Here’s to Never Growing Up (teacherxstudent)

Chapter 2

As the time approaches to think about college, jobs, and who we're going to be for the rest of our lives, our identities can sometimes feel lost and it's not easy to begin writing our stories. And, sometimes, in order to begin our novel, we must give up on our dreams because chasing them would mean fighting society and facing the often scary change.

My name is Emily Roth and I am, what you would call, Lost. I've wanted to be many things: from a militant to a rock star, and from a dolphin trainer to a forensic anthropologist – I know, not much in common. However, right now, I have no clue what I want to be. I am also what you might call a "jack of all trades, master of none". Thus, I can basically do anything decently. I've been captain of the soccer team, basketball team, swim team, and track team. I've also won writing contests and the school art auction. However, I have no special talent to guide me in my future.

You could say that I am as lost as Jack, Piggy, and even Ralph. And that is why I am here, sitting in an empty, messy classroom in front of Mr. Damon. He is the one who introduced the idea of a gap year to me and, even though I didn't really consider it at first, the option sounds quite tempting right now. Imagine, being at least one full year doing the things you like the most: travelling, partying, volunteering, partying, driving onto the sunset with friends across the country, partying... Well, of course you would also have to work in order to pay off all the fun somehow... but at least I could find out what I want to do... or who I am. It's kind of ridiculous that we have to make these crucial choices - of who we're going to be for the rest of our lives - at such a young age. But doing a gap year is not such an easy thing to convince your parents of. I've tried hinting the idea to my mother and I've tried having my teacher prompt her, but...

"In the end, it all comes down to you, kiddo." he gestured his eyebrows sympathetically and clamped his hands together with a sigh. "How can I put this nicely?..." he looked to the side, pausing, and I tried laughing, sounding nervous. "...There's only so much I can do. You're the one that will have to speak to her." There he goes again with that sympathetic smile... I can't figure out whether he is actually looking out for me or if he is just complying with his obligations as a teacher.

I fiddled with my fingers and gulped, gaining the courage to speak. "But what if she won't listen to me?" I placed it as a question, but I knew she was definitely not going to listen.

"Then keep insisting, kiddo. She's going to have to listen to you some day." He paused briefly as if he'd stopped to think, then looked back at me. "Or... write her a letter." I gave him a questioning look and he laughed at my reaction. "Believe me, it works. Once, my wife was mad at me and, instead of having a fight about it, she wrote me a letter. Sometimes when arguing with someone, emotions take over and make it hard to get your message across. Whichever way you decide to do it, it must be you."

I twisted my lips and thought about it. It'd be kind of weird to hand her a letter. After all, she already gets mad at me for not speaking to her. Moreover, what would I do after? Would I just stand there as she reads the letter, or would I walk away and leave her to her hotheaded self? I felt like laughing, imagining the whole situation. But he's right... I can't keep expecting her to read my mind and I can't just keep relying on others to do it all for me. One way or another, I need to suck it up and go at her strong. Whatever her answer may be, I'll work hard to get what I want.

I sucked in a great deal of air and held my head up high, smiling brightly as if I had no cares in the world – or at least trying to convince myself of this. This made him smile as I was back to myself.

"Thank you, Mr. D." I said as I got up from my seat. "I'll speak to her."

The funny figure reclined onto the wall and smiled smugly at me. "No problem, kiddo. Good luck."

"Thanks." I said once again. I'll need it. I walked out the classroom with a ridiculous grin plastered on my cheeks.

"Someone looks happy." Alex smirked as I walked up to the upper atrium. "So, did he help?"

"Yup. Quite a lot actually." I sighed. "I just need to find a way to talk my mom about all of this." I dropped onto a seat and sank into the desk.

"You can't keep fearing her, Em. You need to confront her if this is something you really want to do."

"Yeah..." I raised my head, resting it on my folded up arms. As my eyes met with the tall figure passing by, I frowned, averting my gaze as he stared and froze helplessly. Soon after, he diffused and I sank back into my arms.

"It really looks like he wants to speak to you." Alex whispered, knowing that no one else could know.

"Yeah, well I don't really care." I turned my head, facing the other side.

"You can't just keep running from him. He's going to end up finding a way to be alone with you." she sighed.

"Maybe... But you know what he did. It's not like I can just act as if nothing happened and joke around with him like before."

"You know I'm not siding with him, Em. What that jerk did was unforgivable... Just be ready for when he does come to speak to you."

"Yeah. When the time comes, I'll try to control my fists." I joked, trying to repress the past. As Alex chuckled, I tried laughing with her but the pain was coming back.

After the bell rang and the vice-principle cleared the halls with his annoying, authoritative voice, Alex and I walked down to the English room.

