you dead!” Rasped the voice, panting heavily, the last sentence had taken more out of it than the previous two.

“They have always talked about me, why does that matter now?” I inquire, waiting patiently, before turning to get back inside the tent.

“It matters! You should not be shamed!” stated the figure, attempting to move a couple more steps in my direction.

“I am not ashamed, because they could have removed me from my position!” I whispered irritated already with the childish way, this person was doing this. Secretive and shy, away from everyone else. What could he possibly be afraid of?

“They want you gone!” Replied the silhouette, before taking a step forward, nodding my head as he attempted to come forward. He had been severely burned, beyond the point of recognition.

His wrinkled, pulled flesh, folded up like a camera, as he stepped into the light, for me to see. His black eyes, darting around us, while he hid his head, this would be fine. If he revealed much more, he would have been sent to kill him as was probably here to protect someone. “Your death arises if you stay!”

“My death? What about everyone else?” I inquired, watching the gentle man’s eyes fall. Looking almost forlorn as he hastily scampered back into the shadows without another word. Someone must be coming, that’s why he ran off.

“Who are you out here talking to?” Emilia questioned me, drying her eyes.

“No… No one, I just came out here for a walk. The atmosphere inside just got a bit overwhelming.” I replied.

“I can understand. Every time you turn around here, it always seems like they are finding reasons to keep you from performing, or even moving up within our ranks.” Emilia stated, her dark eyes, searching further to the west of us.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it right now, but Ali’s death wasn’t my fault.” I stated, searching Emilia’s features for any signs that she believed me.

“You’re right, I don’t want to discuss it. It just seems right now that there is more at play here than what we are being led to see. We get locked in without explanation from our government, only being recently told we all could have been exposed to some strange virus months ago.” She began, still searching the tree line in front of us, “There really is something wrong, I feel it within my gut. Why would they just lock us in after months of exposure to this virus?”

“To think about it, you’re right. The others inside are too focused on the incessant bickering, trying to figure out who would be to blame for Ali’s death. Not stopping to think about the circumstances surrounding our shut in.” I reply, nodding my head in agreement.

Could our recent conversation be related to the warnings I was receiving? Did the mysterious silhouette know something we didn’t? Who would risk their life to come this far outside of town to warn us? Turning my attention back to Emilia, smiling gently, trying to convey a silent condolence over the last twenty-four hours.

“Let’s head back inside. The stars are starting to shine, and the service will be held tomorrow morning.” I whisper, walking back into the warehouse, which had become a lion’s den. The shouting matches echoing around the metal frame, amplified each voice within the argument enough to be heard standing outside the warehouse. Whatever had happened in my absence had led to an all-out war inside.

“He needs to be removed!” Came the voice of a male acrobat.

“We can’t prove he did anything!” Rang another’s voice.

“Evan didn’t do anything! Even if it had been with us throwing knives, he only threw one which landed on the target!” Came Ben’s voice, followed by Machia and Keylan backing him up.

“It doesn’t matter! He should still be removed!” Came the first voice again. No one was going to stop, until I was removed from the performance list.

Walking inside, watching as all eyes fell on me, “If your so adamant that I simply don’t perform fine! I won’t be performing when we reopen! I will surrender my position to someone else! Which one of you seem to think you can fill the act of a juggler?!” I shouted, angry over the fact everyone, besides the three people I had been with, were calling for my removal.

Shoving past Ariella, picking up my pins, throwing them at the male acrobat who had led the vote for my dismissal. “If you think you can fill my position, then try!” I spat.

“I can’t juggle Evan, you know this. Why even suggest I try?” He stated, looking at his feet.

“If you can’t juggle, then you have no reason to call for my dismissal from the show! The decision for my dismissal should be the Head Ringmasters, which is not for Ariella to decide as she doesn’t hold the title!” I state, watching as he dropped the pins on the ground.

“You have no right to say what I can and cannot do Evan!” Shouted Ariella.

“It’s not me saying what you can and can’t do. It’s what the rules state you can, and can’t do, or did you forget, and assume you are above the rules.” I remarked, making sure the disgust I was feeling became etched onto my face. Ariella’s holier than thou attitude would be her down fall as a Ringmaster, while I watched from the sidelines.