Graffiti

Chapter Eleven:

I switched on the lights in my hotel room, and flopped down on the satin quilts of the bed. Tentatively, I reached out for my phone. There was a text from my mum. Hope sparked through me as I unlocked the phone. Delete my number. Was all it read. 

With an angry cry, I threw my phone out of the small window with silk curtains that was letting a draft in. Everyone had let me down, I could only count on myself, which I'd known, but I'd stupidly let myself believe that I was wrong. 

I was in Jersey, my ex boyfriend had followed me, there was a guy that I may like,  a 'gang' that broke the law, and I had no idea what to do. Some snide part of me said: This is what your life is like without Alex. But I'd managed before perfectly so why, now, was I feeling as though without Alex, my life was boring? 

It was like, in the short amount of time that I'd known him, he'd taken over my life completely. I turned over on the bed, pushing my face into the soft pillows. I groaned with frustration, I didn't even have a phone anymore. Why shouldn't I just leave? I asked myself. I had an eternal debate with myself as I weighed up the pros and cons of staying. Then I weighed up the pros and cons of leaving. 

There were so many pros of leaving, and only one con. Alex. I couldn't leave him, and I had no idea why, it was just like a survival instinct to not leave him, to stay with him and share my life with him. And I hated feeling this way.  

An hour later, I was dresses in black tights and ripped black shorts. I had a black vest top on and a leather jacket, my feet felt comfortable in the new converse I'd just purchased. I found Spirit sitting on the bench where I'd met her earlier, her blond hair had mostly escaped the pony tails. She now wore purple jeans and a blue sweatshirt. 

"Boo," I whispered in her ear. 

Spirit flinched and whipped her body around to face me.  "Don't do that!" She cried. I grinned evilly as I sat beside her, the lake looked even more magical with the afternoon sun tinting it's usual dark blueness. 

"I'll try my best not to," I joked. 

We sat in silence for a while, enjoying the feel of the hot sun on our faces, the noise of the birds high in the trees beside the lake. 

"Alex was worried about you," she said softly. 

"Yeah and I suppose pigs are flying too." Alex just wasn't the type to worry if it was about someone else, I'd seen the way he'd treated Spirit, and I'd heard Max's cries of pain as I sat locked in the bathroom. He was not a nice person, so I was bewildered as to why I liked him.

"I'm being serious," she began. "After you left, he came storming into my brother's cabin, found me and demanded that I tell him where you'd gone. I told him that I didn't know, but he still didn't leave, so my brother asked him why he was so bothered about some chick anyway, and the Alex just kind of froze and said 'you wouldn't understand' and then he left," Spirit blurted. 

I took in all that she'd said. I didn't like the fact that Alex had stormed in and acted like he'd owned the place, which he probably did, but a bit of politeness never hurt anyone. Obviously Alex didn't see it that way. 

"Yeah, well as far as I'm concerned he can go screw him-"

"There you are," a husky voice observed before I could finish my sentence. The voice sent shivers down my spine and I instantly knew that it was Alex. I didn't dare to turn around, because I didn't know whether I'd start drooling or whether my sarcastic tongue would make an appearance, it often did at times like this. 

"I'll just leave," Spirit announced. 

"No," I suddenly said. "You don't have to leave because of him. He doesn't own you, he doesn't control you, he just happens to think he does. Just ignore him, it's what I do," I said, loudly so that he could hear me. 

I could literally feel his madness in the air. I smiled smugly to myself, knowing full well that he was going to have to take whatever I said without retaliating. He sat down in between Spirit and I. "Yes, stay..." he trailed off, unsure of Spirit's name. 

"It's Spirit," I said flatly. "I can't believe you don't even know her name, yet she lives on your land and you see her on a day to day basis. What the Hell is wrong with you?" I was actually quite pissed off at him. I still didn't face him. 

My attention was captured by the beauty of the lake. Alex stayed silent, and I just knew that he was actually contemplating my question. I risked a quick peek at him, his hair was dishevelled, like he'd ran his fingers through it many times.  

He looked pale, and it was only now that I really saw the bruises under his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping well. His t-shirt was too small and the sickly greenness of it didn't go well with the faded grey of his trousers. 

He wasn't this stressed about me, I'd only been gone for a few hours, and he knew that I'd most likely be at the hotel. His fingernails were chewed down. Something much bigger was happening.  I caught Spirit's eyes and mouthed, I need to speak to him alone.

I gave her an apologetic look as she jumped off the bench and walked away. "Alex," I began nervously. My stomach was in knots, and I had to take a deep breath to try and relieve some of the tightness. "Is everything OK? And don't say it is when it isn't. Just because you're a guy, doesn't mean you have to be strong." 

Alex looked at me and for a moment I thought he was going to brush me off, but then his eyes became glassy and he swallowed thickly. "No," he whispered. "Everything is not OK." He leaned his head on my shoulder and I shuffled closer towards him, letting him know that it was OK to cry. 

"You can tell me," I coaxed. He stiffened, and burrowed closer so that I was hugging him and he was hugging me; we were holding each other, protecting each other. 

I felt him shake his head. "You wouldn't understand," came his muffled voice. I sighed in exasperation and rolled my eyes.

"You don't know that," I whispered, burying my face in his chest. 

I felt his strong heart pounding in my ears and I smiled because the sound comforted me somehow. "It's my dad," he said. "He's coming back." I was utterly confused, why would he be stressed out over that? To me, seeing my Dad again would be like Heaven on Earth.

"That's a good thing, right?" I questioned. Alex shook his head in a quick jerk. 

"No." It was a certain answer, no arguments whatsoever.   

"Why not?" I asked softly, squeezing him tighter to let him know that it was alright. Alex's finger went under my chin and lifted my head so that my eyes were level with his. We were a tangled mess of limbs on a wooden bench, you couldn't tell where I started and where he began. 

"Because I'm scared. For you," he confessed. Our eyes stayed glued to each other, allowing me to take in every single part of his face, the perfect eyebrows to the sunken cheeks, the hollow bridge just above his lips to the scars on his forehead and the, finally, his dazzling green eyes. 

"It's OK. He's just your dad," I said, confusion laced my tone. 

"No," he said, shaking his head and then closing his eyes. "No," he repeated softly. "I don't want him to do to you what he did to my mother and sister," he finally admitted. My heart raced as I thought of all the possibilities. What was the worst thing he could have done? Abused them..?

"Which is...?" I whispered lest my voice shook. 

"He killed them." He opened his eyes again as mine went wide. I felt scared, angry and upset. Scared that his dad had killed. Angry that he'd put Alex through that. Upset because Alex looked so lost and afraid and there was nothing I could do to help him. 

"I swear," Alex said, holding me even tighter. "I won't let anything happen to you, I swear." As the words left his mouth, he leaned down and kissed me, setting my body on fire and making me temporarily forget my - our? - problems.