"Ugh, you again? Must I really see you twice in one day?" Mr. Damon joked as I entered his classroom.

"Ha, ha. I know that you would love to see this beautiful face every single second of your days."

"Pfft." he held onto his big stomach, cackling as the snobbish group in the front of the class laughed along. "Nice try kiddo."

I then progressed towards my usual seat and bounced onto the chair as Mr. D passed out the graded tests. I looked to each of my sides, Annie had gotten a 13 out of a total score of 25 (she must've been watching basketball videos instead of studying), Alex had a 15, Jackie a 9, and Danny a 22.

Before he handed mine back, Mr. D stopped in front of me with a serious, grim look fixed on his round profile. I got frightened. Mr. D has never looked so unhumorous. I must've failed... I was nearly falling asleep when I wrote that paper. My body seemed to shrink as I looked up, intimidated by the dominating figure.

"I don't know what substance you were under while you took this test. Whether you were drinking or smoking weird stuff..." His coarse voice and menacing expression empowered me. There's not way I didn't fail. "Whatever it was, it worked." his expression completely changed as he emitted the last words. The scary, serious glare turned into a silly smirk. What? As I looked down, I noticed he was handing me my test. Fierce red ink formed the following numbers in large: 25/25. Beside it, the clown had drawn a defective smiley face. My heart stopped and I was filled with elation but felt deceived at the same time. I shot him a playfully scornful glare as the man-child dropped the paper onto my desk and walked away, laughing.

"You... I thought I had failed!" I complained.

"Aren't I great liar?" he smirked conceitedly. Noticing our amusement, the vice-principle passed by the classroom, laughing.

"What grade did you get, Em?" Danny asked. I smirked smugly and faced my paper to him, sticking out my tongue. "What?!" his eyes widened in amazement and then his mouth twisted scornfully. I laughed. Since the beginning of the year, Danny and I have been receiving very close marks. He would have one point above me in one test and I would have one above him in the next. I just couldn't help it but feel ecstatic. This man was able to make my day twice in one day.

However, my joyful mood was suddenly killed as a haunting figure stopped before the door. As my eyes drifted towards him, my smile slowly turned upside down. The chubby clown hadn't yet noticed the deceiving Adonis standing in the entrance of his classroom and I prayed for him not to turn around. Nonetheless, as always in the perfect timing, Gus - the snobbiest of the posh group - just had to suck up to our past teacher. The others in the classroom whispered between each other, recognizing him.

"Mr. Cohen! I thought you were in Texas." Gus's remark made Mr. D turn around.

"Hey. Yeah, I decided to come back. The heat wasn't really for me." he smiled gracefully. Girls giggled and my eyes rolled. Such bullshit.

"What do you want?" Mr. D complained, joking with his seemingly new buddy. I guess opposites really attract.

The jerk chuckled before he glanced over at me and began to speak. "Actually, could I borrow Emily for a second?"

"Be my guest. Keep her for as long as you'd like." Mr. D joked but I didn't laugh.

I snarled at the jackass and composed my glare as I coldly said, "I'd rather not."

Everyone laughed at my response, but he knew I wasn't joking. As I averted my eyes and frowned at the floor in silence, Mr. D, too, realized I was being serious. His eyes widened and was taken aback by my unusual behavior.

He then cleared his voice and turned back around to face the jerk. "Actually, we kind of have quite a lot of stuff to take care of today. Could Emily drop by your room later?"

The jerk-face gulped, knowing that wasn't going to happen in a million years and smiled, trying to compose himself. "Yeah, of course. Sorry to interrupt." He then faced the rest of the class, "It was a pleasure to see you all again." He looked at me as he finished speaking and I knew he was directing the message to me. I rolled my eyes. Only such a heartless man could act so normally as if nothing had happened.

He left and Mr. D proceeded with the class, occasionally looking at me, probably wondering why had acted in such a way. This is not good. Knowing Mr. D, he will probably ask me to speak to him after class about this incident. I need to make sure I'm ready to run out of the room as soon as the bell rings. Most other people in the room also noticed my change of mood. Only the video-gamer and the wannabe Freud in the corner didn't seem to notice. But the others all looked at me with raised brows, probably thinking 'Jeez, what's up with her? She should calm her tits.' If only they knew...

As only a few minutes were left to class, I started packing up, putting everything inside my bag and closing it, ready to pick it up and sprint out of the room. I tried doing slow and silent motions, making sure I wouldn't grasp his attention.

"I had one last activity planned out for you guys, but I can see you are already losing focus." I shivered as Mr. D said those words. "See? Patty and Mariah are looking through prom dresses," he joked, turning their computer screen around, "Annie's probably watching basketball videos back there, and Emily is already packed and ready to leave." he smirked at me and I gulped as the rest of the class laughed. s**t.

Once the bell rang, I did as I had planned and kicked back my chair, slinging my bag onto my back and sneaking towards the door as the other students dispersed.

"Emily." I stopped on my tracks but didn't turn back. Would it be too bad to pretend I didn't hear him and keep walking? He called me once more, giving me no choice.

I slowly turned around, clenching my fists in hopes that he wouldn't want to talk about that. Mr. D smirked as if having read my mind and signaled me to walk over to him. I lowered my head and fumbled slowly towards him, dropping my bag on the way. Everyone else left the room except for Alex, Annie, Jackie, and Danny who stood at the door, waiting for me.

"Go on," Mr. D told them, "Emily doesn't need any reinforcements." he joked and they left, laughing.

I sat atop the desk facing his and dropped my head, facing the floor. Mr. D stood up and sat on the corner of his desk, trying to seem more approachable. My lips twisted and I fiddled with my fingers. This guy always gets me to talk. There's no way I can stay silent. But what will he do if I tell him the truth? Would he denounce it to the principle? Would he see me differently and no longer like me? Or would he give it no importance, casting it off like he couldn't care less? No... the latter is highly unlikely of him. But if I don't tell him, he might think I don't like him and that I disrespect him... What should I do?

"You know why I called you right?" he asked and I nodded in response, not looking up at him. "You don't really seem willing to talk about it though." he furrowed his eyebrows in a questioning manner. I don't expect him to understand. I mean, why would a student ever act so ruthlessly towards her former teacher?

"It's just alarming to see you without a smile on your face. Around the school you're always giggling and joking around with your friends, so I've never really seen you with an expression as serious as the one you shot Mr. Cohen earlier."

"Yeah, well, looks can deceive." I muttered and I could tell Mr. D was leaning in closer so I would become audible. "It's not like he's the nice guy everyone thinks he is."

His expression puckered, "Why do you say that?"

"Just..." I struggled to speak while playing with my nails, "...if you get to know him well enough, he'll show you that it's all just a farce to play around with you and then he'll discard you like trash once he gets his eyes on a new toy." I forced myself to be silent before I said anything else. It's not like I'm protecting the i***t, but if the truth is disclosed, my whole reputation will be ruined as well. Secrets travel in light speed at this school.

He laughed softly "Using metaphors instead of speaking straightforwardly... You seem to have learned well from the poems we've read in class." I smiled, knowing he was trying to cheer me up from my current foul mood. "Alright then, I won't make you speak. Just, remember," he added, "whatever reason you have, just be more careful to hide it better." he smiled and my eyes widened. I really didn't expect this answer from him.

"Thank you." I muttered under a breath.

"Remember, I'm always here in this tiny room with suffocating air. Don't be afraid to come by, kiddo." I nodded and walked out the room, crossing paths with the jerk. He stood beside the door and, the moment I saw him, I understood his intentions.

"Don't worry. I didn't tell him anything." I scorned at him as I kept walking.

"Em..." he tried getting my attention, but I stopped him before he said something that would make me want to punch his guts out.

"Stop calling me that." I glared at him once more before I kept walking with no more pauses. This left him silent and his body froze. The incarnate symbol to all that is impure and repulsive stood there like the statue of Medusa until Mr. Damon came out the room and looked at him in a questioning manner.

-----

"How did it go?" Alex asked as I walked into the cafeteria and sat beside her, not feeling like eating.

"Not bad actually. I feel like drinking though. Do you want to go out tonight?" I raised an eyebrow, hinting her.

"Em, you can't just drink your problems away. Especially now that the problem is back at our school. Besides, we have classes tomorrow. I won't let you come to school wasted." she nagged.

I then laughed at her final comment. "Wouldn't that be funny though, if a student came in totally pissed?"

Alex looked at me with a 'seriously?' expression that had 'no' written all over it. "The only teacher who would find that funny is Mr. Damon and you won't have class with him tomorrow. So, don't even think about it."

"Ugh. You're so boring."

"You'll thank me someday." she teased. "Oh, and try to be less obvious the next time you see Mr. Cohen... It won't take long before the rumors start if you continue dissing him so barefacedly."

I laid my head on the table and mumbled, "It's only the first day and I don't know how much longer I can avoid him."

"You can do it, Em." Alex patted my back. "As Mr. D says, you're a fighter, you won't just lay down and do nothing."

"All fighters reach their end, Alex."

"As everything does. That doesn't mean this is going to be your last fight."